I didn't think it would hurt like this still. | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

I didn't think it would hurt like this still.

The friend zone!!! Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel your pain!! I used to hear that all the time!! Just give it time! It will all change!
 
efromm said:
The friend zone!!! Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel your pain!! I used to hear that all the time!! Just give it time! It will all change!
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LOL Thanks. And the LJBF speech (lets just be friends).

Then I still have to wonder why they expect you to do boyfriend like things like hang out with them and talk to them about the "feelie" stuff and all that, but of course, you're "just friends".

Worse yet, they expect you to PRETEND YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM, just so you can still be friends. :m142:
 
Hey darkstar again!

Well---severing the emotions is always difficult. I think especially because INFJs tend to save their emotions for just the right person. At least for me, I can rarely say I really like someone. It takes a lot of time and oddly, for some long time, i'd been waiting to like someone since my "first."

I did end up liking someone, but I realized it couldn't be. He was a friend and though I can blame myself to some extent, I mostly don't. Weird mixed signals were involved and hey, I just really really liked him as a person in the first place. That's how it always starts for me.

So, right now, i'm also in a state where i'm trying to rub off these feelings. I tried denying them for a long time, but came to accept them. But I guess i'm different from you in that you "already let her in" so it's a lot harder to let her out. In my case, I knew I could totally let him in, but didn't let myself.

Anyway, it's difficult to forget and move on. But I think it's true when people say time heals. Think and reflect about it, don't cover it up and avoid thinking about it. Give it a good long thought and come to peace with yourself one way or another. I have faith that there is someone just as special and captivating out there---I do. I hope you do to!
 
You don't need to listen to that! I hated having to listen to how much of a jerk so and so is but yet she still dates him. Man that brings back forgotten teenage memories. Hang in there it will pass!! I had a girl I liked and was friends with and she had sex with one of my other buddies. After that I quit talking to her lol
.
 
darkstar said:
LOL Thanks. And the LJBF speech (lets just be friends).

Then I still have to wonder why they expect you to do boyfriend like things like hang out with them and talk to them about the "feelie" stuff and all that, but of course, you're "just friends".

Worse yet, they expect you to PRETEND YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM, just so you can still be friends. :m142:
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Hmmm---now in response to this...
:) Well, I think I can quite frankly say the same about guys now! It bothers me when guys send out weird mixed signals to friends who are girls. I thought this was weird until I found out this has happened to many girls.

All my good guy friends and all guys I meet, I don't have any "designs" on. I merely treat them like all my other friends regardless of gender. So i quite naturally talk about deep stuff too. That might mean talking about things that are really personal, if I really trust him. He'll just be a good friend to me, nothing else. UNTIL he makes weird moves. :)
 
Ya it took me awhile to acquire that skill. I got it down pretty good now. I always used to worry about how they would feel about how I felt. I figured I had to be honest about how I felt. Even if she did not feel the same way I decided that no matter what I was gonna like her so I just had to go cold turkey. Sure I was sad. I was sadder seeing her being with ass holes who did not appreciate her. I had to save myself. Looking back today she was a train wreck. And I am so glad I never got involved with her! Getting older changes how you feel about life. So from my perspective it seems very simple. I know from your perspective it seems like hell. Trust me it can be so much worse! Look at it this way. You had her you held her you loved her when you had her. If she ran away let her run there's nothing you can do any-ways. It's just a small phase in your life. LOL I know how much it hurts and looking back at myself I realize how hard I was on myself and it really was not deserved. Some times people can't be honest with you about why they want to break up. I don't know what it is I want to know the truth because I figure we can work it out. For some they just can't tell ya why so they throw the whole friend thing at ya. It's no big deal let it roll off your back!
 
Also I think looking back on it it was unfair of me to like her when she only wanted me for a friend. Another reason I bailed.
 
Thanks for the perspective. Hopefully I will develop as emotionally stable as you seem to have. Oh well, time to muddle though with my "young" perspective (you said it best, hell, I actually called the friendzone the 10th layer of hell).

