What is it like to have a father?
- Thread starter Satya
- Start date
I don't recall too many good memories of my father because there were some really bad times between us.
I think if he'd been more emotionally available, and not so ready to hit when he was disappointed in me for who I was, I might have been able to recall way more of my childhood.
He and I share a love of astronomy and sciences, and we used to spend good times together, stargazing thru his telescope when I was a teen. Also, we would watch lots of Nova and Karl Sagan together, and discuss astronomical theories...
Also, I think if he valued my gender more while growing up, I'd be more in touch with my feminine side, as apposed to feeling somehow genderless at times, and behaving so much like a Tomboy.
I guess in general, I'm accepting of my father's influence on my life at this point in time, and can see the value of his presence in my past, but can see how things could have been much better for my development in some ways.
I think if he'd been more emotionally available, and not so ready to hit when he was disappointed in me for who I was, I might have been able to recall way more of my childhood.
He and I share a love of astronomy and sciences, and we used to spend good times together, stargazing thru his telescope when I was a teen. Also, we would watch lots of Nova and Karl Sagan together, and discuss astronomical theories...
Also, I think if he valued my gender more while growing up, I'd be more in touch with my feminine side, as apposed to feeling somehow genderless at times, and behaving so much like a Tomboy.
I guess in general, I'm accepting of my father's influence on my life at this point in time, and can see the value of his presence in my past, but can see how things could have been much better for my development in some ways.
I don't know how my life would have been different with a father. I think it was hardest on my brother because he was more alone without a role model. For some stupid reason men tended to be rather mean to him as a child perhaps because he was really intelligent, but socially a little backwards. His fifth grade teacher was actually quite mean to him, and his first grade teacher at a small church school let his sons bully him.
I can see some advantages to having a zero connection with a father if he is harmful. A partial connection can cause more emotional damage, i think, because children tend to accept what is presented to them as their point of reference.
I can see some advantages to having a zero connection with a father if he is harmful. A partial connection can cause more emotional damage, i think, because children tend to accept what is presented to them as their point of reference.
You'd still be you! (hugs)
My dad was (is) great, but is also the sort of stereotypical white male businessman who doesn't do mushy stuff or change diapers. He provides for his family and disappears behind a newspaper and a scotch at night. He's an ISTJ/P and worked very hard when I was extremely little, so I actually rarely remember seeing him as a little girl, he was around but in a vague, oh, yeah, I forgot, YOU live here kind of way. I remember being so tiny I sort of forgot his head was there because all I ever saw was his knees and heard this big booming voice from somewhere near the stratosphere. I was a little frightened, actually.
I never quite felt as comfortable with him as with my mom because he simply wasn't the go-to parent about boo-boos or carpools or god forbid, boy trouble. (cringe)
As I got older, he played with me, taught me how to do interesting things like ski and shoot Pabst blue ribbon cans with a BBgun, and provided a load of calm common sense delivered with a smart-assy pun. He liked my brothers much better due to their lack of hysterics and angst, but he loved me too. He's a little absent-minded professory sometimes. He LOVES to read, and had me reading by 4. (And would brag to anyone who would listen. Or not.) Not sensitive. He himself was a privileged but pressured only child -- and it kind of shows to this day.
He encouraged me to learn and try new things which made me less picky and more adventurous than I would have been otherwise. He encourages honesty and trying to find facts. I remember him holding me during absolute temper tantrum meltdowns and how just being gently physically restrained helped me get calmer emotionally.
I always knew (know) he will protect me, and having a father support his family materially can be hugely important as well. I was never spoiled, exactly -- worked since I was 14 -- but still, I knew if there was something I really needed, be it a roof over my head or whatever, my dad would do his best to see I got it. Okay I guess I was spoiled.
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Exchange this with sister for me....
He raised me and I love him because I just do. Beyond that....wish I could tell you.
That depends entirely on the father, and the child. My siblings get along ok with my dad, while me and him are often at each others' throats due to differences in lifestyle and worldview. We never got along, which is why I live on my own, regardless of whether or not I think it would be more prudent to live at home w/mom and dad.
I learned a lot from my dad, some spoken, most not...just example. I think the total immersion in family as one grows up allows life lessons to be observed and processed, even if we don't understand all the mechanics. He was a good person who cared about each of us kids and let us each develop in our own ways. He was warm and friendly sort with just about anybody. Very easy going. Mom was the spitfire!
I have my own stories as a father, too...both with the boys and the girls...stores for another thread I suspect. Suffice it to say we are all pretty close even as everybody goes off in their own directions in life. I think being an engaged/involved dad made a big difference, again, mainly from the perspective of example and consistent input back and forth. No one, of course, is perfect but kids even learn from how we struggle in life, too.
I have my own stories as a father, too...both with the boys and the girls...stores for another thread I suspect. Suffice it to say we are all pretty close even as everybody goes off in their own directions in life. I think being an engaged/involved dad made a big difference, again, mainly from the perspective of example and consistent input back and forth. No one, of course, is perfect but kids even learn from how we struggle in life, too.
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I wouldn't have a cellphone and would have a ride every night to the youth organization I go to, I wouldn't have a thesaurus and I wouldn't know certain driving tips he told me, uhmmm, I wouldn't have my cat Alex cause he left it here....I wouldn't have had such an involvement in AA and I wouldn't have tons of memories of eating Pizza at his office while his secretaries took care of my sister and I...anddd I probably wouldn't have to hide as much things about my sex life, uhmm, I would probably feel less anxious.
