INFJ criticism and expression of
- Thread starter Soulful
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I tend to be critical of others, for some reason I set high standards that I can't even reach, and if they can't come close to me, well then..... I just let them have it. Of course my ex-wife got fed up with me treating her like she was an immature infant. (I still think she is)
- Nov 12, 2008
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- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 1w2 sx/so/sp
I am not gonna sugar coat it; I am an extremely judgemental person. My Ni just needs to fill in the holes, and will do it no matter what. I am a judger for a reason. However, I rarely tell people my judgement calls unless it is pertinant, or they openly ask me, even then I am careful of what I say.
I want to make this clear though, just because I am judgemental doesn't mean that the things I think are final; they are always up for edit. The holes are filled, but it takes a long time for it to set in the mold. Also, this doesn't make me mean either, most people say I am rather nice.
I want to make this clear though, just because I am judgemental doesn't mean that the things I think are final; they are always up for edit. The holes are filled, but it takes a long time for it to set in the mold. Also, this doesn't make me mean either, most people say I am rather nice.
I view people from multiple vantage points simultaneously. If I have one view that defeats trust, there is another simultaneous view that is neutral, or one that is sympathetic. It is difficult for me to make a conclusive statement or opinion about the way I perceive anyone. Usually the information about a person is conflicting or vague enough to imply many things. When interacting I must choose the most likely model for that person in my mind.
The closest thing I can compare it to is working on a puzzle. I might have several pieces together in one corner that leads me to believe it is a picture of a planet. At the same time the cluster of pieces in the middle look like a wooden object, and the bottom border is blue which could be water or sky.
I can also compare my judgment of others to watching a river. The river has a bank even though it is forever eroding and rebuilding. There are certain currents that recreate themselves, but these also evolve over time. While I can view something of a framework, in the end the river will at times bring colorful Fall leaves, at other times a lost toy boat, and other unexpected objects.
The closest thing I can compare it to is working on a puzzle. I might have several pieces together in one corner that leads me to believe it is a picture of a planet. At the same time the cluster of pieces in the middle look like a wooden object, and the bottom border is blue which could be water or sky.
I can also compare my judgment of others to watching a river. The river has a bank even though it is forever eroding and rebuilding. There are certain currents that recreate themselves, but these also evolve over time. While I can view something of a framework, in the end the river will at times bring colorful Fall leaves, at other times a lost toy boat, and other unexpected objects.
Maybe this is a different question entirely. Let's say you judge someone, and I'm referring to making a negative judgment about them, so there is something about them you don't like - Do you still like them? Do you feel superior to them? Could you honestly still develop a friendship between you? Are you tolerant or intolerant of them? Do you feel guilty for judging them?
Is your judgment more of an observation or do you assign value meaning to it? Does your judgment meld into disapproval of them? Or do you judge, but judge kindly?
Is your judgment more of an observation or do you assign value meaning to it? Does your judgment meld into disapproval of them? Or do you judge, but judge kindly?
If it is somebody I like, I still like them, but do feel superior. I am tolerant of them, but intolerant of the negative I found.
Yeah I'm a bit of a bastard really. S'why I sugar coat things. Most people like sugar. They prefer it to what I'm actually thinking anyways 
Thing is, I like sugar too. I'd also prefer it to be what I'm actually thinking. I therefore try to make the sugar coating a reality in itself, in the hope that the poisoned almond within will vanish some day.
Thing is, I like sugar too. I'd also prefer it to be what I'm actually thinking. I therefore try to make the sugar coating a reality in itself, in the hope that the poisoned almond within will vanish some day.
If there is just one thing that I don't like. I try looking around that thing to all the things that are good about the person.
I always have high expectations of people, and when they fail to reach those expectations I get disappointed. I think I could still be friends with them, but not as good and fully.
People are not perfect, so I try not to judge them for their "imperfection".
I certainly wouldn't treat the person differently.
I don't think I'm superior to them, because I often don't know their entire story.
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overload! too many questions! lol
i judge people a lot! i judge people all differently! i become enraged towards certain classes of abusers, and in the past i have felt compelled to tell them directly that i hate them and don't want them in my life, but these days i just try and get to know people very slowly so i can keep them at a distance if they don't fit with me. the fighting is too stressful, i ruminate and it takes over my life with anxiety and regret and anger. i respect the differences of others, and the right of others to be different from me, and try and get along with them as well as i can. it's important to me to get along with others so i keep them at whatever distance i need to in order to get along with them as well as i can. i also find it difficult to get along with people because i judge them, and i find it difficult to get along with myself for judging others and on the basis of judgments i make of myself, so i just try and accept that people are all flawed, and appreciate those of us who are doing our best. i also try as hard as i can, when i am judging other people on the basis of their actions, to find other reasons for why they might have done whatever they did that upset me, than the reason i thought of that i felt angry about.
i don't think judgment can be anything but value based, as distinct from an observation, which is not based on an ethical value. i do think about my values a lot, and revise them a lot. they are strong and refined, but they aren't set in stone, i'm always questioning them, so i take that into account when applying them to the actions of other people.
i'm not kind when i judge. i don't think i am kind. i think my judgments aim to be fair and i think i am understanding and accepting of the circumstances of people when i am judging them. but i'm not sure i would think of that as kind. if i think someone is being irresponsible or taking advantage of others, i usually find some subtle way to let them know what i think. i don't force my opinions on them though. but i do put distance between us if i find that the person is not willing to engage with my feedback.