Makes me have to trust in "destiny" though, and I more than anyone hates the expression "Everything happens for a reason".

Heh, tell that to the kids getting raped and killed!
 
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I understand your argument and I can tell you that in time things do kinda work out. For example these guys that used to fuck with me in high school ended up dead because of stupid things they did to themselves. One died on a motorcycle, and the other one crashed his car when he was drunk driving. Did they deserve it? I have my own opinion. Did it make me think? Hell yes. And I see a lot of other patterns in my life that show me that what comes around goes around. Thats why I try to be nice within reason.
 
efromm said:
Also I think looking back on it it was unfair of me to like her when she only wanted me for a friend. Another reason I bailed.
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That kinda gives the perception that you were only there for the chance to get with a girl....leads to that whole assumption that guys only show interest in a girl when they think there's a chance to get in her pants


;)
 
Not always I have plenty of girls I am friends with. I spent a lot of time with her. She was my right hand for a year. And she gave me signals and then would give me the stop sign. I remember she got real mad when I got a girlfriend though. That was when I was 20 17 years ago.. Man time flies lol
 
Ahhh...the wishy washy type. I hate that shit.

Just be straight with it already. You are either interested or not....

Good thing it was so long ago or I'd say a lot more!
 
alcyone said:
That kinda gives the perception that you were only there for the chance to get with a girl....leads to that whole assumption that guys only show interest in a girl when they think there's a chance to get in her pants


;)
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Well, no. What is so bad about a guy wanting a relationship? Is there something inherently wrong with that? Not every guy's endgame is sex. The very definition of "interest in a girl" is well, interest. Romantic interest. Otherwise your female friends are just female friends. If there truly is no attraction on both parties then it makes life easy.

SHEESH! Is being attracted to someone and wanting a relationship with them a crime?
 
Yes.

okay that was sarcasm.

But dropping a girl just cause she only wants to be friends doesn't leave a good impression.

Basically says that she isn't worth your time if theres no chance to sleep with her. And from her persective, if you're not interested in being friends, you weren't going to be a good in a relationship either.

After all, who wants to be in a relationship with a person who isn't also a good friend?
 
alcyone said:
Yes.

okay that was sarcasm.

But dropping a girl just cause she only wants to be friends doesn't leave a good impression.

Basically says that she isn't worth your time if theres no chance to sleep with her. And from her persective, if you're not interested in being friends, you weren't going to be a good in a relationship either.

After all, who wants to be in a relationship with a person who isn't also a good friend?
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But then again, she isn't being a good friend by using me like that. Is it not hard for women to be friends with guys that they are attracted to but the guys are not (and have girlfriends).

If anything I break things off as a courtesy to the guy. I'd sure as hell hate to have guys all over my girl... Ooh, I just realized that I was in denial about not being a jealous person! Thanks, that opened up windows...
 
Ok it seems I need to clarify the final reason I left. She was into meth. Real bad. I could only over look so much before it was hazardous for me to be around her. She ended up getting arrested and went into treatment. We hung out after she got out. The friendship was gone... That was the final straw for me plus she was making drug deals and I was unaware of what was going on. Messed up now that I look back on it. More things keep coming up. No wonder I try to forget lol..
 
Well, can't say I've ever been in love (or attracted) with someone who just wanted to be friends.
So I am unqualified to sympathize with you.

However, I have indeed done the just friends thing. Sometimes a womans interest in a person gets mistaken for interest in a relationship other than friendship with a person.
 
alcyone said:
Well, can't say I've ever been in love (or attracted) with someone who just wanted to be friends.
So I am unqualified to sympathize with you.

However, I have indeed done the just friends thing. Sometimes a womans interest in a person gets mistaken for interest in a relationship other than friendship with a person.
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Then maybe you can answer one burning question....

How in the world does a guy tell the difference?
 
Thats damn near impossible because that sort of social graces, and courting just isn't modelled any more. Not on TV, not by parents. Not anywhere that kids can learn it.

It sucks. But what can you do except muddle along and keep on keepin on!
 
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