What is it like to have a father? | INFJ Forum

What is it like to have a father?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Dec 12, 2009.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I never really had a father. Recently, I've been wondering what it would have been like. How would I have turned out differently and stuff like that. For all those people who had fathers, how would your life have been different without one?
     
  2. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    In terms of my father...I think I would have been better off with out one...I will not go any further than that...Please dont take this as being cold, or unfeeling to your situation, It is not at all my intention.
     
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  3. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    It would've been a lot more difficult. My father's the one who's always taken care of us, he's always been really concerned with making sure we have enough money and a good education and are being looked out for, if I didn't have that - didn't have his example - I'm not sure how I would've ended up. He's taught me, above all, that hard work pays off, and I'm really grateful for that.
     
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  4. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Not at all. I've had some negative father figures in my life as well. I'm just wondering if I had been raised by my actual biological father from birth, how things might have turned out differently. What does a father really contribute to their child? What does a male child lose out on when they don't have a loving, caring father figure in their life?
     
  5. OP
    Satya

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    You got your work ethic from your father? Interesting. He sounds very admirable.
     
  6. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    He was good to my brother...My brother seems to be well adjusted. They have a relationship I will never understand...I wish I could be more help. Good luck.
     
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  7. Raccoon Love

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    I really don't know what to tell you but that I agree with Entyqua, My dad pretty much ignores me or is out the whole day and when he's not doing this he's rebuking me..he says Im a lost case..just because of my personality..and has hit me before..I hope this does not sound cold..and don't worry about it...I don't think who you are inside would not have been much different and I think your a great person!
     
  8. Fizzitster

    Fizzitster Regular Poster

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    Far more stressful - while I avoid conflicts, my father is always the one who settles them. Also, my dad is both wise and knowledgeable (he's a theologian), so he's always the one who explains concepts to me that I don't understand.
     
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  9. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    My parents have been married for 30 years and it's been a happy marriage, I think. They make a good team. There's not much open affection but they do everything together. My dad's always been around but he's never been there, if that makes sense. He's very introverted, a man of few words and very distant (ISTJ, if that could explain it). He's a good man and I've definitely looked up to him when I was younger and I appreciate some sides of him but we've never had a decent conversation nor has he ever given me any emotional support or taken much interest in who I am.

    This makes it a bit difficult to imagine what it would have been like if he hadn't been around because in a way he hasn't. He's been sort of a constant in my life, he's not been taken granted but he's this stable fixture. I guess my life wouldn't have been so stable if I had grown up without him. Whether it would be better or worse now...it could be either way.
     
    #9 Isis, Dec 12, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2009
  10. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    We all have different situations in regards to our relationships with our fathers, I' sure they run the gambit. Mine was ok as a kid, and is better now as an adult. My dad owned his own business (Vending Company) so he worked 6-7 days a week, 9-12 hours a day. When he was around he was tinkering with projects a lot (he is ISTP). Suffice it to say there was not a lot of extra time to go around. We are very different in most ways too, so it was hard to connect. I had two brothers close to my age, and a wonderful, sensitive, creative, do-it-all mom who kind of took up the slack.

    My father was funny and loving much of the time, but could also be very impatient with us kids. I guess I always felt I wanted/needed more from him. That realization didn't come until I was out of the house though. He has tried to make up for it now by showing more concern and being there more for all of us boys. I understand where he came from back then and am not bitter or anything. It's hard work raising a family--something I know a little about. It has lead me to a different place in how I relate to my kids too. I want to be there more for them.

    I do wonder if I had a different type of father, if some of my passions and talents could have lead me somewhere. He didn't like me reading all the time, and did not show interest when I was writing things early on and in HS. Can't really blame him for where those lead though, just one of those--I wonders?

    Having two parents at home that you know love you makes a hug difference to a kid. Too many homes just don't have this, even if both are there. I guess my final though here is just because someone has a dad at home, doesn't always mean that it's good or helpful.
     
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    #10 Questingpoet, Dec 12, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2009
  11. TinyBubbles

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    Pretty much. He's a very hard worker, and pushed us to be the same. Thing is, he was never forceful though, it was more whatever YOU want to do, do it, but do it 100%, he'd let us make our own choices but then insisted we gave it everything we had, because he wanted us to live up to our potential. That kind of influence was really encouraging growing up.
     
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  12. Azure_Knight

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    Someone who you can share jokes with and be best friends with. A stabilizing force in your life that gives good advice and can teach you that actions can show love just as much as words can.
     
  13. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    The two father-figures in my life were a good example for me. Or maybe I chose to concentrate on their positive sides. I'm very proud with them. They were both good people, who managed to achieve a lot (at some points of their lives), without becoming inhumane. Surprisingly humble and simple-living, for the things they've done. I feel like maybe something was missing, maybe I was going to be even better with another father, for example, like May's. But I guess it could have been much worse than my case, so I'm thankful for what I got. There was tension, at times, even great fights, however that only helped me in certain aspects in the end, to feel more confident.
     
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  14. BenW

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    My dad was an aloof recovering Catholic, who effectively balanced out my fascist mother's insane Seventh Day Adventist theology.

    Neither of them were particularly good parents, but I'm fairly glad he was around.

    He was an engineer, so I also probably owe him for my spatial awareness and mechanical/theoretical aptitude.
     
    #14 BenW, Dec 12, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2009
  15. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    I used to think if my father was in the picture, I would be different. But now that Im older, i have a feeling he wouldn't have done anything for me and my mom except maybe steal our money and just disappear like always.
     
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  16. Gaze

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    My father is a good father, took care of his family, determined, and strong willed. I don't want to say anything negative, because i have too much respect for him. I'm glad i have him, but things could've been better.
     
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    #16 Gaze, Dec 12, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  17. Top cat

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    I like the interaction between my mother and father. They have different outlooks so situations often change. My mother will suggest something in a certain situation and then my dad might say something we didn't think of. Or the other way around. Things like that.
    Kind of the same idea if I were to be an only child compared with having lots of brothers and sisters. Or a large close-knit family to a family a bit more secluded to their cousins, other relatives etc.

    I guess it doesn't matter too much if the father is not there, but as long as there are many opinions and ideas and people who are close to each other. People sort of balance each other out. One is too much of one thing and it can turn into a problem, but it may lessen if they have someone close to them who has a different perspective.
     
  18. OP
    Satya

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    Sounds like a mentor.
     
  19. sookie

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    I got a restraining order against my father 10 years ago. I have mostly healed from it so it is not painful me to talk about. I want to be cautious about what I say because I understand that there are teenagers on this site who are probably reading this thread.

    NO ONE has the right to hit or humiliate you, EVER! Nothing that you ever did makes it so that you deserve to be mistreated in anyway at all. Talk to a teacher in school that you feel comfortable with. It can be so difficult to live with. I know
     
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  20. Fizzitster

    Fizzitster Regular Poster

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    What could you not say in front of teenagers? I'm curious because I had assumed that people didn't hide much from us by this age...
     
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