Online vs. Real World Friends | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Online vs. Real World Friends

I have one or two really good friends that I have met on-line...and lots of very warm acquaintances. Remember, I had 38 thousand posts over on another forum. These have been really wonderful relationships, mostly because they evolved over time...time to communicate, time to play and tease, time to cobble the details of one's life, time to share grief and joy.

I have had similar luck in real life, but only where time is part of the equation. To tell you the truth, this is partly why I go to the same little Mexican restaurant all the time. The continuity has allowed some deep, loving friendships to evolve. I have had similar luck riding the commuter rail every work day...how many people do you sit face-to-face that often with nothing to do but visit.

These real-life relationships are not "soul friendships" but they are honest and sincere, and that is enough for me.

To tell the truth, on-line friends have a better sense (over time) of who I really am than most real-life acquaintances, but only because of the written nature of the communication.
 
I don't think that online friends can ever replace friends in the real world. In my opinion, you should only speak to your friends online when you are unable to meet with them in person. If you can see them in person, you should.

As for the differences, I find online friends easier to be open with but more difficult to trust. The reason for that is because the reality is that none of us are particularly important to each other. Yes, we are important, and your online friends, as a group, might be extremely important to you, but they come and go quickly and are easily replaceable. It wouldn't make much of a difference if threads lacked my usually half thought out responses, but it would make a difference if my real life friends didn't have me there to spend time with, especially those who have more difficulty making friends.
 
aww this thread is making me cry...I really do still think that online friends are just as valuable, but that might be because I don't have any outside of here :(
 
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What I've noticed is some of my real life relationships have grown a lot closer because we started to communicate more often online (due to work schedules etc). And I believe this works vice versa

You can discover different sides of each other that you wouldn't see in real life or may take ages to see

For both real life and online,there are ways to communicate better but without using words. But it does depend on the people, if you speak the same 'language'
 
Raccoon Love said:
aww this thread is making me cry...I really do still think that online friends are just as valuable, but that might be because I don't have any outside of here :(
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aww...i really think you do have friends outside this forum/in real life...maybe you have to look closely...i feel this way too you know...lik i dont have friends in real life but when i think about it, i realize that im blessed with friends..who listen to me, who comfort me too, who show they care for me, and who dance with me hihihihi :)

i realized that sometimes, i just have to...not think so hard about things...because i will end up making things complicated and simple things bring genuine happiness most of the times

i just like to share this to you...ahahaha i dont know if ot makes sense to you hihi but there are people who care for you and love you so much (oh and im saying this even if i dont know you in real life because i believe that all people are loved...we are all meant to be loved..and God loves you so .uch too)...but their way of showing it may not be what you expect..like my parents...especially my father... he does things that are hurtful but he does small things that try to make me feel he loves me...it may not be what i wanted...but thats how he shows his love

dig deeper :) im sure you have friends ....REAL FRIENDS :)
its okay :) :) :) smile !!! :)
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I think I have one, maybe two, people online that I would actually consider 'friends' in the way I consider my friends to be 'friends' in real life. Other than that, a bunch of people that I'm enjoying to get to know (or at least getting to know the persona they pretend to be online).
 
Maetel said:
What did you mean by this? Do you mean idealize someone you've met or trying to believe in something more than what is actually being shown to you, almost in a delusional way

I usually think of fantasy friends as something to make from scratch.
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Yes, I think because there is such a little strain of information to work with in an online only situation, someone with a rich imagination could easily build up some level of fantasy that meets their need around what is presented. I do not see this as delusional in terms of pathology, though I suppose the word would fit to the degree there are erroneous beliefs about the person being engaged with.

I think this is also a risk within real life relationships. I just think that online relationships may be at higher risk.
 
Well, my truest on-line relationships originated in forums but really grew through years of email correspondence and, yes, there was one meeting...because they felt they just had to drive all the way down from Pennsylvania to see the little Mexican restaurant I eat at all the time. Illogical but, to my surprise, they had a really good time!!! Crazy.
 
