Are INFJ Males really that rare?

[arbygil]

Dearheart, really...you don't want an INFJ guy. You want a guy who will treat you well (and that's a difference). MBTI doesn't matter as long as you click. When it's right, it'll happen. No need to go searching; it'll come to you when the time's right.

 

[Questingpoet]

Dearheart, really...you don't want an INFJ guy. You want a guy who will treat you well (and that's a difference). MBTI doesn't matter as long as you click. When it's right, it'll happen. No need to go searching; it'll come to you when the time's right.

Wise words indeed...

 

[rawr]

Dearheart, really...you don't want an INFJ guy. You want a guy who will treat you well (and that's a difference). MBTI doesn't matter as long as you click. When it's right, it'll happen. No need to go searching; it'll come to you when the time's right.

+2. i second what QP said: wise words.
she knows what she's talking about

(and that's one of the many reasons we all love [MENTION=442]arbygil[/MENTION] )

 

[VioletHaze]

So true, really I just deserve a guy who will treat me with respect, has the same values and similar goals as myself. Im ready for that at this point in my life, and I wont settle for less. I know I will meet him someday.. for now I guess I'll enjoy being single. Im learning more than ever that patience really is a virtue.

 

[Majesty]

Yeah like arbygil say, and it's not always the best to find someone just like you (INFJ & INFJ in your case)

 

[toska]

Yes I think they're the rarest type. The only time I used to encounter them was in language classes at university. In the "real" world they're like some mythical creature that doesn't really exist.

 

[ZJ95]

IMO we really don't start hitting our stride, where our stronger postitive traits shine, until 30 or so. It was even later for me...more like 35. This is based purely on my own observations and my everpresent Ni. A fully realized INFJ is a great thing to behold (though I suppose you can say that about almost any type!).

I'm a straight INFJ male (was often accused of being gay as well), and I foresee this happening to me as well. My teens and twenties so far have not been too pleasant relationship-wise. I feel like something is missing, don't know what, but it isn't quite there yet. Girls my age seem to show interest in me at first but back off after they get too know me a little better or just want to be friends (rarely get to second dates, even if the first one goes great). I think right now I'm just too different for most people.

 

[Saru Inc]

Infj males, in my experience tend to be self righteous, bizarrely moralistic, frustratingly stubborn, and unable to see any other side of the argument but their own. Which is why, since that's not the INFJ description, then all these people on these forums aren't actually infjs


I'm not sure why you would want to find an INFJ male, I'd stay far far away to be honest.


And of course, I think there's only like 5 true infjs on this forum, perhaps less. I mean like 6 of them are S in denial, a couple our T's etc.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing personal against INFJs, except for the INFJs with INFJ syndrome. "omg im so rare that like i should be treated special." And yes, some people here really do act that way.

 

[VioletHaze]

[MENTION=630]Blind Bandit[/MENTION] Nice guys can find love too, they just need to meet the right girl who is appreciative of his kindness.

 

[the]

From everything I have read AND observed I would say yes, INFJ males are very rare. How rare is a matter of debate. And rare does not immediately mean "special" or "awesome"...just rare. I have only met a couple other guys in my life I am sure were INFJ's. I've always felt I was pretty different from most guys. This shows and has caused me to be labeled "gay" for much of my younger life. I've grown a lot in confidence and wisdom since then and don't seem to get that anymore.

I think INFJ to INFJ is and would be a great combination. I happen to know an INFJ/INTJ female and we...well it's a good combo. One thing I think I can say about INFJ males (probably females too) is that we tend to do things slowly and carefully. We thus change and grow a lot, later in life then many other types. If you are set on an INFJ male, I would suggest looking for one a bit older then you normally would if you are so inclined.

INFJ males are extremely affectionate (and loyal) once they are comfortable with you. The time this may take varies according to individual and ...again...age. "E" types without a doubt can get comfy more quickly. For me, physical touch is my primary "Love Language" so I love to hug, hold, and touch. From what I've seen here, INFJ's tend toward this love language as well as "Words of Affirmation", which again makes sense since we are a very (written) word-oriented type. Expect an INFJ boyfriend to write you lots of nice letters or at least be able to articulate his love if that happens.

IMO we really don't start hitting our stride, where our stronger postitive traits shine, until 30 or so. It was even later for me...more like 35. This is based purely on my own observations and my everpresent Ni. A fully realized INFJ is a great thing to behold (though I suppose you can say that about almost any type!).

All of this is observation and research on my type. It's not set in stone. It's not scientific fact. Typology is not an exact science. Individual INFJ's will vary. You can really only say what one of us is more likely to do or be like...no absolutes. Good luck!