i judge people a lot! i judge people all differently! i become enraged towards certain classes of abusers, and in the past i have felt compelled to tell them directly that i hate them and don't want them in my life, but these days i just try and get to know people very slowly so i can keep them at a distance if they don't fit with me. the fighting is too stressful, i ruminate and it takes over my life with anxiety and regret and anger. i respect the differences of others, and the right of others to be different from me, and try and get along with them as well as i can. it's important to me to get along with others so i keep them at whatever distance i need to in order to get along with them as well as i can. i also find it difficult to get along with people because i judge them, and i find it difficult to get along with myself for judging others and on the basis of judgments i make of myself, so i just try and accept that people are all flawed, and appreciate those of us who are doing our best. i also try as hard as i can, when i am judging other people on the basis of their actions, to find other reasons for why they might have done whatever they did that upset me, than the reason i thought of that i felt angry about.
i don't think judgment can be anything but value based, as distinct from an observation, which is not based on an ethical value. i do think about my values a lot, and revise them a lot. they are strong and refined, but they aren't set in stone, i'm always questioning them, so i take that into account when applying them to the actions of other people.
i'm not kind when i judge. i don't think i am kind. i think my judgments aim to be fair and i think i am understanding and accepting of the circumstances of people when i am judging them. but i'm not sure i would think of that as kind. if i think someone is being irresponsible or taking advantage of others, i usually find some subtle way to let them know what i think. i don't force my opinions on them though. but i do put distance between us if i find that the person is not willing to engage with my feedback.
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I have had people actually tell me they think I have judged them or that they know I don't think well of them, and it never happened in my mind. It has really bothered me that this happens. I have a sense that I think about and relate to people differently than most and it causes miscommunication. This bothers me a great deal and I correct it when I can. I do know that I introvert when something confusing happens. I don't say anything and look analytical, or become distant. People take that as judgment, but it is analysis. There is a pretty huge difference.
Certitude has appeared to me to be one of the most destructive forces within and between people. I realize it is highly valued in society, but point to any act of cruelty or destruction and measure the level of certitude required to produce it. The relationship between information and certitude should be parallel and not inverse. I found quite often in people the less information the more certitude.
I've also been on the receiving end of inaccurate judgments and it is unfun. Many of these people described themselves as having intuition. Because of this I made a vow to myself to always withhold at least some degree of judgment and to always stay open to new information about the person without twisting it to fit my preconceived model. Be willing to start from scratch when the new information doesn't fit the model, and be willing to work on more than one model at a time until there is one that can integrate all the complex and conflicting information. It is really hard work even when combined with intuition, but not a bad approach when accuracy is the ideal.
Certitude has appeared to me to be one of the most destructive forces within and between people. I realize it is highly valued in society, but point to any act of cruelty or destruction and measure the level of certitude required to produce it. The relationship between information and certitude should be parallel and not inverse. I found quite often in people the less information the more certitude.
I've also been on the receiving end of inaccurate judgments and it is unfun. Many of these people described themselves as having intuition. Because of this I made a vow to myself to always withhold at least some degree of judgment and to always stay open to new information about the person without twisting it to fit my preconceived model. Be willing to start from scratch when the new information doesn't fit the model, and be willing to work on more than one model at a time until there is one that can integrate all the complex and conflicting information. It is really hard work even when combined with intuition, but not a bad approach when accuracy is the ideal.
I hate sugarcoating! My mom cannot stand this because I won't conform to society's expectations of sugary people, but I will not do it.
Not unless I'm really not in the mood for conflict. I won't say it rudely, but I'll just be truthful about it. Also, I exercise good timing and tact.
Yes, I have been told by my friends I am critical of others. I know I am. I'm very very critical of myself, too. I have the most outrageous expectations.
However, I'm capable of looking at things from multiple angles, so I'm not terrible.
Not unless I'm really not in the mood for conflict. I won't say it rudely, but I'll just be truthful about it. Also, I exercise good timing and tact.
Yes, I have been told by my friends I am critical of others. I know I am. I'm very very critical of myself, too. I have the most outrageous expectations.
However, I'm capable of looking at things from multiple angles, so I'm not terrible.
i judge everbody.. i judge myself.. i judge people i don't like (based on whatever i don't like about them), i judge the innocent people, i judge faces of people, i judge their attitudes, i judge their way of talking, i judge their height,i just physical appearance and attitudes....EVERYDAY....... i judge myself every single second of my life....... but i'm really really judgemental...... like 100%.
yeah, and when my friends ask me if they're bossy, fat, too thin, too kind, too selfish or whatever,...... i tell them what i think they are... i'm frank and judgemental..... especially if i don't like the person...... i'll tell her what i think she is without her asking me
yeah, and when my friends ask me if they're bossy, fat, too thin, too kind, too selfish or whatever,...... i tell them what i think they are... i'm frank and judgemental..... especially if i don't like the person...... i'll tell her what i think she is without her asking me
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When I was a child, I hardly judged people at all and mostly felt inferior. I felt like everyone else was super nice, super good, super smart and super everything. This went on for most of my youth, until some years ago (because of my depression, I suppose) I started feeling irritated with people all the time. I felt like most people didn't understand anything, people were extremely stupid, irritating, selfish etc. I really disliked my new judgmentalism. I'm still struggling with it although it's not so strong anymore.
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I sometimes think of myself as a wonderful critic. For several things I can tell someone how to do it, and how they can improve, but then I can't do it nearly as well myself (I don't have enough drive to practice...). so I find myself critiquing people all the time. My goal is to help them better whatever they're doing, but I guess sometimes it comes across as annoying and condescending. I swear! I'm just trying to help! 
I'm usually pretty accepting of people. When I find quirks about people I don't particularly enjoy I usually try and analyze to figure out why they do what ever it is that they do or act what ever why it is they act. I on occasion label people in my mind as total douche bags but even then I'd never tell the person. And for some reason the people I think are douches seem to enjoy my company and seek me out.