My dad didn't show up until a bit into my life, I am glad he did though because he taught me a lot and if he wasn't there to guide me I know my mother wouldn't have been able to control me and my impulses and being who I am I know I would have ended up with much weaker values and morals and I probably would have ran with a much worse crowd if pop wasn't there to know who was going to be bad for me and such. He also taught me how to be strong and how to be decent even if his mantra was always "do as I say, do not do as I do."
A father, no more then a father, my Dad. My dad, is where I lerned most of my attitude from. While my Mom taught me manners and how to behave, my Dad taught me how to think and reason. He taught me how to be happy and how to enjoy life.
He taught me that a long walk to clear your head is far better then getting agitated. he showded me that if you dunk butter cookies in coffe they taste better. He showed me how to provide for a family, 26 years of marriage and I can't rmember a single day even after retirment that he wasn't working on something.
most importantly, he taught me that only I can make myself happy.
He taught me that a long walk to clear your head is far better then getting agitated. he showded me that if you dunk butter cookies in coffe they taste better. He showed me how to provide for a family, 26 years of marriage and I can't rmember a single day even after retirment that he wasn't working on something.
most importantly, he taught me that only I can make myself happy.
my father was shit. he failed to take care of me at all beyond putting food in my mouth and treated me badly and very occasionally treated me well to justify it all. i sacked him. and haven't seen him in years. goodbye!
My father was/is amazing. He took care of me and my little brother with little or no help from my mother most of the time. He did the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, got us dressed for school, took us to the library every other weekend, tutored us to be ahead of what we were learning in school, supported our interests and hobbies, and was the disciplinarian of the house. We always felt loved and that he was proud of us, even when we didn't deserve it. A few year ago my parents moved about 8 hrs away, so I don't see them often but I try calling once a week or so. I automatically call/email my dad and have to remind myself to call and cc my mother too so not to hurt her feelings. She is a good person and I love her, she just wasn't as involved in raising me as my dad was. I have a feeling he just really grabbed the reins when we were born and she let him because he was so good at it. I don't blame her for that at all.
**drunk psoting warning**
as far as I'm concerned, maybe I would have had the semblance of a normal life...I don't know.
My father was a messed up junky who used to beat up my mother, and when she left he turned on me.
I never understood how he could go from being the happy father who loved mje, played games with me, made up bedtime stories for me, taught me to play chess and loads more, to the man who would hit and punch my mother.
I used to wonder what it would be like groing up in a normal household.
I want him out of my life. his family keep tracking me down because he ants to see me. but I don't want any of it. I don't care if he's dying or whatever I just don't want him in my life.
as far as I'm concerned, maybe I would have had the semblance of a normal life...I don't know.
My father was a messed up junky who used to beat up my mother, and when she left he turned on me.
I never understood how he could go from being the happy father who loved mje, played games with me, made up bedtime stories for me, taught me to play chess and loads more, to the man who would hit and punch my mother.
I used to wonder what it would be like groing up in a normal household.
I want him out of my life. his family keep tracking me down because he ants to see me. but I don't want any of it. I don't care if he's dying or whatever I just don't want him in my life.
I am truly sorry you had no Father growing up. I think you may never really know what you missed, whether it would have been positive or negative. I knew a young man that had no Father help bring him up. His Mother did hair for a living and he grew up around women most all the time. He almost spoke like a woman. People made fun of him.
There are also others that would have been better off without a Father. Some Fathers abuse children. Yet other Fathers help to shape positive things in some children's lifes.
I would never place a child in a situation without a Father knowingly and on purpose, but may never make some children stay with theirs.
I had a Father and a Stepfather. I would call most of their influence on my life positive. Nobody is perfect. I am thankful for both of them.
There are also others that would have been better off without a Father. Some Fathers abuse children. Yet other Fathers help to shape positive things in some children's lifes.
I would never place a child in a situation without a Father knowingly and on purpose, but may never make some children stay with theirs.
I had a Father and a Stepfather. I would call most of their influence on my life positive. Nobody is perfect. I am thankful for both of them.
I know how lucky I was to have one, for a while I didnt, then he just showed up, he grew up without a father since his committed suicide and he used to always tell me I didnt know how lucky I was to have one and I used to resent that for a long time until I got much older and saw how so many of my friends who didnt have one turned out, which in many cases was bad.
For me, my father was my best friend... He knew absolutely everything about me, and he could read me like a book. He knew when something was bugging me, and he knew when I was really happy. We did almost everything together..
Sadly, I lost him... but, I still love him as much as I did back then, if not, more...
Sadly, I lost him... but, I still love him as much as I did back then, if not, more...
in answer to your question, I have to say it was a mixed bag. My father is a very flawed human being, but he is brilliant and he factors HUGELY into my value system. Many things I measure in worth, I use him for, I measure them against if they are going to pass muster in his eyes. Because he was so strong and so leader-esque in my life. He always had the right answer, it took me YEARS to learn that he wasnt always right, and that I miht have answers he didnt. and even today I feel guilty thinking that.
I wonder what it would be like to not have a father or at least if my parent split earlier. My dad used to be who I wanted to be like but once I realized who he really was, I hardly wanted to be associated with him.
I don't know how much different I would be than I would be now but I know for certain I would be in a different place pursuing something more artistic and creative.
I don't know how much different I would be than I would be now but I know for certain I would be in a different place pursuing something more artistic and creative.
I am extremely blessed to have the father (INTP) I have. After all the crap that my family has been involved in, my father has always been there as a father figure. My father is kindhearted, warm and intelligent, he always listens, but yet he is firm and logical with the way how he conducts things. I wish that I spent more time with my father as a child, however with a large family he spent most of his time working. My dad is like a big, ultra nerdy teddy bear.
Now to picture my life without him...
I would probably be in prison or dead.
Now to picture my life without him...
I would probably be in prison or dead.