I grew up in the Church, but I was always compromising between my Christian beliefs and what I wanted to do. My faith, though somewhat real, was incredibly shallow.
I then, because of my schizoaffective disorder, started to become paranoid. Somewhere along the line, I concluded that if I did not say I was a Christian, I would be persecuted for my faith. I then became an atheist. My mind has always been preoccupied with the worst-case scenario. This continues today.
But I read Psychological Types, and that turned me into a pantheist because I saw the mind's complexity, and it utterly turned me away from naturalism.
Then, I had an encounter with a prophet who changed my life forever. Much of the experience was supernatural. At one point, he asked, "If you call yourself a Christian, you could be persecuted for your faith. Is it worth it?" I had never told anyone about why I was an atheist based on fear of persecution. In fact, I had to put much of my rationalization together after this event. But at that moment, like a super strong ego death, like dying to myself, like the most humbling experience of my life, based on everything he said to me up until that point, I said, "Yes, it's worth it." I faced my greatest fear, and I overcame it.
My faith has been what it is since that time. No more compromise. No more putting my desires for the flesh above Christ. I still sin, obviously, and I still have some vices, but my heart is sold out to Christ. Never been the same since.
