What Is Your Interest In a Family?

[christmas]

Children don't like me, lol. I like kids I know, but other peoples kids... Dunno, they leave me alone and I leave them alone! The problem is, I can't show my caring for kids when others are around me, so people think I hate them but I really want to teach them things and talk to them and play about with them. In other words, I do like kids, but I can't really express it and feel awkward and 'oh shit, did I do that wrong?' around them.

Yeah, I feel that way a lot.

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

A couple of my college buddies have kids, and I can tell that they are experiencing something wonderful. Everyone tells me I should have kids. Even a stranger told me that once, and he wasn't being sarcastic at all. I used to want like 8 kids. Now I'm negotiating with my husband. He wants three. I said how about 1.5? Now to the question. I do want a family, but I'm also kind of selfish with my husband. I want to do things with him. I hope I'll feel ready soon.

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

Like Yield, I don't think kids like me. I really would like to adopt, but I'm not sure if my dad would be super cool with that. I don't want to deprive my children of a grandparent when my grandparents meant so much to me growing up.

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
Sure because if my kids turn out anything like me or their father they'll want alone time too. It's another reason I'd like to skip the baby stage and adopt.

 

[bamf]

I really would like to adopt, but I'm not sure if my dad would be super cool with that. I don't want to deprive my children of a grandparent when my grandparents meant so much to me growing up.

Just because they aren't his blood grandchildren wouldn't make them any less his grandchildren. Family isn't tied by blood but rather love.

 

[christmas]

Just because they aren't his blood grandchildren wouldn't make them any less his grandchildren. Family isn't tied by blood but rather love.

Yeah, I know we feel that way (and we're right), but dad is one of those folks crazy about his bloodline. I'm gonna ask him about it maybe this weekend and prepare myself for a tirade.

 

[Norton]

For those with a family:

1. How long were you in a relationship before you had children? Did you always want children?

2. How is your family different from how you had imagined it when you were younger?

3. Are you able to find balance between others' needs and your own needs for isolation?

1. Six years. My wife did. I never much thought about it.

2. It isn't, given that I never much thought about it.

3. Everyone in my family is strongly introverted so we all get along very well. Our home is peaceful.

 

[]L%;Zwnj]

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

Yes, I do want a family. Actually, I always have. I won't change my mind... it's always been my biggest desire, to have someone who will always love me and who will let me love him back. I love people so much that I can't stand it sometimes, so all I really want is to have people who will let me love and take care of them and not think it's strange how much I really care about and admire them. Does that make sense...? It sounds confusing when I type it but it sounds right in my head.

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

I LOVE KIDS. I have a few younger siblings that I don't love so much all the time, but I still love kids. They are innocent and sincere, and I think you can learn so much from them, since they are a lot less tainted by the world than we adults are. I definitely want kids of my own.

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

I haven't figured out this part yet. I'll just have to take time for myself now and then, even if it's not for very long. I'll ask my husband to take care of the kids while I am having some alone time to think. Once the kids have gotten older I'll have more time for myself, I'm sure. Having a family is worth all the effort it will require.

 

[NeverAmI]

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

Yes, I do want a family. Actually, I always have. I won't change my mind... it's always been my biggest desire, to have someone who will always love me and who will let me love him back. I love people so much that I can't stand it sometimes, so all I really want is to have people who will let me love and take care of them and not think it's strange how much I really care about and admire them. Does that make sense...? It sounds confusing when I type it but it sounds right in my head.

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

I LOVE KIDS. I have a few younger siblings that I don't love so much all the time, but I still love kids. They are innocent and sincere, and I think you can learn so much from them, since they are a lot less tainted by the world than we adults are. I definitely want kids of my own.

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

I haven't figured out this part yet. I'll just have to take time for myself now and then, even if it's not for very long. I'll ask my husband to take care of the kids while I am having some alone time to think. Once the kids have gotten older I'll have more time for myself, I'm sure. Having a family is worth all the effort it will require.

I was shocked by how many INFJ's don't want children, I thought there would be a lot more who would like to have them.

I share very close to the same opinion as you.

 

[Grasshopper]

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, and I don't really care if I get married or not, but I do want to spend my life with a significant other. The people I love, including my friends, are my family, and that is good enough for me.

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
I don't really like kids, never have. I am unsure about whether I want to have any of my own, but Im thinking I most likely wont.

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
I think isolation is not good for me, I need it to a certain degree being an introvert and all, but I fight the desire to isolate. If I had kids I would just drop them off with the grandparents once and awhile so I can get some time to myself.

 

[Billy]

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

I know for certain that I want a family. A large one preferably.

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

I love children, I want my own children, I would like at least 3 and at least 1 son.

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

I dont have a need for isolation, I just learn to use my alone time to think, if I had a wife and kids that wouldnt matter as much to meas they did.

 

[NeverAmI]

I know for certain that I want a family. A large one preferably.



I love children, I want my own children, I would like at least 3 and at least 1 son.



