I didn't think it would hurt like this still.

[Grey Wolf]

Then maybe you can answer one burning question....

How in the world does a guy tell the difference?

HAHAHA
THATS THE 1 MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!
I wanna know the answer too.

LOL Thanks. And the LJBF speech (lets just be friends).

Then I still have to wonder why they expect you to do boyfriend like things like hang out with them and talk to them about the "feelie" stuff and all that, but of course, you're "just friends".

Worse yet, they expect you to PRETEND YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM, just so you can still be friends.

I got that too. hate it and find it very annoying. how the feth are we supposed to continue a friendship when one moment they say that and the next moment the person does something for you that they usually wont do for others and then says oh, it just 'cos we're friends and I do it for all my friends. It annoying to say the least and unfair for the guy.

phew. enough ranting.

 

[darkstar]

HAHAHA
THATS THE 1 MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!
I wanna know the answer too.


I got that too. hate it and find it very annoying. how the feth are we supposed to continue a friendship when one moment they say that and the next moment the person does something for you that they usually wont do for others and then says oh, it just 'cos we're friends and I do it for all my friends. It annoying to say the least and unfair for the guy.

phew. enough ranting.

Claps Thanks, I feel validated now, like I'm not the only one here experiencing this like I'm some sort of freak.

 

[Silently Honest]

It's not your fault, odds are it has nothing to do with you.

 

[Grey Wolf]

Claps Thanks, I feel validated now, like I'm not the only one here experiencing this like I'm some sort of freak.

now I also feel validated and not alone HAHAHA
would be nice to see what the girls here say haha

 

[darkstar]

now I also feel validated and not alone HAHAHA
would be ncie to see what the girls here say haha

Indeed, and the million dollar question should be answered too. It is THE #1 MOST DODGED question ever.

The #1 Bs answer: "Everyone is different, you just have to wing it"



Um.... INTROVERTED INTIUITIVE!!!!!!!!

I can only wing it with myself...

Damn, that sounded dirty...

 

[Silently Honest]

now I also feel validated and not alone HAHAHA
would be nice to see what the girls here say haha

Dude, lrn2lol.

 

[darkstar]

Dude, lrn2lol.

lol.

 

[KingOfSpades]

Thats damn near impossible because that sort of social graces, and courting just isn't modelled any more. Not on TV, not by parents. Not anywhere that kids can learn it.

I think the death of courting and the rise of the hook-up culture has left most young people feeling very alienated and lonely...although i don't think courting is coming back anytime soon. sorry to intrude on the thread, just thought this was an interesting observation.

 

[Lurker]

HAHAHA
THATS THE 1 MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!
I wanna know the answer too.

It's a million dollar question because there is no answer, women are not all the same. Some will put you in a category of friend never to be moved, others won't, some will make their intentions clear, others won't.

I got that too. hate it and find it very annoying. how the feth are we supposed to continue a friendship when one moment they say that and the next moment the person does something for you that they usually wont do for others and then says oh, it just 'cos we're friends and I do it for all my friends. It annoying to say the least and unfair for the guy.

Then end the friendship. If she has been clear about her feelings than it's unfair for a women who isn't interested in a guy to continually be reminded they feel differently. There's usually two perspectives about fairness.

now I also feel validated and not alone HAHAHA would be nice to see what the girls here say haha

I'll validate in the sense that yes it happens and yes there are some women out there who probably enjoy this, just as there are some guys out there who cannot respect boundaries. Beyond that I'd say rather than considering it unfair do something about it.

Indeed, and the million dollar question should be answered too. It is THE #1 MOST DODGED question ever.

Seems you just don’t like the only answer (or lack of answer) that is correct.

The #1 Bs answer: "Everyone is different, you just have to wing it"



Um.... INTROVERTED INTIUITIVE!!!!!!!!

I can only wing it with myself...

Damn, that sounded dirty...

Your inability to wing it does not make the answer BS. Do you seriously expect to be able to find one rule that defines all women? There isn’t a rule with men why would there be one with women.

 

[darkstar]

Yeah, good point, it feels like dodging the question.

Kind of if I asked "How do I get a job" and you said, well, every job is different so you just have to wing it. No, you'd start talking about resumes and job interviews, the kinds of things that are similar in just about every job.