What do you mean by fully reazlied?

 

[VioletHaze]

yea, honestly im not even interested in finding an infj anymore, I thought thats what I wanted, but I just want a respectable guy with goals, who's also A Christian( sweet, kind, humble, thoughtful..) I may add more later on, but thats what im looking for, he doesnt have to be infj at all.

 

[Questingpoet]

What do you mean by fully reazlied?

Mostly what I mean (again from my own personal experience) is being true to oneself. Not trying to fit yourself into someone elses "expected" mold. For instance I went on to get a BS Degree in business. It's what was expected of me. That wasn't the way I should have went, and I would have been much happier much sooner if I had went into something more along the creative arts line.

So what I mean, for any type really, is taking your loves and talents and "realizing" them within yourself, and pursuing them.

 

[Norton]

What you really need is a nice, sweet, kind, (i.e., balanced) INTP. My INFJ has one (and he's more humble and shy than you might think from this post--ah...anonymity).

 

[Jonathan]

i seriously have my doubts. i don't think we are, not as rare as we are portrayed at least.

i personally know several INFJ males, and they are all different from one another.
then again NFs are quite present where i am.

I think that is true in my own life. A lot of the people I spend time with are guys who are involved in charity functions and the church. I know quite a few ENFJ's, and NF's in general, but I'm pretty sure I haven't met another male INFJ. From highschool, I'd have to say that it was mostly EST's and ENT's. I don't know how rare we are, but I'm willing to bet that we're not very common. I'd also agree that many people may believe they are INFJ's, but may not actually be. The biggest problem I see with trying to determine how common a certain MBTI type is that many people either misunderstand MBTI, have trouble applying MBTI to their lives, or are still developing an understanding of themselves and their cognition. I'd say that probably the majority of people who decide on a type end up changing it over time, whereas I personally believe that your personality type is static.

 

[VioletHaze]

yea, i'll check into INTPs, thanks for that*

 

[JD Minney]

Yeah like arbygil say, and it's not always the best to find someone just like you (INFJ & INFJ in your case)

In my dating experience, looking for someone who has 2 of the MB traits that I have equals out to a nice mixture. One needs someone who has enough in common, but is different enough to make make the relationship interesting. One key I find if that we can become to comfortable in a relationship, but the 2 different aspects keep it "different" for a lack of better words.

 

[Faye]

Good luck in your search.

 

[middle1]

I can't wait till I meet a real-life infj male, I won't know what to do. The ones on here, and even the not-infjs are pretty cool.

 

[magister343]

Intutives and sensors rarely mix well. There are exceptions, but normally it it best for Ns to stick with other Ns. This preference is very important in determining how one expresses his or herself, so sensors are likely to misconstrue what intuitives mean and vice versa. Sticking with your own kind here really helps with communication, which is vital to any relationship.

(Some times it seems like having the same perceiving functions though can make individuals consider the same moments right for talking, which can make a couple talk at the same time and then have awkward silences. Having the opposite attitudes to the same function seems to lead to a more even pace in conversations. That would make having the second latter the same but the fourth opposite seem best.)


Of course, clear communication can cause problems if what one communicates is a lack of respect for what the other person values and how the other thinks. This is where judging functions come into the picture. It does not really matter a whole lot whether one is partnered with a feeler or a thinker, what more often matters is that the couple share the same attitudes to their thinking and feeling preferences. FJs and TPs both use Fe and Ti, and so understand and agree with each other far more than the TJs and FPs that use Fi and Te.

Most studies tend to find that the extroversion/introversion preference is not usually very important to determining compatibility. However, extreme introverts and extreme extroverts do not mix well. Some studies however do show that in the long term it is better for this preference to be shared rather than different. Relationships between opposites in this category are more common, but marraiges between those who are the same here last longer and more mature individuals tend to seek out those more like themselves.




In short, yes, INTPs are very often the best matches for INFJs.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Nice guy equals no love. Even if you are upfront about it your still too nice.

I'm a straight INFJ male (was often accused of being gay as well), and I foresee this happening to me as well. My teens and twenties so far have not been too pleasant relationship-wise. I feel like something is missing, don't know what, but it isn't quite there yet. Girls my age seem to show interest in me at first but back off after they get too know me a little better or just want to be friends (rarely get to second dates, even if the first one goes great). I think right now I'm just too different for most people.

I think sometimes we have a way of waiting too long to reveal interest, perhaps because of the faint hope that we will seem so damn mysterious and magnetic that they'll want to make all the moves. Unfortunately it tends to work out that we appear to lack interest and are consequently shelved.

But I think I lost my J somewhere on the road a few miles back.