Males: Have you friendzoned women, and if so, why?

[John K]

Question for the lads, but female members who have been friendzoned by men, please comment. Non binaries, jump in as well.

It seems like friendzoning women is a fairly rare thing for single/non-exclusive men. So when it happens, it's sort of interesting to know why... what made it so you just decided sex is off the table, even if the other is willing?

I find that terminology can sometimes be damaging to a concept and I worry about the body language of the word friendzoning. I think it’s because it is pejorative, preemptive, over simplifying. Of course the meaning is quite clear but it has blinkers on. I may of course just be showing my age here but I don’t like it much.

Why? I think it’s because it taints situations that are just fine with a little touch of subliminal censure. For example think of the relationship a manager has with his or her staff, or a teacher with their students, or a counsellor with their clients. Sexual attraction is always going to be present sometimes in these relationships. A good professional will manage things well so that this does not cross inappropriate boundaries and without alienating anyone. These are very obvious examples but I think the same thing can and does happen very easily and naturally in more casual situations - for example in a close friendship between two committed and happy couples.

Of course things can spin out of control in all of these, but far more often they don’t.

 

[Matty]

Vent?

I'm not sure you're aware of what 'appeals to me', but in any case it's not your place to ask, or to attempt to redirect my attention. If you must know, I was gearing up to make a contribution to the subject here before you threw your little tantrum.

If you want a greater amount of control over the threads you post, with the ability to prune contributors as to your taste, you can start one in the blogs section where the rules are slightly different.

Whether you make a contribution or don't is your business. I have virtually have zero curiosity what you might have to say, because the topic is just something I'll continue to ponder on my own. So, please go ahead and contribute or don't. If your actions are determined by my activities, and are entirely reactive instead of proactive, perhaps you aren't actually that interested in the topic. For all I know, half the people annoyed at the topic are what are colloquially called "incel" and bear a discomfort with friendzoning, as having been on the receiving end of it. Idk

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Whether you make a contribution or don't is your business. I have virtually have zero curiosity what you might have to say, because the topic is just something I'll continue to ponder on my own. So, please go ahead and contribute or don't. If your actions are determined by my activities, and are entirely reactive instead of proactive, perhaps you aren't actually that interested in the topic. For all I know, half the people annoyed at the topic are what are colloquially called "incel" and bear a discomfort with friendzoning, as having been on the receiving end of it. Idk

Take care.

 

[Misty]

Whether you make a contribution or don't is your business. I have virtually have zero curiosity what you might have to say, because the topic is just something I'll continue to ponder on my own. So, please go ahead and contribute or don't. If your actions are determined by my activities, and are entirely reactive instead of proactive, perhaps you aren't actually that interested in the topic. For all I know, half the people annoyed at the topic are what are colloquially called "incel" and bear a discomfort with friendzoning, as having been on the receiving end of it. Idk

Great way to glean serious responses. Call a lot of amazing human beings 'incels'...

 

[Matty]

Great way to glean serious responses. Call a lot of amazing human beings 'incels'...

It's speculation. A number of relationship posts I've read here are about having been rejected. THAT can't make the whole topic comfortable for some people here.

 

[Misty]

It's speculation. A number of relationship posts I've read here are about having been rejected. THAT can't make the whole topic comfortable for some people here.

Some of us have known one another for quite some time. There is a sense of comraderie woven into the tapestry of this place where you post. INFJ's have wickedly morbid senses of humor. We can shift from empathetic & seriously engaged to absolute shenanigans in a second and feed off one another's humor when we smell arrogance or are clearly being insulted. Just because you're an INTJ don't assume your intellect is superior to ours or that our jokes denote butthurt or some hidden emotional turmoil over the subject at hand. Often we joke with newer members in an effort to get to know them better. People ebb and flow around here. We aren't one dimensional robots.

 

[Matty]

Some of us have known one another for quite some time. There is a sense of comraderie woven into the tapestry of this place where you post. INFJ's have wickedly morbid senses of humor. We can shift from empathetic & seriously engaged to absolute shenanigans in a second and feed off one another's humor when we smell arrogance or are clearly being insulted. Just because you're an INTJ don't assume your intellect is superior to ours or that our jokes denote butthurt or some hidden emotional turmoil over the subject at hand. Often we joke with newer members in an effort to get to know them better. People ebb and flow around here. We aren't one dimensional robots.

I only assume my intellect is more focused, disciplined, and objective because I'm INTJ. I assume my intellect is better than at least 98% of people's because my IQ was tested and my score was given as a percentile.

As for your assertion that this site is an in group coterie which can quickly turn into a "feed off each other" circlejerk, I think that's an unfair critique of the members here. From what I've seen, only half a dozen seem to be cliquish and unwelcoming. The rest of the people here are quite lovely.

 

[Misty]

I only assume my intellect is more focused, disciplined, and objective because I'm INTJ. I assume my intellect is better than at least 98% of people's because my IQ was tested and my score was given as a percentile.

As for your assertion that this site is an in group coterie which can quickly turn into a "feed off each other" circlejerk, I think that's an unfair critique of the members here. From what I've seen, only half a dozen seem to be cliquish and unwelcoming. The rest of the people here are quite lovely.

If you paid any attention with your enormous intellect, I added that aside from said loyalty ( not cliques ) is a sense of drawing people out via humor as well in an effort to better get to know them..

