What Is Your Interest In a Family? | INFJ Forum

What Is Your Interest In a Family?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by NeverAmI, Oct 22, 2009.

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  1. NeverAmI

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    For the purpose of this thread, family refers to having a significant other along with children.

    Edit: Sorry I am rewording this. Family refers to having a child or children, significant other is optional.

    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?


    For those with a family:

    1. How long were you in a relationship before you had children? Did you always want children?

    2. How is your family different from how you had imagined it when you were younger?

    3. Are you able to find balance between others' needs and your own needs for isolation?
     
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    #1 NeverAmI, Oct 22, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2009
  2. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    Right now, I'm not sure. It depends who I find and how much stuff we want to do before we settle down. It could go either way.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    I like children well enough, and I wouldn't mind having some in the future. I highly recommend adoption, so I might adopt -- I'm not sure if I'd have my own, as of right now.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    Yeah, I think I'd do okay at that. I don't think I'd want a huge amount of children in the house anyways, so it'd be easier with that.
     
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  3. testing

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    1. 15 years. Yes, I have always wanted children since I was a child. I mother people against their will sometimes. Used to want 5 children until I realized how much work it is.

    2. My children do not stare adoringly at me and comply with my every whim, or stay clean, or love each other all the time, as I had imagined when I was youger.

    3. Not really. My kids need me and my husband, we are there for them. This just goes with the territory when you have small children. Fortunately we are in 100% agreement about our kids. We do get to go out to eat once in a while. My need for isolation? Hah! It was only fulfilled in the bathroom, and often not even then, when I was a stay-at-home mommy. Now that I have to work, I actually get a little good quality isolation more. In some ways working is easier, but I would still choose being with my children. I love them.
     
  4. OP
    NeverAmI

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    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

    I have been thinking about a family for a long time. But I am torn as well. I don't want to become committed to something and realize that what I really wanted was to explore the world, or something else that wouldn't provide a good environment for a family.

    Overall, I think I would be quite happy to live a quiet life with people that I love deeply.


    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

    I am mixed on this one. I love the children of my friends and family. I am not particularly interested in children of people I do not know. Some of them come to me and form a quick bond, but when I see them whining and complaining, I think we can all relate on how we feel. :p

    As for my own children, absolutely! The woman I work with that I pursued already had 2 beautiful girls, Dakotah and Kamryn. I love them to death and I would have been perfectly happy accepting them as my own. I want children of my own, but if she did not want any more children, I could accept that.


    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

    I wonder about this a lot. I have realized for a long time the amount of selflessness required to support a family and I try to become accustomed to this in my everyday life. But I am still concerned that I would not get the necessary relief and end up becoming a bad role model for my children.
     
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    #4 NeverAmI, Oct 22, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2009
  5. Entyqua

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    1. How long were you in a relationship before you had children? Did you always want children?
    Complicated answer, this...OK I have to answer the second question first...I never let myself want children because I was told at a very young age I could not have them. Then I had one...I had only known the guy two weeks (HEY dont judge I have already explained myself!!) Luckily that guy stuck around...when our daughter was 5 months old we got married.

    2. How is your family different from how you had imagined it when you were younger?
    I never let myself imagine it, but as I child I always swore if I ever had a child, it would never be hurt, beaten, or touched...it would be free to be a child...

    3. Are you able to find balance between others' needs and your own needs for isolation?
    Yes, I dont work. My daughter is eight, and my husband goes to work. I get to work on my writing all day which is the perfect isolation for me. If I need it at other times, my spouse is always willing to provide.
     
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  6. Entyqua

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    I think you will come to realize that in the right setting, the family will respect your need to explore...mine does.

    Children are wonderful, but im with you other peoples kids are annoying at times.

    I think you will realize that the selflessness comes easily...Its encoded into you blood...
     
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  7. Gaze

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    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    I used to, but I'm not planning on having children in the future. I don't think I'll change my mind. Who knows, circumstances may change. But it's not something I'm planning towards.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    - Not sure how to answer the first question. For the second, I'm not sure if it's a matter of wanting children, rather than being ready for them. I think my relationship with children is neutral.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    - I think that there are just too many insecurities to handle, to be the parent that I would need to be. I would need to reach a more healthy plane of existence before I would be ready to take on the responsibility.
    - I think I would struggle with that balance tbh. I'm not sure I could give them the guidance they would need. There's nurturing and sensitivity, yes, but there's so much which is different today about raising a child, that I'm not sure I would be able to, realistically and effectively.
     
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    #7 Gaze, Oct 22, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2009
  8. OP
    NeverAmI

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    Sounds like you found EXACTLY what you need. I am very happy for you!
     
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  9. Entyqua

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    some days...today is just a good day! :m145:
     
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  10. OP
    NeverAmI

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    A very honest answer, I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing!
     
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  11. OP
    NeverAmI

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    I am glad to hear this, you give me hope.
     
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  12. OP
    NeverAmI

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    Sounds like you know yourself well. Thank you for the analysis!
     
