why are some of us disliked?

I don't hate INFJ girls. If I had to pick out of all the personality types, I'd probably want to marry an INFJ, but I wouldn't be biased against other types if I really loved them. A lot of people always say, "Guys want logical girls," but I've always felt opposite. I want to be able to openly express my feelings with her and I want to be able to hear hers. But I'm an INFJ so I guess that makes me weird by default.
 
I don't hate INFJ girls. If I had to pick out of all the personality types, I'd probably want to marry an INFJ, but I wouldn't be biased against other types if I really loved them. A lot of people always say, "Guys want logical girls," but I've always felt opposite. I want to be able to openly express my feelings with her and I want to be able to hear hers. But I'm an INFJ so I guess that makes me weird by default.

Weird or perfect?
 
And you know INFJs are not perfect sometimes much like anybody sometimes INFJs can just tick people off.


Am I the only one who detects a tendency for people to think that INFJs are perfect, because they are so emapathic? Then they are hugely dissapointed to discover INFJs are very human.

Well I can sympathize with that at least.
 
Last edited:
And you know INFJs are not perfect sometimes much like anybody sometimes INFJs can just tick people off.


Am I the only one who detects a tendency for people to think that INFJs are perfect, because they are so emapathic? Then they are hugely dissapointed to discover INFJs are very human.

Well I can sympathize with that at least.
Being a perfectionist, as much as I wish I was perfect, I know I never will be. But I think you're right with that last part. INFJs can be very nice on the outside, but I think people are sort of caught off-guard if they reveal their deeper thoughts and feelings because it wasn't expected.
 
Are you sure about that? Intuitive women have to be very careful. Especially in relationships.

Our intuitions are often colored by our past experiences and biases. Sometimes these past experiences can cause us to misinterpret a person's intentions and in this case, we are not seeing "the TRUTH".... but our own interpretation that might be incorrect because it was colored by our past experiences and biases.

We intuitives have to accept that we can't always trust our intuitions as "the TRUTH."
Well said!!

And...
I'm baffled to learn that "men hate infjs."
But
I'm willing to bet it's not based on the infj uncanny ability to intuit one's innermost secrets, but that it has more to do with the fact that infjs aren't easy to get to know, which can be frustrating for people.
 
I think the main reason we have trouble is that we aren't social creatures in the popular sense. We don't really like big crowds and we don't have to be the center of attention. I'm horrible at small talk, probably because I hate it and find it to be nothing but a ceremonial act required by society. I never know what to say, because I don't want to sound shallow. I know that I've always had low self-esteem, so I never had the confidence to approach anyone. My self-esteem issues were not just physical, but also that I always think that people are going to find me to be an idiot. People always tell me that they're intimidated by my intelligence, but that hasn't kept me from feeling they think I'm stupid. I've been told by people that clearly didn't like me, but later became my friends that I seemed like I thought I was better than everyone else because I didn't talk to anyone and I was really smart. In reality, I'm just too shy.

I read into things way more than others, which I'm sure y'all do, too. We're always good friends to those we trust, because we are that insightful. And we are able to be somewhat unbiased, because we are easily able to put ourselves in the shoes of others. I was always the counselor for my circle of friends at every stage of my life.


I have lived all of that, word-for-word. What can be frustrating though are acquaintances who trust and accept all strangers willy-nilly and no matter how convincing you may sound in a situation although you're sure you know better, as others have said, our expressions just scream those intuitive emotions regardless.

Once in awhile (it used to be significantly worse) that leaves me to be the awkward quiet one in the room watching everyone. Men (rather, general population) interpret it as anything from arrogance or disinterest or intimidating or, or, or. Nope, just in a whole other realm AND trying to make sense of the nonsense, sorry! That blank stare means my heads at full capacity thinking about crap that I find intriguing and I figure that's fair... better than me joining in on the conversation at hand then allowing true opinions to come out disjointed and *sigh* rude, I suppose. I only have poor communication skills, guize. :m169:

The whole idea that some of 'em gentlemen don't appreciate our insight into their minds when they're so young is dead on. Dead, dead on. I fully expect my dating career to be a pathetic one for awhile.

Lucifer, you smarty-pants, I have loved everything you've said. Games are a necessary evil if casual dating is what you seek. I've only recently accepted this fact.
 
I think the main reason we have trouble is that we aren't social creatures in the popular sense. We don't really like big crowds and we don't have to be the center of attention. I'm horrible at small talk, probably because I hate it and find it to be nothing but a ceremonial act required by society. I never know what to say, because I don't want to sound shallow. I know that I've always had low self-esteem, so I never had the confidence to approach anyone. My self-esteem issues were not just physical, but also that I always think that people are going to find me to be an idiot. People always tell me that they're intimidated by my intelligence, but that hasn't kept me from feeling they think I'm stupid. I've been told by people that clearly didn't like me, but later became my friends that I seemed like I thought I was better than everyone else because I didn't talk to anyone and I was really smart. In reality, I'm just too shy.