For me, its about trust and safety. I have a very strong intuition and it has never let me down. When I got screwed by someone irl or online in the past, its because I let my intuition down. There have been times I've questioned it because I wanted to deny it as the truth hurt.

So yea, I define the word 'friend', as anyone I can feel a unique love and respect for that is bridged by trust. Trust is not somthing I easily feel, and I am usually more suspicious. Time cements trust, but despite this, I usually feel love and appreciation fairly quickly for everyone due to their uniquness despite any faults I might come to know.

As far as friends irl goes, I have 3 main ones. They are Grasshopper (Jenn), Garden Gnome (Sonya) and my big brother best friend Karl. Obviousely, my bf is top of the list in many ways, but I don't believe one person can fulfill all our needs, so I choose my friends as people of high quality, integrityn loving, caring and who are commited to growth, self awareness and kindness to themselves and others.

Online, I have felt a special bond with many, I absolutly love, adore and respect most but I would have to honestly say, that I am here as a friend to all if they need that of me.
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I do believe in online friendships and don't think of them as less than 'real life' friendships. There are differences of course. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages, for example, with an online friendship, you can measure the words you choose - think before you write, not so much as an act of censorship of yourself, but as a means to be your best self more of the time, so the friendship you develop is of a high quality. This isn't so easy with face-to-face interactions, as you can never edit your words, once they're said - whether that is more real is subjective, as I am affected by so many things in a face to face interaction (my mood, my friend's mood, the lighting, the weather etc) so that the quality of communication is also affected and I can be more or less like my true self. Having said that, the eye contact, touch and proximity to another person is of great comfort, and the opportunity to be of practical assistance to each other is there too. So all in all I think the pros and cons for each are pretty much balanced. In either case, it depends on the people involved and whether they are investing equally into the friendship, that will determine its success. I have both online and real life friendships that are now more than a decade old, and I don't value one above the other. They're a part of my life story now, as I am a part of theirs. They are both friends, and ultimately, I believe no further labels are neccessary.
 
Helpful Elf said:
I do believe in online friendships and don't think of them as less than 'real life' friendships. There are differences of course. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages, for example, with an online friendship, you can measure the words you choose - think before you write, not so much as an act of censorship of yourself, but as a means to be your best self more of the time, so the friendship you develop is of a high quality. This isn't so easy with face-to-face interactions, as you can never edit your words, once they're said - whether that is more real is subjective, as I am affected by so many things in a face to face interaction (my mood, my friend's mood, the lighting, the weather etc) so that the quality of communication is also affected and I can be more or less like my true self. Having said that, the eye contact, touch and proximity to another person is of great comfort, and the opportunity to be of practical assistance to each other is there too. So all in all I think the pros and cons for each are pretty much balanced. In either case, it depends on the people involved and whether they are investing equally into the friendship, that will determine its success. I have both online and real life friendships that are now more than a decade old, and I don't value one above the other. They're a part of my life story now, as I am a part of theirs. They are both friends, and ultimately, I believe no further labels are neccessary.
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You are def. one of my forum friends (family) who I wish I could know irl! :)


I am quite sure I wouldn't feel awkward giving you a hug since I'm loving all your online hugs lol
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I don't think that you can ever really know a person just by talking to them online. After a certain experience that I had, I have found it impossible to trust anyone based on my conversations with them via IM, email, etc. I've told myself never to trust someone or think that I know them based on online interactions. I have enough trouble with it in person as I've had a habit of becoming friends with people who had mild sociopathic tendencies in the past.
 
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I view my relationships with people online and off the same way; I trust none of them until I've spent a great deal getting to know them over a lengthy time period and so on.
I see neither as 'less real' then the other as either way you're still dealing with people and they don't need a screen in front of them in order to be lying to you.
I trust very few people and I am generally suspicious about all people and their motives, however I can grow close to people and most of those I am closest to happen to have been people I know through the internet.