I dont have a need for isolation, I just learn to use my alone time to think, if I had a wife and kids that wouldnt matter as much to meas they did.

I don't know much about you, but I think you would make a GREAT father.

 

[]L%;Zwnj]

I was shocked by how many INFJ's don't want children, I thought there would be a lot more who would like to have them.

I share very close to the same opinion as you.

Same here, I expected that lots of INFJs would want a family... I wonder why so many do not, as far as MBTI goes?

 

[acd]

Yes yes and yes.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

Same here, I expected that lots of INFJs would want a family... I wonder why so many do not, as far as MBTI goes?

Families are nice and all, but I think a lot of INxJ people like their independence and privacy -- and I don't know about everyone else, but I want to do things with my life, and a family is a quick way to limit that. It's not a bad thing, but it's something to take into consideration...

 

[bs98r3kjf]

For the purpose of this thread, family refers to having a significant other along with children.

Edit: Sorry I am rewording this. Family refers to having a child or children, significant other is optional.

For those without a family:

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

1. Yes.
2. Yes and yes.
3. Yes.

 

[]L%;Zwnj]

Families are nice and all, but I think a lot of INxJ people like their independence and privacy -- and I don't know about everyone else, but I want to do things with my life, and a family is a quick way to limit that. It's not a bad thing, but it's something to take into consideration...

Interesting. Okay, that makes sense. What about the Feeling part of INFJs though? Maybe I'm just extreme in that way, but my Feeling overcomes my desire for privacy, so that's why I want a family so badly.

 

[Gaze]

i don't know. I think i'd overwhelm my non-existent future kids with all my feeling. I'd fear for their sanity.

 

[]L%;Zwnj]

i don't know. I think i'd overwhelm my non-existent future kids with all my feeling. I'd fear for their sanity.

A legitimate fear to be sure... but I think if you have kids then you'll love them so much that you'll be willing to change yourself just a little to keep them sane, you know? I know I'm definitely going to have to change A LOT when I have a family.

Family is awesome... and INFJs are pretty cool people, so I think our future families will learn to love us for how we are just like our current immediate families try to love us now. All we can do is be the best friend/loved one that we can be for the ones we care about and it'll work out.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

Interesting. Okay, that makes sense. What about the Feeling part of INFJs though? Maybe I'm just extreme in that way, but my Feeling overcomes my desire for privacy, so that's why I want a family so badly.

My Feeling side is exclusive. Yes, I would love to have kids and a family, but I'd also be perfectly happy with just a significant other and discovering things across the world.

 

[Pristinegirl]

For the purpose of this thread, family refers to having a significant other along with children.

Edit: Sorry I am rewording this. Family refers to having a child or children, significant other is optional.

For those without a family:

1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

1) I really love the thought of a family ^^ It warms my heart. Right now in life, I could definetly not pursue one yet but definetly in the future. I really want/'need' a significant other in my life. I could not stand the thought of a life in solitude.

2) Like Yield said haha. At this point I like other people's children. When I used to babysit, it was dreadful at first but as they got to know me and started calling me 'mom' it became lovely ^^ (I would have been fired instantly if she knew xD).
I would love to have children but I need to have reached a point where I am done focusing on my life or at least be satisfied with where I am at. Because I need to know that I can wholeheartedly be there for my child without too much of my own concerns ^^

3) I am not in need of regular isolation, but I would Definetly want/need to sometimes be able to do things other than 'the demands of the family'.

 

[NeverAmI]

1) I really love the thought of a family ^^ It warms my heart. Right now in life, I could definetly not pursue one yet but definetly in the future. I really want/'need' a significant other in my life. I could not stand the thought of a life in solitude.

2) Like Yield said haha. At this point I like other people's children. When I used to babysit, it was dreadful at first but as they got to know me and started calling me 'mom' it became lovely ^^ (I would have been fired instantly if she knew xD).
I would love to have children but I need to have reached a point where I am done focusing on my life or at least be satisfied with where I am at. Because I need to know that I can wholeheartedly be there for my child without too much of my own concerns ^^

3) I am not in need of regular isolation, but I would Definetly want/need to sometimes be able to do things other than 'the demands of the family'.

I felt the same way as you. You are very wise. I hope it all works out how you would like!

 

[Gaze]

A legitimate fear to be sure... but I think if you have kids then you'll love them so much that you'll be willing to change yourself just a little to keep them sane, you know? I know I'm definitely going to have to change A LOT when I have a family.

Thanks Passion. I was saying it half-heartedly. I mean, kids are pretty good at adjusting and adapting, and I have no doubt that I would be fully in love with my kids if I have any. They would be the loves of my life, and I would do everything to make sure who I am doesn't interfere with the opportunities they have or who they can become.

But realistically, it's important to take an objective look sometimes. I'm a little worried that I'd overwhelm them with my feelings and sensitivities. I'd want to be in a place (emotionally/psychologically) where my kids won't inherit my neuroses . That's what I meant by sane.