Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments?

When I recieve a compliment, it feels as though the reaction is a difficult balancing act. If I accept it, I feel as though I am saying "yeah I deserved that," and if I don't give enough acknowledgment I feel as though I am saying, "Actually, I don't appreciate it all."

Plus, I am always a bit skeptical, though of course, it depends on the person.
 
I think it's mainly to avoid coming across as being arrogant. When someone compliments me I go into a shy/embarrassed mode, and usually give back an awkward smile.
 
Simple solution, if you are having trouble with accepting compliments. Just smile and let it go. If someone is giving you compliment who is nice and honest with you, it means if you focus more on it, you will get more about it.

Actually, i think compliments are best things to learn how to let good things go and get more about it. Did i make any sense?
 
i believe the realistic ones and am suspicious of ones that seem fake. But i am rarely complimented haha
 
uberrogo said:
i believe the realistic ones and am suspicious of ones that seem fake. But i am rarely complimented haha
Click to expand...


really? a charming, delightful, amazing, incredible, utterly outstanding person like yourself? I find that hard to believe :wink:
 
I take them awkwardly because I don't like attention directed at me. For example, I'm at work and someone points something pleasant or positive out about me and people turn to look and then feel compelled to add to it. Maybe it's the second part. When others join in on the compliment, like it's some sort of social norm for people to jump in even when they don't particuliarly care to.

But if someone I know well compliments me one on one I am grateful. When strangers compliment me it's awkward. But only because I'm awkward and generally mistrusting of others..
 
I had to learn how to accept a compliment graciously; it didn't come naturally. I wanted to learn to accept a compliment in a humble way, not in a haughty way. So that's what I did - I was in my late 20's I think when I finally worked it out. I just say "thank you" or sometimes "Thank you for the encouragement." in the same way you would say it if someone has just handed you a gift. I can't remember who I learned it from.

I learned how to graciously have my picture taken by watching Dolly Parton.
There's a woman with some gracious Southern manners.
 
I worry that i might have said something to fish for compliments, or mentioned i don't like said thing about myself earlier, and that the person feels obliged to compliment me. I even worry that i look gloomy or..haha worried and in doing so I am pressuring the person to make me feel better.
Despite all this ruckus in my head i respond with a simple 'thankyou'.
 
I usually feel guilty when I receive a compliment, like I want to tell myself STFU NOOB You're not that great! I overcompensate for this by wearing a somewhat egocentric image in public.
 
May said:
Is it because it challenges what they already believe about themselves?
How are you at dealing with compliments?
Click to expand...

I'm trying to knock all of these new posts out of the park in a couple of days so I'm only going to be brief: Usually it's down to a self esteem issue though there are many other possible factors.
 
Because most people are just trying to suck up and most compliments are not sincere.

"I like your hat, joe."

"Well golly...I'm not wearing a hat."

"Oh, damn. Wrong compliment. Sorry, let me try this one: you have pretty eyes, joe."

"Uhm...they're false eyes.."

"EVEN BETTER!"
 
  • Like
Reactions: Roger
Because the person receiving the complement either thinks its insincere or doesn't see its truth.

At least that is the case with me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Roger
Because compliments rarely capture the essence of what could make someone feel proud. People would be happier to hear someone complimenting the amount of effort they put on something, rather than the result, or what nature has given by birth. Unfortunately, this struggle is rarely seen externally, for what it is, and is hard to even recognize, let alone analyze and evaluate properly.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bagelriffic
enfp can be shy said:
Because compliments rarely capture the essence of what could make someone feel proud. People would be happier to hear someone complimenting the amount of effort they put on something, rather than the result, or what nature has given by birth. Unfortunately, this struggle is rarely seen externally, for what it is, and is hard to even recognize, let alone analyze and evaluate properly.
Click to expand...

Sometimes when people give me compliment on wrong place, i get little confused, how to react.
I give compliment,
When i want
-To encourage someone
-I really admire him/her and i am with them as friend
-I am proud of having friendship with them
-If they had done something successful and meaningful, i will go and give them.
-They tried to understand me. This is most important in communication, you will listen to person, then you'll able to know them. Listening is giving or spare sometime with them from our life. This is great.

I will never try for this
- To make them feel good. This is wrong and false for me.
 
I used to be much harder on myself so when someone gave me a compliment I wouldn't emotionally accept it because I hadn't met my own standard of perfection. I would dismiss it as - they don't know what they're talking about.

When I was 16, I accidentally discovered an easy way to fix my shoulder length hair that was apparently very becoming on me. People would stop me in the hallway at school to tell me how much they liked my hair. This attention made me sub-consciously so uncomfortable that I just couldn't stop myself from cutting my hair. I used to sabotage myself ALL the time.
 
enfp can be shy said:
Because compliments rarely capture the essence of what could make someone feel proud. People would be happier to hear someone complimenting the amount of effort they put on something, rather than the result, or what nature has given by birth. Unfortunately, this struggle is rarely seen externally, for what it is, and is hard to even recognize, let alone analyze and evaluate properly.
Click to expand...

Yep.

INTJMom said:
I used to be much harder on myself so when someone gave me a compliment I wouldn't emotionally accept it because I hadn't met my own standard of perfection. I would dismiss it as - they don't know what they're talking about.

When I was 16, I accidentally discovered an easy way to fix my shoulder length hair that was apparently very becoming on me. People would stop me in the hallway at school to tell me how much they liked my hair. This attention made me sub-consciously so uncomfortable that I just couldn't stop myself from cutting my hair. I used to sabotage myself ALL the time.
Click to expand...

I do this kinda thing all the time. If someone compliments me on something to do with physical appearance, i become self conscious, and adjust whatever it is so that it won't be as noticeable. Not that it wasn't nice to receive the compliment, but it had the opposite effect - instead of making me feel great, it made me worry about how i looked or how i was being perceived.
 
Last edited:
April said:
Is it because it challenges what they already believe about themselves?
How are you at dealing with compliments?
Click to expand...

Probably because many people are taught to be humble, and they don't know how to accept a compliment humbly.

If I think a compliment is justified I'll say "yep" or something equally conceited. Otherwise I'll roll my eyes and insist they're flattering me or explain why it's unwarranted. This tactic has proven much more effective at curbing compliments than most others.

That's unless I really want the encouragement, and then I'll shamelessly fish for compliments.
 
lol, i'd forgotten about this thread
 
When I'm hesitant to accept a compliment it usually means that what I'm being complimented on is something I can't personally find accomplishment in. Others can see something in me as it is and appreciate it, but my impossibly high standards for myself keep me from recognizing the same. Thus, I have trouble accepting the compliment if I can't see my own truth in it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gaze
I'm terrible at accepting compliments. I have horrible self-esteem and a lot of self-loathing. I disagree with what they say, and/or I feel bad because I don't live up to the person who's praising me's expectations.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back