Most of my friends these days happen to be online, this is in part due to me generally being shy and awkward in person around 'new people' and I find it easier and faster to be myself around those I know online. Also, it's in part because I have nothing in common with people around here, my area is filled with bogans. :sad:
 
I've got one close friend in real life and one who's somewhere in between a close friend and just a friendly acquaintance.

On-line it's much the same deal, but with a whole bunch of people I consider friendly acquaintances thrown into the mix as well.

I'm with a couple of the other posters on here in that I don't think of on-line friendships as being "less" then real life ones, just different. IRL you can get to know a person better than you can on-line, because you can usually get a more complete picture of them through a third party. Of course that works both ways so you have to be very open in a RL friendship, which can be hard for me to do, especially when I'm still in the early stages of getting to know someone.

On-line though, you can never be as sure that the person you're talking to is being honest with you, but that also means that you have a greater freedom to bend the truth about yourself in your favour too, so paradoxically my on-line relationships tend to be more open and easy than my real life ones.

With either on-line or real life relationships though there're two things I always try to keep in mind when it comes to what they're telling me. One is "This is what this person wants me to believe.", and the other is "This is what this person perceives to be true.", basically it just means that whatever someone tells me should be treated not in terms of true or untrue but more in terms of accurate or inaccurate. It's a subtle distinction but I find it makes a difference.
 
Entyqua, I think you wrote my post! LOL. I have 1 best friend, and a few close friends in Michigan, even though I haven't lived there in 7 years.

I consider my friends online to be real. I know that if we met each other in person it would add a new dimension to our friendship, but I still think if we're friends online we'd be able to be friends offline.

If I didn't consider many of you friends, I'd never be able to talk about myself or my feelings the way I do here. When it's a game, or role-playing, that's different - that's a fantasy, and I don't consider any of those people friends. But online friends from this forum, where people generally post honestly about themselves and their lives? I think the connections are real for me anyway.
 
I want to add that I do value online friendships and contacts!

To me it is a whole other dimension of interaction. In the real world I tend to be closed and I don't trust people with who I am inside. They know my surface and a bit of the interior. Online seems to be the other way around. I share almost nothing about my "surface" but a lot of who I am inside. Probably because it is anonymous and the consequences of not being accepted for who I am are less than in real life. That is a contradiction isn't it?
 
I think I'll comment now that I've read some of your responses. Seems to be a lot of opinions and interest here, I shouldn't be surprised. We are an online community of feelers (for the most part).

I do not have a lot of friends anymore IRL. I am so busy with work and my kids (and my various family functions), that I really don't have time to maintain a bunch of friendships. That sounds a little sad (or perhaps selfish?), but that's just the way my life is setup. I'm not the most social person anyways. Yes, I am friendly and loyal, but I don't NEED all that interaction like some do. I am more of a stayhome-body now. My (our) friends now are mainly couples friends. That is a whole different dynamic from personal friends IMO. (another thread, that one!).

As far as online friends, I echo the opinion that many have already posted. I think you can have meaningful friendships that are important online. I know I do. Perhaps it's more important for someone like me who cannot invest the time to maintain a lot of these IRL. No, they have to be of a different nature than actual face to face relationships, but they can be fufilling I believe. Yes, I will concede that they may even be harder to establish than RL friendships. In some ways they take longer, you need more time to earn trust in many cases. However, in other ways they can be quicker and easier.

As has already been said, we tend to go to sites with specific interests, INFJ forums, gaming sites, sports forums. We thus, already have some common interests with people we meet. If if is something we are passionate about, all the better. Chat sites and the video/audio capacities that almost eveyone now have, has also incresed interaction and helps build a trust quicker. Yeah, my best friends are now out here in cyberspace and on this forum. Who'da thunk it?
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