overload! too many questions! lol
i judge people a lot! i judge people all differently! i become enraged towards certain classes of abusers, and in the past i have felt compelled to tell them directly that i hate them and don't want them in my life, but these days i just try and get to know people very slowly so i can keep them at a distance if they don't fit with me. the fighting is too stressful, i ruminate and it takes over my life with anxiety and regret and anger. i respect the differences of others, and the right of others to be different from me, and try and get along with them as well as i can. it's important to me to get along with others so i keep them at whatever distance i need to in order to get along with them as well as i can. i also find it difficult to get along with people because i judge them, and i find it difficult to get along with myself for judging others and on the basis of judgments i make of myself, so i just try and accept that people are all flawed, and appreciate those of us who are doing our best. i also try as hard as i can, when i am judging other people on the basis of their actions, to find other reasons for why they might have done whatever they did that upset me, than the reason i thought of that i felt angry about.
i don't think judgment can be anything but value based, as distinct from an observation, which is not based on an ethical value. i do think about my values a lot, and revise them a lot. they are strong and refined, but they aren't set in stone, i'm always questioning them, so i take that into account when applying them to the actions of other people.
i'm not kind when i judge. i don't think i am kind. i think my judgments aim to be fair and i think i am understanding and accepting of the circumstances of people when i am judging them. but i'm not sure i would think of that as kind. if i think someone is being irresponsible or taking advantage of others, i usually find some subtle way to let them know what i think. i don't force my opinions on them though. but i do put distance between us if i find that the person is not willing to engage with my feedback.