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  13. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    No and no.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    Children are O.K. but a ton of work. They wear me out, and I'd never want to have children of my own. 18 years of being a slave! I've considered being a temporary home for kids who have been pulled out of an abusive home life, a temporary foster family type deal. But I wouldn't want that to last any longer than a couple of years.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    No, I don't think I would be able to do it in a matter that would make me completely satisfied.
     
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  14. NekoLove

    NekoLove Regular Poster

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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    No. I'm open to the possibility that I may change my mind one day, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I never do.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    Not really. To both. But like I said, I realize that this could someday change.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    At the moment, no. I have too many demands of my own and too many interests to pursue, and having to take care of children fits nowhere in my vision of how I want my life to be. Luckily, I am married to someone who feels the same way I do.
     
  15. Nela

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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    I want a significant other, as for children, I'd say no.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    Hm that's a difficult one. I don't dislike children, but I don't really like them either.. I always said I didn't want children. I just never felt that desire. But impulsive as I am in that regard, I know I could change mind.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    I think I could, but that's actually an important reason why I'm not sure about having kids myself. I'm not sure whether I like the idea of having to give up important aspects of my life in order to take care of a family. Unlike most girls my age that I know, I'm just not attracted to the whole idea of raising children and having a family.
     
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  16. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

    I remember throughout my teens I would always get badgered by my family about getting married and having kids. I know that sounds weird but they were just joking but it always used to cut me deep. I hated the idea. But over the past 2 years I think about it... a lot. I'm not keen on the idea of marriage and I don't relate to the idea of 'settling down' though. But being with a woman for the rest of your life, struggling together. Laughing and crying together. Going through the immense pain and tremendous happiness together. I imagine it requires the utmost respect, integrity and perseverance. All challenges that appeal to me.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

    Children don't like me, lol. I like kids I know, but other peoples kids... Dunno, they leave me alone and I leave them alone! The problem is, I can't show my caring for kids when others are around me, so people think I hate them but I really want to teach them things and talk to them and play about with them. In other words, I do like kids, but I can't really express it and feel awkward and 'oh shit, did I do that wrong?' around them.

    As for thinking about it a lot... I imagine having a son and me being this strong, intelligent, mature and together... man. A father. I would raise him to be a good person, to be confident, independent have high self esteem and to be a good person. Teach him to be strong and help others. And to do what you desire in life. The way I see, I am helping out man kind by furthering the race, raising a good person who will benefit society and others.

    Part of the desire comes from my discontent with my own upbringing. I'll do all the things my parents never did for me. I'll show them how it's done. I'll be there for 'em, talk to them but in a non-clingy/obsessive way. Tough love, baby.

    I've heard people say that killing someone is the most profound thing you can do. But making a human being with a woman that you love- a new, unique person who is a fusion of you and her on the deepest possibly level- that is profound, man.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

    Dude, I've been alone my whole life. I imagine a wife/partner and kids would become a part of it, not some thing you do in between wanting to be alone.

    That may have come across as sugar coated but I'm sure we can all think of a tonne of reason NOT to have a family.
     
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  17. The Jester

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    No and no, because I don't think I'd be a good dad. I wouldn't be able to provide them the stable household they need. I'd like a partner though, but I'm not sure if I'd be a good lover, because my expectations are too high. (I don't mean my standards, but my expectations.)

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    I think I'd like to raise a child, but I will not choose to have one probably. ^

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    I don't think that my need for isolation would be more important than the needs of my non-existing children and family.
     
  18. OP
    NeverAmI

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    I am so astounded by these diverse responses!
     
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  19. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?
    I do want to have a family, SOMEday. I try not to focus on this or make it a priority, because that would most likely lead to disappointment. Whatever will be, will be.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?
    I love children. I've lived vicariously thru my best friend and her son (whom I refer to as my nephew) and practically raised one. I also want to be a teacher, so I had better like kids.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?
    I think the need for isolation would quickly fall by the wayside. Part of being a parent and a partner is making personal sacrifices for loved ones. The end result should be much more fulfilling than any amount of alone time.
     
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    #19 youhemmein, Oct 22, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2009
  20. bamf

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    For those without a family:

    1. Do you want a family? If not, do you think you will change your mind in the future?

    Yeah I do but not for a some time. I want to get married and enjoy a good 5 years or so before starting a family. I want to enjoy married life with my wife before having to settle down with kids.

    2. Do you like children? Do you want children of your own?

    Children seem to be naturally attracted to me. Maybe it's because I've never completely grown up? I like kids and I want children of my own someday, one or two sounds ideal. When I was in high school I use to occasionally volunteer with an after school program at my local elementary school and the kids were drawn to me. Kids are also some of the truest people you'll ever meet. They say what's on their mind and don't mince words. Generally they are some of the nicest people too.

    3. Do you think you would be able to balance your need for isolation vs the demands of a family?

    My family is actually something I almost never feel overwhelmed by. I have a really close/good relationship with not only my parents and my sister, but also my extended family on both sides. I could spend weeks with my extended family and never get bored. I can't imagine my own family in the future would be any different.
     
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