Hello, I’m glad to see that we have so many things of similar interest. To answer your last question first about the butterflies: I have a love for the color blue. It stems from a dream I had that was very profound to me and was the beginning of a metamorphosis for me.
If you are comfortable doing so, I would love it if you would share this story,.,
Which leads us to the butterfly. The rest you summed up nicely about why they are neat, which is tied to my spiritual side. Like the butterfly, we as individuals have to die to life and experience the rebirth of a new form before we can truly experience our full potential.
I remember when I was 30, and everyone in the house was asleep except me thinking in the dark. I looked at my life and it was just so good. Loving husband. Two beautiful children. Wonderful extended family and many good friends. New college degree and about to embark on a new career as a teacher.
And yet, something in my heart unexpectedly rose up. I wanted more. I don't mean more pleasures or more material things or more friends. I mean more of myself.
I began to pray. "God, I want to be yours 100%. No holding back. No compromise. And I'm willing to pay whatever the price is for all my arrogance, all my impatience, all my many flaws to be burned away". And while I don't actually hear God's voice, it did seem as though he were responding. "The price is high. It is pain that brings growth. That much growth means that much pain. Are you truly willing? What if I ask you to give up the comfort of your home? The dependability of your income? Your health? Your marriage?" It scared me.
Then despite feeling a deep trembling, I simply said, "Yes."
And this strange feeling came over me. A feeling of a great shift. Like I had just signed on the dotted line. Made a binding contract. The word I give to it now is: Covenant.
It wasn't long after that night that the fit really hit the shan. I lost everything I cared about except my children. A descent into darkness came over my life that was not going to lift for many decades. I don't know how I survived it. In fact, I almost didn't.
But now I have come out the other side. And I'm not the same. Like our friends the butterflies, I have gone through a metamorphosis. All those flaws I had? They have all been transformed into gifts with which I can reach out with love to the world.
This is the first time I have shared my butterfly vision with anyone. It comes to my mind often. I imagine that others would think it's kind of stupid and silly and dramatic. That's okay. Really.
It is something precious that I will gift only with those I know will understand.
As far as my religiosity, I was born into a Baptist family. However, my walk in this life has led me to something unnameable—not religion, but more relationship. I suppose the thing that would most closely be labeled as that is a Christian Messianic.
I would love it if you shared more what that means to you. I know what Christian means. And I know what Messianic means. But putting them together is something new, so I am not at all sure what you mean. But I sense it will be something deep.
My religious journey has been a very long one. The religious organizations and paths I have most studied have been Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Taoism, some of the old Egyptian ways, New Age thought, and science.
Oh, we are definitely going to have to make time in the future to chat about Taoism. I just love it!
And since Judaism is now my spiritual home, I'd love to know which elements spoke to your heart.
To me, science is a religion. It has a set of rules not to break and priests that have a dress code, and if you do not align with the views, then you are incommunicado. That’s pretty cool.
Meh. We have so many things in common, who cares if we disagree about this one thing. LOL
I saw that you were Jewish
Yes, I am a convert, adopted into the People of Israel. I was raises Protestant Fundamentalist, journeyed through Catholicism, and found myself in the Synagogue. Have you ever felt like there were things in your life that were just written on the wall for you from birth?
When I was six, in 1967, my family was going to have a dinner guest. You have to understand--my family NEVER had guests for dinner. My parents made our home a sanctuary where we could peacefully relax and be ourselves without fear or interference. But this was the one exception in my entire childhood.
I remember cleaning the house til it was spotless. I remember how my mother even cooked two chickens. I remember how she brought out the best dishes to use. Whoever this was, clearly it was someone special.
I don't remember his name anymore. He was a Jew from Israel. My religious education had been extensive. I knew Jews from the Bible stories. And I knew that Israel was where all the stories happened.
My 7:00 my bedtime rolled around and my mother tucked me in, kissed me goodnight, and turned off the light. But I was a curious child. Do you think for one moment I was going to remain in bed?
I snuck out and tiptoed down the hall to the slatted door. I remember so clearly standing at that door in my blue flowered pajamas, listening to the adults talk. I understood almost none of it. But I did understand just this little bit: There had been a great battle in Israel, and it was a miracle. A miracle! It was just like right out of the Bible. And God was still with the Jewish people.
And in that moment the foundation for everything I would ever think about Jews and Judaism was laid. The story of my religious journey written, waiting only to be read.
and also a seeker of light. How has your spiritual walk been?
Sometimes people tell me I float. LOL I find that so funny. But whatever it is they are trying to describe, I don't think it's me. It's Him shining through me.
I like how you described seeing everything as a net. It is very much like that for me as well.
Have you ever read any CS Lewis? He sometimes spoke of the Great Dance of the universe.
Until recently, I never understood that no one else around me thought like this. It has only been the past year that I have started accepting the fact of being so different. I see now why people thought what they did about me. Did you ever have that kind of ah-ha moment?
Nods.
You are going to like it here.
