The Languages of Love

I feel the same as Pristine and yourself Milon, quality time can mean a bit on its own but would be better received in conjunction with another option, for me that would be physical touch, a hug, an arm around my shoulder or even something more subtle or words of affirmation.



Honestly all 5 options have a place imo including gifts that no one's picking, a simple, inexpensive gesture such as a flower picked from a garden or a secret love note or something given that shows he knows what I like mean a bit as it requires thought and as giving words of affirmation is not my strength it's one of the ways I'll express how I feel.

 

i can't touch, kiss, make-out or have sex with someone i don't care about. and then there's all that touch that isn't sexualized; my sons, for instance, though now men, still need to be hugged and kissed upon arrival and departure.

i agree, though, that quality time is something i reserve for those i love most, time being such a precious commodity and something i usually prefer to spend alone.

 

I chose acts of kindness and words of affirmation because they ARE gifts (the bestest kind) and they ARE quality time. I didn't choose physical touch because there are things and people that I love that I will never get to physically touch. Again, sometimes a hug can say soooo much.

I think love is when you just DEEPY intuitively understand another's heart.

 

I agree about the touching and sexual comment. I am unable to do any of these to a person I have no feelings about as well.

But I chose acts of kindness and words of affirmation. Althought acts of kindness should be towards everyone, regardless of the differences they may have with a person, the reality is that you show your outmost kindness to those you love the most. Thats how I feel,anyway.

As for words of affirmation, I take for granted that most (if not all) people around me are insecure. Trying to suppress the insecurities of a person you love equals trying to give them peace of mind,or at least thats how I see it.

 

Apparently my English is quite rusty. I will try and explain what I mean. By reaffirmimg to a person that you love them, or that you value them, or analyze and praise their psychology and behaviour ( provided you mean what you say), you are making them feel less insecure, and more certain of themselves and of your feelings. Long conversations can be a healing proccess in the matter of insecurity. If the person you love loves you and respects you as well, then those words trully "suppress" their insecurities.

Thats what I was trying to say. I may have misunderstood the meaning of "affirmation" youre reffering to. Again, my english is not so good.

 

I'm going to have to say ditto this!!!
Somehow like mayflow said, they all go together sort of!!! oh how I could not oversee gifts as only material matter...

 

I'm an INTJ... but...

1) Physical Touch - I'm only attracted to women, but just to give you an idea of how strongly this affects me... In college I hadn't been touched by any human in a long, long time. No hugs, no nothing. A professor was making a point after I answered his question, and he momentarily put his hand on my shoulder and it was like lightning/warmth shot through my body. It was just a brief touch, but it had a profound effect on me. I haven't been touched in a long time and I would say that it does stink...

2) Words of Affirmation - Earlier this week my temp boss, who I am wrapping up my business relationship with, sat down with me after my last work day and just told me how much she appreciated my honesty, work ethic, positive attitude, and on and on. I'm pretty hard on myself and hearing that was touching.

I don't care much for quality time, gifts, or acts of kindness. I spend as much time as possible alone, people never know what to buy me because I don't need much and don't want much, and acts of kindness are almost irrelevant because 99% of the timer I am the helpER, not the helped.

 

Btw, there's a love languages test thread for anyone interested.

 

While I guess I could theoretically touch, kiss, make out or have sex with someone I didn't love, it's very unlikely. On the other hand, when I do love someone, I crave his touch.