Mirror Theory: Disliking of people...

[blueflame]

It is easy and interesting to talk about being suspicious of others or disliking people in general but my problem/curiosity goes deeper and I really wanted to know if anyone else has this problem or if it is just me:

I know that as a judging type and as an INFJ we tend to operate based on a strong set of values, so it isn't suprising that someone that doesn't respect that value system may be disliked by an INFJ in general, but I am talking about strongly disliking an individual but as you find out more about them you make a chilling discovery, they are very similar to yourself in some certain way, could be speaking patterns, hobbies etc.
It doesn't mean the door for friendship has opened up because there is a real reason for not liking the person. It's just weird, I almost feel violated for some reason that they would have these similarities/traits or associate with people whom I know and like. I can give more details later.

 

[Quinlan]

Projection?

 

[IndigoSensor]

There are a handful of people that I can not / could not stand at all. I later realised it was because I saw parts of myself in them that I did not like at all. The interesting thing is once I saw that, I consciencly went out of my way to try to fix it. I also noticed a pattern I have a strong distaste for people who are alot like I used to be several years ago.

 

[blueflame]

I don't really dislike in them what I see in myself, I just see them as being unethical, selfish, dishonest, and lacking self identity. But I am offended in general that I have anything in common with them: hobbies etc. not really sharing personality traits

 

[acd]

I don't really dislike in them what I see in myself, I just see them as being unethical, selfish, dishonest, and lacking self identity. But I am offended in general that I have anything in common with them: hobbies etc. not really sharing personality traits

Sounds like you might want to work on not being so judgmental of people. Do you know everything there is to know about the people who offend you? What good does it do to walk around being offended by everyone? Why don't you get to know them and find the good things in them to encourage if their negative traits bother you so much?

As far as having anything in common with them. Of course you do! That's what being human is all about. A dose of humility should do the trick.

 

[Carol]

I don't really dislike in them what I see in myself, I just see them as being unethical, selfish, dishonest, and lacking self identity. But I am offended in general that I have anything in common with them: hobbies etc. not really sharing personality traits

TBQH, I am going to have to say I have felt this towards people throughout a majority of my life (even thus far).

Exemplarity: I sat with the same individual at a table for weeks
during lunch and I had never spoken to them because I had
perceived them as 'too conforming' and selfish - until they asked
me for my name and we started socializing. Recently, they have
told me I am one of their best friends. My reaction was mixed - I was disgusted and flattered.


I believe this has something to do with my ego or I - being too judgemental. I never outwardly display arrogance - but at times I do believe I am better than everyone else :-x ... INFJs see themselves as individualists and value individualism.

 

[Julia]

I usually like people, but then at some point a person who I thought was nice will cross a line and I can see that they have every intention of exploiting me. When someone takes my "niceness" and sees it as an opportunity to exploit me I feel threatened and a bit like an animal backed into a corner. It's when they wait until they devise that I'm generous enough to exploit and then they make their move. When they surprise me with that I tend to rehearse all the things i should have said to them (with a little extra snarkiness) when they crossed the line and feel intensely frustrated. I then withdraw and wish I didn't have to interact with any people. This happened recently.

 

[blueflame]

I usually like people, but then at some point a person who I thought was nice will cross a line and I can see that they have every intention of exploiting me. When someone takes my "niceness" and sees it as an opportunity to exploit me I feel threatened and a bit like an animal backed into a corner. It's when they wait until they devise that I'm generous enough to exploit and then they make their move. When they surprise me with that I tend to rehearse all the things i should have said to them (with a little extra snarkiness) when they crossed the line and feel intensely frustrated. I then withdraw and wish I didn't have to interact with any people. This happened recently.

That is why I don't like this particular individual, they do this to people and I witness it and therefore have no respect for them even though I have the decency not to sink to their level. By the way, great comments guys this all was helpful in understanding myself and my reaction. Especially the bit about seeing ourselves as individualist in fact I think that might be the acual issue and that fact that I don't like the person is circumstantial.