I read into things way more than others, which I'm sure y'all do, too. We're always good friends to those we trust, because we are that insightful. And we are able to be somewhat unbiased, because we are easily able to put ourselves in the shoes of others. I was always the counselor for my circle of friends at every stage of my life.
I relate to what you have said here. It is a funny feeling reading it and seeing others who relate as well. I tend to take MBTI with a grain of salt, but some of the parallels are a little uncanny at times.

One day you'll find someone that is worth someone like you. Don't sweat it. Looking back on my 28 years, I've learned that you can't force things and you can't regret. Love comes to you when you aren't looking for it. I wasn't and neither was my husband. ...and go with your gut. If a person doesn't feel right, but you WANT to be attracted to them, run. Run far and run fast. Your gut knows best. I felt an instant connection to my first boyfriend and to my husband when I first saw them. All the other jerk-offs were ones I worked on finding something to like, so that I would want to date them.
It tooks me years, but was worth it. It took me until my late 30's. In my late 20's I found someone who was compatible as a friend and we married for a number of years, but there were some incredibly painful incompatibilities as lovers. I'm now with an INTP who has really strong Ti and Fi. He is one of the sweetest people and really intelligent. He doesn't mind talking through feelings and can be quite insightful. He spent many years with aggressive ESTJ type women who were angry, fighty, and competative, and so he feels the comradery in return because I'm really gentle and accomodating in relationships. Fights make me really sick, even small ones are avoided. Empathy combined with reason are enough to avoid most anger. We meet on the ground of objectivity and reason, but can also meet on the ground of sensitivity and caring.
 
Once in awhile (it used to be significantly worse) that leaves me to be the awkward quiet one in the room watching everyone. Men (rather, general population) interpret it as anything from arrogance or disinterest or intimidating or, or, or. Nope, just in a whole other realm AND trying to make sense of the nonsense, sorry! That blank stare means my heads at full capacity thinking about crap that I find intriguing and I figure that's fair... better than me joining in on the conversation at hand then allowing true opinions to come out disjointed and *sigh* rude, I suppose. I only have poor communication skills, guize. :m169:

I have been exactly in the same place for a long time. it seems like we are doomed to be the odd fish at the corner only because of the superfitial impressions of people.
 
I tend to be the person sitting off to the side observing, because I'm trying to learn the truth about each person. I want to know I can trust or like someone before I talk to them. I watch body language and listen for sincerity in their voices. I check to see if their smiles are genuine. And I try to think about what I can say that wouldn't make me sound like an idiot. I have to hold back my deep, insightful (for lack of a better word) thoughts and comments, so I don't turn everyone off with my serious, buzz-kill ideas. But, I also try not to offend if I want to say something witty and funny, since sometimes I can sound like a dick without meaning to. I've always been a social misfit, but I've found comfort in other social misfits and people that are very extroverted, but very open-minded.
 
And you know INFJs are not perfect sometimes much like anybody sometimes INFJs can just tick people off.


Am I the only one who detects a tendency for people to think that INFJs are perfect, because they are so emapathic? Then they are hugely dissapointed to discover INFJs are very human.

Well I can sympathize with that at least.

And I can easily admit I'm not perfect. Far from it. I only like to think that I'm a good person with a big heart. I can't even pull that off a lot of the time, though. I can guarantee you, not one person in this world finds me to be perfect.
 
And I can easily admit I'm not perfect. Far from it. I only like to think that I'm a good person with a big heart. I can't even pull that off a lot of the time, though. I can guarantee you, not one person in this world finds me to be perfect.

Well I met that I think people can get all wide eyed when they first meet an INFJ because INFJs can be so supportive and compassionate. But like later they figure out that INFJs have a disappointing side like anyone else.

Like when I first of typology I had that attitude toward INFJs, the I met a few. I can safely say that this place has made me more realistic about it.

I hope that was more clear. ;)
 
And you know INFJs are not perfect sometimes much like anybody sometimes INFJs can just tick people off.


Am I the only one who detects a tendency for people to think that INFJs are perfect, because they are so emapathic? Then they are hugely dissapointed to discover INFJs are very human.

Well I can sympathize with that at least.

I was just kidding about the perfect part you know
 
Like the best way to attract mates at least in the short term is by playing the dating game and be willing to put up with more casual relationships. It strikes me that if it doesn't have the potential to be serious then INFJs aren't particularly interested. Right?

Thus an INFJ might not attract as many dates.

Unless ofcourse your incredibly hot

Pretty much I don't have time for causal relationships. I could provably get them but I not a fan. I give way to much to get so little back.

Oh and being an INFJ male is a fate worse then death. I'm the nice guy and the jerks always get the women. I'm always the friend never the lover.

I'm so sick of it.

You mean people don't like us?

