Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments? | INFJ Forum

Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by TinyBubbles, Jan 26, 2010.

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  1. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Is it because it challenges what they already believe about themselves?
    How are you at dealing with compliments?
     
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  2. jdftx

    jdftx Community Member

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    I take compliments for what they are, praise/admiration. Do you have a personal example of someone not taking a compliment well?
     
  3. INFJesus

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    I have self esteem issues.
    also I can feel pressure to live up to the expectations compliments can place on me.

    I also enjoy receiving compliments ,it's paradoxical.
     
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  4. Gaze

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    +1
     
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  5. poshlost

    poshlost Community Member

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    I'm cynical, compliments are the primary tool for manipulation.
     
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  6. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    I second this.
     
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  7. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

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    I compliment people all the time, with no agenda to manipulate. I just want to tell someone something nice. And if they've never been told that, then great. Hopefully I made them feel good.

    I used to just throw back a compliment to them in response, not knowing what to say, but now I accept it and simply say, thanks. I deserve a compliment as much as anyone else.
     
  8. Gaze

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    that's been my experience
     
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  9. dylan

    dylan Bearded Dancing King

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    Heh, I'm kind of the opposite. I have such outrageously high expectations of myself that if I receive a compliment, I usually think to myself: "Yeah that's all well and good, but you don't even know - I should be able to do/be so much better than that."
     
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  10. WellNoWonder

    WellNoWonder Peace Through Action

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    I don't know if they have alterior motives.

    I usually go on defense. "What do you want?" is what I usually end up asking.
     
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  11. blueparade

    blueparade Regular Poster

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    I think they are nice to get, but they can make me feel self-conscious, especially if it's a compliment more personal than "hey, nice scarf" or something. Maybe it's because I'm just not that comfortable with attention or being singled out in general.
     
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  12. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    omg, I thought it was just me...
     
  13. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I take them a lot better than I did years ago. Back then I was just uncomfortable. If someone was complimenting me, that meant they were watching me! Now they don't bother me all that much, but like many of you, I think a lot of people use them to try and manipulate. As an INFJ, I feel I am pretty good at figuring out which ones are sincere. The ones that are real, give me a feeling of great humility and thankfulness.
     
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  14. ec3khrl

    ec3khrl Community Member

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    yup
     
  15. xizzax

    xizzax Community Member

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    yes, but then i'd use my Ni to see if they're sincere! ;P

    i pretty much agree with what everyone has said.. it makes me feel singled out, people are paying attention to me, i feel like i could do better.

    yea, i used to be pretty nervous accepting compliments... i don't know how to react.. still learning to take it in and accept that i did well. perhaps i'm afraid of getting an ego.. i think it's that and the fact that i'm not used to feeling like i really did enough because i'm always 'working towards something', working towards my goal/ideal.
     
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  16. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Because people typically expect an emotional response that might not be naturally
    available.

    Instead of choosing no response, they choose a negative one in hopes of you discontinuing the compliments.
     
    #16 ruji, Jan 29, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2010
  17. Gaze

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    I think it's also the nature of the compliment. I'd rather someone compliment the work i do than who i am or who they think i am. Not a fan of compliments about intelligence, attractiveness, etc. I appreciate if someone acknowledges something i've said which is good and thoughtful or thought provoking, but i'm not keen on compliments which are said just to make me feel better.
     
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    #17 Gaze, Jan 29, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2010
  18. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    Yeah I recognise that. I won't say it, but I'm usually suspicious when I receive compliments. "What does this person want from me?" That thought almost always goes through my mind for a second. I know it's bad. It depends on who gives the compliments though. If it's someone I trust it's easier to accept them.

    But overall, I am terrible at accepting compliments. It always makes me feel embarrassed, so I usually try to laugh it away.
     
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  19. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    +1.

    I also get embarrassed easily. But OTOH, I like brandishing compliments. What does that make me? >_>;

    I keep thinking that they're amazing for doing that, and that what I did just now? Nyeh, it's substandard.
     
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  20. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    I have a problem dealing with compliments for the fact that I feel as if accepting them will make me seem egotistical. Also, I feel as if accepting a compliment can lead to disappointing others if I don't live up to the compliment.
     
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