Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments?

TinyBubbles

TinyBubbles

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Is it because it challenges what they already believe about themselves?
How are you at dealing with compliments?
 
I take compliments for what they are, praise/admiration. Do you have a personal example of someone not taking a compliment well?
 
I have self esteem issues.
also I can feel pressure to live up to the expectations compliments can place on me.

I also enjoy receiving compliments ,it's paradoxical.
 
INFJesus said:
I have self esteem issues.
also I can feel pressure to live up to the expectations compliments can place on me.

I also enjoy receiving compliments ,it's paradoxical.
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I second this.
 
I compliment people all the time, with no agenda to manipulate. I just want to tell someone something nice. And if they've never been told that, then great. Hopefully I made them feel good.

I used to just throw back a compliment to them in response, not knowing what to say, but now I accept it and simply say, thanks. I deserve a compliment as much as anyone else.
 
INFJesus said:
I can feel pressure to live up to the expectations compliments can place on me.
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Heh, I'm kind of the opposite. I have such outrageously high expectations of myself that if I receive a compliment, I usually think to myself: "Yeah that's all well and good, but you don't even know - I should be able to do/be so much better than that."
 
I don't know if they have alterior motives.

I usually go on defense. "What do you want?" is what I usually end up asking.
 
I think they are nice to get, but they can make me feel self-conscious, especially if it's a compliment more personal than "hey, nice scarf" or something. Maybe it's because I'm just not that comfortable with attention or being singled out in general.
 
dylan said:
Heh, I'm kind of the opposite. I have such outrageously high expectations of myself that if I receive a compliment, I usually think to myself: "Yeah that's all well and good, but you don't even know - I should be able to do/be so much better than that."
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omg, I thought it was just me...
 
I take them a lot better than I did years ago. Back then I was just uncomfortable. If someone was complimenting me, that meant they were watching me! Now they don't bother me all that much, but like many of you, I think a lot of people use them to try and manipulate. As an INFJ, I feel I am pretty good at figuring out which ones are sincere. The ones that are real, give me a feeling of great humility and thankfulness.
 
YHWH said:
I'm cynical, compliments are the primary tool for manipulation.
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yes, but then i'd use my Ni to see if they're sincere! ;P

i pretty much agree with what everyone has said.. it makes me feel singled out, people are paying attention to me, i feel like i could do better.

yea, i used to be pretty nervous accepting compliments... i don't know how to react.. still learning to take it in and accept that i did well. perhaps i'm afraid of getting an ego.. i think it's that and the fact that i'm not used to feeling like i really did enough because i'm always 'working towards something', working towards my goal/ideal.
 
Why do many people have trouble accepting compliments?
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Because people typically expect an emotional response that might not be naturally
available.

Instead of choosing no response, they choose a negative one in hopes of you discontinuing the compliments.
 
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I think it's also the nature of the compliment. I'd rather someone compliment the work i do than who i am or who they think i am. Not a fan of compliments about intelligence, attractiveness, etc. I appreciate if someone acknowledges something i've said which is good and thoughtful or thought provoking, but i'm not keen on compliments which are said just to make me feel better.
 
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WellNoWonder said:
I don't know if they have alterior motives.

I usually go on defense. "What do you want?" is what I usually end up asking.
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Yeah I recognise that. I won't say it, but I'm usually suspicious when I receive compliments. "What does this person want from me?" That thought almost always goes through my mind for a second. I know it's bad. It depends on who gives the compliments though. If it's someone I trust it's easier to accept them.

But overall, I am terrible at accepting compliments. It always makes me feel embarrassed, so I usually try to laugh it away.
 
Restraint said:
I think it's also the nature of the compliment. I'd rather someone compliment the work i do than who i am or who they think i am. Compliments about intelligence, attractiveness, etc. I appreciate if someone acknowledges something i've said which is good and thoughtful or thought provoking, but i'm not keen on compliments to make me feel better.
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+1.

I also get embarrassed easily. But OTOH, I like brandishing compliments. What does that make me? >_>;

I keep thinking that they're amazing for doing that, and that what I did just now? Nyeh, it's substandard.
 
I have a problem dealing with compliments for the fact that I feel as if accepting them will make me seem egotistical. Also, I feel as if accepting a compliment can lead to disappointing others if I don't live up to the compliment.
 
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