Cuddle Donor
Community Member
- MBTI
- INFP
I've just had a revelation of sorts. Recently I noticed I become more of an ISTJ at work (and ESTJ when overly stressed), but I've done more thinking into how I come across in other contexts. I think 60% of the time I still come off as ISTJ (an unhealthy/awkward one mind you), even in casual situations. The rest is regular INFP like when I'm posting here or ENFP when I'm around good friends... or drunk... pfft same thing.
For a long time I had this feeling that I wasn't myself, but I could never really put my finger on what was causing me to not be myself, or what "myself" was in the first place. Sorry I can't really explain this better. When I discovered MBTI and settled on INFP as my type it was a step closer but there was still some uncertainty. INFP made sense to me, but for some reason I still didn't feel comfortable in myself. I thought I felt too stressed as an INFP for it to be my natural type, that I may naturally have been ENFP, and some circumstance had caused me to become incredibly defensive and reclusive, thus to behave as an introvert. This came when I noticed a correlation in behaviour and mood. When I was extroverting (as an ENFP), I was happy and jovial, and while I was introverting I was just the opposite. For a time I thought that extroverting is what made me happy. In reality it was backwards; being happy is what made me behave extrovertedly.
My parents tell me even at a young age that I was a quiet person, so before I had this revelation I thought whatever may have happened must have happened really young. With this knowledge that I come off as ISTJ it means that this is not the case. There was no trauma that caused me to be introverted, I just was. The feeling that I wasn't being myself was coming from the fact I was behaving as an ISTJ rather than and INFP. It is apparent to me that I think as and feel like an INFP so that's why it made sense to me, but I hadn't really thought about how I was acting or came off to others until recently.
Perhaps it is no surprise then that my best friend with whom I share a lot in common with is ISTJ, at least he comes off as one. Maybe he is INFP on the inside as well. I'll have to tell him about MBTI.
So how did my ISTJ side develop and take over in certain social contexts? I think my ISTJ persona is an over-zealous defence mechanism; a way for me to hide/protect my real self from others. I was reading a few threads here about bullying and was going to make a reply outlining how I was bullied but it didn't affect me; how I just ignored it rah rah rah... but that is my ISTJ right there! I think bullying, or any instance where I predicted I would get hurt would bring about my clinical and robotic ISTJ side to either give people impressions that my feelings weren't hurt or maybe to distract them with a different personality. I don't know, but now it's just become a force of habit in any situation where I leave myself even slightly vulnerable.
I feel I am a roasted marshmallow: hardened on the outside by my environment, yet still warm, sweet and gooey on the inside. :love:
This might have impeded my growth as an INFP. I would have neglected my Fi and certainly my Ne. I have become a prisoner of the walls that I used to keep others out of my emotional space. Now I want to break from the ISTJ binds that inhibit me from being my true self around others. On the other hand I suppose it has taught me to really appreciate my primary functions.
I don't want to abandon the ISTJ side of me entirely however. I don't think any type is better than another. On the contrary: I want to control it. I want to invoke the ISTJ when the context best calls for it, and banish it when it doesn't. I think harnessing this side of me is fundamental to my success as a human being to say the least. The combination of INFP ambition and ISTJ work-ethic I believe can make for a powerful force.
Anyway that's enough of me for now. Tell me about you.
For a long time I had this feeling that I wasn't myself, but I could never really put my finger on what was causing me to not be myself, or what "myself" was in the first place. Sorry I can't really explain this better. When I discovered MBTI and settled on INFP as my type it was a step closer but there was still some uncertainty. INFP made sense to me, but for some reason I still didn't feel comfortable in myself. I thought I felt too stressed as an INFP for it to be my natural type, that I may naturally have been ENFP, and some circumstance had caused me to become incredibly defensive and reclusive, thus to behave as an introvert. This came when I noticed a correlation in behaviour and mood. When I was extroverting (as an ENFP), I was happy and jovial, and while I was introverting I was just the opposite. For a time I thought that extroverting is what made me happy. In reality it was backwards; being happy is what made me behave extrovertedly.
My parents tell me even at a young age that I was a quiet person, so before I had this revelation I thought whatever may have happened must have happened really young. With this knowledge that I come off as ISTJ it means that this is not the case. There was no trauma that caused me to be introverted, I just was. The feeling that I wasn't being myself was coming from the fact I was behaving as an ISTJ rather than and INFP. It is apparent to me that I think as and feel like an INFP so that's why it made sense to me, but I hadn't really thought about how I was acting or came off to others until recently.
Perhaps it is no surprise then that my best friend with whom I share a lot in common with is ISTJ, at least he comes off as one. Maybe he is INFP on the inside as well. I'll have to tell him about MBTI.
So how did my ISTJ side develop and take over in certain social contexts? I think my ISTJ persona is an over-zealous defence mechanism; a way for me to hide/protect my real self from others. I was reading a few threads here about bullying and was going to make a reply outlining how I was bullied but it didn't affect me; how I just ignored it rah rah rah... but that is my ISTJ right there! I think bullying, or any instance where I predicted I would get hurt would bring about my clinical and robotic ISTJ side to either give people impressions that my feelings weren't hurt or maybe to distract them with a different personality. I don't know, but now it's just become a force of habit in any situation where I leave myself even slightly vulnerable.
I feel I am a roasted marshmallow: hardened on the outside by my environment, yet still warm, sweet and gooey on the inside. :love:
This might have impeded my growth as an INFP. I would have neglected my Fi and certainly my Ne. I have become a prisoner of the walls that I used to keep others out of my emotional space. Now I want to break from the ISTJ binds that inhibit me from being my true self around others. On the other hand I suppose it has taught me to really appreciate my primary functions.
I don't want to abandon the ISTJ side of me entirely however. I don't think any type is better than another. On the contrary: I want to control it. I want to invoke the ISTJ when the context best calls for it, and banish it when it doesn't. I think harnessing this side of me is fundamental to my success as a human being to say the least. The combination of INFP ambition and ISTJ work-ethic I believe can make for a powerful force.
Anyway that's enough of me for now. Tell me about you.
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