:D

Seriously though. I've learned that men don't hate INFJ girls but they sort of fear us. If they like us, they might just love us, and that's scary for them if they aren't ready for that, and if they aren't ready for that, then they aren't going to like us are they?

I have heard that INFJ's are the kind of people you want to settle down with not screw around with. I think about it and feel like that is true, but until you meet the one you're going to settle down with it kind of feels like you're left out of the fun.

I wish it were different. But I guess that's just how it is... Maybe I'm wrong.

I do to. I need a good screwing. It sucks being single for so long.


Being a perfectionist, as much as I wish I was perfect, I know I never will be. But I think you're right with that last part. INFJs can be very nice on the outside, but I think people are sort of caught off-guard if they reveal their deeper thoughts and feelings because it wasn't expected.

Thats very true. Also I know most of us are really really intense an passionate. And sometimes often dark and complex.

Thats not something most people want to tackle.

They want a shallow hotie who they don't have to work to hard to make it work.

I have lived all of that, word-for-word. What can be frustrating though are acquaintances who trust and accept all strangers willy-nilly and no matter how convincing you may sound in a situation although you're sure you know better, as others have said, our expressions just scream those intuitive emotions regardless.

Once in awhile (it used to be significantly worse) that leaves me to be the awkward quiet one in the room watching everyone. Men (rather, general population) interpret it as anything from arrogance or disinterest or intimidating or, or, or. Nope, just in a whole other realm AND trying to make sense of the nonsense, sorry! That blank stare means my heads at full capacity thinking about crap that I find intriguing and I figure that's fair... better than me joining in on the conversation at hand then allowing true opinions to come out disjointed and *sigh* rude, I suppose. I only have poor communication skills, guize. :m169:

The whole idea that some of 'em gentlemen don't appreciate our insight into their minds when they're so young is dead on. Dead, dead on. I fully expect my dating career to be a pathetic one for awhile.

Lucifer, you smarty-pants, I have loved everything you've said. Games are a necessary evil if casual dating is what you seek. I've only recently accepted this fact.

Thats one issue I can't stand mind games. Thats part of the reason I don't want to date.

I'm so tired of all of it.

I'm not asking for alot. I don't need to be with tons of people just someone to not friend zone me or brush me off.

I'm so tired of being an INFJ male.

I think I should make a thread about this...
 
INFJs are slow to be themselves which can make first encounters awkward. It is obvious and some what grating when you see an INFJ tr to be someone their not. :m192:

Also INFJs insights into your mind can make you feel vulnerable, which is a bit creepy.

Well no I am actually thinking of this one kid I know...

Oh I misunderstood the question

Well I mean if your not willing to play the game you are not going to win, catch my drift?
Interesting. I had a similar experience with an INTP female who I was friends with for a few months. My particular 'trying to be someone I was not' action was from trying to be too much of a T and not allowing my F to shine -- more often it would surface in me seeming cocky or arrogant, without even realizing it. I told her its because I never really wanted to appear weak or needing anything from people and it was a defense mechanism -- but I think it was generally a turn off regardless because NTPs often have a greater handle on social mechanics then one would believe by looking at their profiles -- of course they are not as good as Ni types at determining motivations and underlying mechanics -- still they notice a lot because their perception is rooted in the external world.
 
Last edited:
I would've thought that having empathy for other people would be a good foundation for a relationship but I find while men love talking to me, they avoid me for romantic relationships. The rare ones that don't abandon me just want to be friends.

Why do men hate INFJ girls? Is it because we don't talk all the time?


Cause no one likes a know it all and men in general dont like to be told how they should be acting.


BTW if you are caught in the friend zone - get out of it. Act like an asshole, be a jerk, spill coffee in thier face 3 times a day. It isnt hard to do!
 
Last edited:
I like know-it-alls... but yeah, can't stand being told how I should be acting.
 
Interesting. I had a similar experience with an INTP female who I was friends with for a few months. My particular 'trying to be someone I was not' action was from trying to be too much of a T and not allowing my F to shine -- more often it would surface in me seeming cocky or arrogant, without even realizing it. I told her its because I never really wanted to appear weak or needing anything from people and it was a defense mechanism -- but I think it was generally a turn off regardless because NTPs often have a greater handle on social mechanics then one would believe by looking at their profiles -- of course they are not as good as Ni types at determining motivations and underlying mechanics -- still they notice a lot because their perception is rooted in the external world.
ENTPs have a fantastic handle on social mechanics. We're also very good at determing motivations. Mostly because we're cynical.
 
I do not hate anyone based on their MBTI type. Perhaps everyone doesn't want to be 'saved' by the gifts that we can bring to the table: empathy, compassion, understanding, etc.

The INFJ personality predisposes itself to saving others and to the empathetic connection that can be built between people.

My question to you Nat is this: who/what are you searching for, and who is it that dislikes you? You don't have to answer, but do think about it.
 
Back
Top