But here's some serious advice regarding the friend zone topic. Personally, I'd friendzone you for sure because you're an arrogant snob who thinks he's smarter than 98% of humanity. Hope that helps you in your future endeavours!

 

[Matty]

If you paid any attention with your enormous intellect, I added that aside from said loyalty ( not cliques ) is a sense of drawing people out via humor as well in an effort to better get to know them..

But here's some serious advice regarding the friend zone topic. Personally, I'd friendzone you for sure because you're an arrogant snob who thinks he's smarter than 98% of humanity. Hope that helps you in your future endeavours!

If you used your magical intuition, you'd have detected pages ago that your humour, which you think is amusing or facilitates the discussion of serious topics, just derails the topic, and irritates the few who are actually on this thread for the topic.

You'd friendzone me? I wouldn't even friendzone you, because there's nothing appealing personality wise. Simple doorslam.

 

[Misty]

If you used your magical intuition, you'd have detected pages ago that your humour, which you think is amusing or facilitates the discussion of serious topics, just derails the topic, and irritates the few who are actually on this thread for the topic.

You'd friendzone me? I wouldn't even friendzone you, because there's nothing appealing personality wise. Simple doorslam.

Yawn.

 

[Matty]

Yawn.

Go back to sleep

 

[Misty]

Go back to sleep

You're textbook immature INTJ. I'm not sleeping, I'm simply bored beyond responding to this babble any longer. Have a great day.

 

[John K]

@Sometimes Yeah I’m a bit hesitant at getting involved in the middle of a heated dispute, but I’ll try. This site is blessed with people from several complementary types who all make it rather special. We value our intjs enormously along with our Intps, infps and of course infjs. It’s the variety of temperament that’s so refreshing, as long as we tolerate each other’s eccentricity. You are a relative newcomer, and of course it takes a while to really get to know the folks here, to understand them and see their value. I think it would pay you well if you backed off the censure a bit and got to know the folks before forming your judgements. I’m really quite interested in the discussions you have initiated and it would be a shame if they were lost in disputes. I can understand your irritation over the ‘irreverent’ interjections - but if you can just hold back on rushing to judgement you will find that the folks are deep, complex and subtle as well as iconoclastic.

Of course there are people who have been here a long time. Many of the folks here carry big life problems and have helped each other to survive in a difficult world. They watch each other’s backs and long may it be so - it’s one of the things that makes the forum great. They tend to jump to defend each other very quickly.

The humour is hardly ever de-railing unless it’s pricking unwarranted pomposity or a defence of narcissism etc. Often with hindsight I see it adds to the discussion and at the very least it adds a bounce to the rhythm of a thread. You will often find too that the people who poke a bit of fun can follow up with some pretty profound contributions.

Please do be tolerant of our weirdnesses and eccentricity- it really is worth it.

 

[Matty]

You're textbook immature INTJ. I'm not sleeping, I'm simply bored beyond responding to this babble any longer. Have a great day.

And yet you're responding. Don't let me keep you from your dopey-do pictures and emoji laden blogs.

 

[Lady Jolanda]

Yawn.

Go back to sleep

 

[Matty]

@Sometimes Yeah I’m a bit hesitant at getting involved in the middle of a heated dispute, but I’ll try. This site is blessed with people from several complementary types who all make it rather special. We value our intjs enormously along with our Intps, infps and of course infjs. It’s the variety of temperament that’s so refreshing, as long as we tolerate each other’s eccentricity. You are a relative newcomer, and of course it takes a while to really get to know the folks here, to understand them and see their value. I think it would pay you well if you backed off the censure a bit and got to know the folks before forming your judgements. I’m really quite interested in the discussions you have initiated and it would be a shame if they were lost in disputes. I can understand your irritation over the ‘irreverent’ interjections - but if you can just hold back on rushing to judgement you will find that the folks are deep, complex and subtle as well as iconoclastic.

Of course there are people who have been here a long time. Many if the folks here carry big life problems and have helped each other to survive in a difficult world. They watch each other’s backs and long may it be so - it’s one of the things that makes the forum great. They tend to jump to defend each other very quickly.

The humour is hardly ever de-railing unless it’s pricking unwarranted pomposity or a defence of narcissism etc. Often with hindsight I see it adds to the discussion and at the very least it adds a bounce to the rhythm of a thread. You will often find too that the people who poke a bit of fun can follow up with some pretty profound contributions.

Please do be tolerant of our weirdnesses and eccentricity- it really is worth it.

I'll try.

 

[Misty]

And yet you're responding. Don't let me keep you from your dopey-do pictures and emoji laden blogs.

My photography has won awards and been supported by Lens Culture. I doubt an emotionally devoid robot like you would understand art, much less the human emotions which birth emojis lol.

 

[Matty]

My photography has won awards and been supported by Lens Culture. I doubt an emotionally devoid robot like you would understand art, much less the human emotions which birth emojis lol.

Art is ok, but always far inferior to nature. Plus there's nothing laughably pretentious or cringey about a mountain sunset
.Worth millions


. Priceless

 

[Misty]

Art is ok, but always far inferior to nature. Plus there's nothing laughably pretentious or cringey about a mountain sunset
View attachment 72167 .Worth millions

View attachment 72168
. Priceless

The only thing pretentious and cringey in here is you, atm.

 

[acd]

Did any of this jog your memory @Sometimes Yeah ?
Who were you in your past incarnation here?