 

[in_wonderment]

I think the death of courting and the rise of the hook-up culture has left most young people feeling very alienated and lonely...although i don't think courting is coming back anytime soon. sorry to intrude on the thread, just thought this was an interesting observation.

as a woman in my 20's... who knows she shouldn't hook up with random people... the lack of dating is just ridiculous.

so either im in a committed relationship or single for long periods of time.

and im single currently, because i don't feeling like sleeping with every person that offers. and it takes a long time to love and open up to someone.

i don't know, i just don't like the way society has embraced the hook-up culture. it's not good for people in the long term at all.

 

[Lucifer]

Indeed, and the million dollar question should be answered too. It is THE #1 MOST DODGED question ever.

The #1 Bs answer: "Everyone is different, you just have to wing it"



Um.... INTROVERTED INTIUITIVE!!!!!!!!

I can only wing it with myself...

Damn, that sounded dirty...

Yeah your right it is dodging the question, here let me outline women for you.

1) After 100,000 miles change our oil.
Other wise we feel neglected and think you've been seeing someone else.
2) Rotate tires often.
Otherwise we'll think those pants do make our butt look big.
3) Make sure we have a full tank of gas.
You know when we suddenly quit by the side of the road it isn't cause their is something wrong with us, it's called gas doofus!
4) Buy insurance
This is an important one because this is the one that will keep you from the dreaded friends zone.
5) Change spark plugs.
Otherwise we will have an affair with the pool boy.
6) Service us often.
And don't just pop the hood and take a glance, we know you watch football on Sunday we don't care we still want your full undivided attention. Otherwise we'll just stop running the way we used to.

And that is just for starters, but I really wasn't supposed to say anything. You see every women takes a blood oath of secrecy when they are born.

Sorry Ladies!

 

[darkstar]

WTF? I thought that was going to be a meaningful post about making women feel taken care of *sigh...

Like how taking out the trash is supposed to be a sign of love to a women because it makes her workload easier (Dr. Phil or some such).

 

[Lucifer]

I Sorry I am also feeling rejected lately so I know how you feel.

But by the same token it's always really frustrating when men INSIST that there is one key to every womans ignition.

Magazine articles called, "what women really want" make we want to break things.

Even more frustrating is the truth seems so bloody obvious to me.

Well anyway hope you feel better, LOVE BITES huzzah!

 

[Lurker]

Kind of if I asked "How do I get a job" and you said, well, every job is different so you just have to wing it. No, you'd start talking about resumes and job interviews, the kinds of things that are similar in just about every job.

Actually no, I wouldn’t start talking about resumes and interviews.

The resume you'd present for an acting job, for example, would not be comparable to the one you'd present for an engineering position. And while the acting style interview may entertain and amuse the engineering recruiters and vice versa, I'd say they would be full of fail.

Instead I’d start by asking you what kind of work you’d done in the past along with how you liked it and what kind of job you were interested in or what area you were passionate about.

Transfer this over to women and I’d ask you what type of woman you’ve ended up with previously and how that went along with what you are attracted to now and then start to narrow down the scope till we could find some common answers on how to approach someone.

MBTI types can be a useful tool to grab a sub-section of society as a starting point as well, for example the approach that would get the attention of an INTJ is so very different to what would make an ESFP swoon.

There will never be a definitive answer but basic commonalities can be found BUT you have to know what you're after before you can start thinking about your approach.

 

[Lurker]

Like how taking out the trash is supposed to be a sign of love to a women because it makes her workload easier (Dr. Phil or some such).

Also, not even generalisations like that can be made for all women.

The five languages of love covers that under 'acts of service', works for some, means nothing to others

 

[darkstar]

Transfer this over to women and I’d ask you what type of woman you’ve ended up with previously and how that went along with what you are attracted to now and then start to narrow down the scope till we could find some common answers on how to approach someone.

Well, let's go with 0, none, crappy, and out of reach ENFJs.

 

[Lurker]

Well, let's go with 0, none, crappy, and out of reach ENFJs.

Hmm, nothing wrong with not having had success in the past but if you think what you’re aiming for is unreachable then it probably will be, you have to change your expectations to fall in line with what you want. There’s no reason why ENFJs would be out of reach but if you have a negative attitude that says they are then guess what, they will be.

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. Get involved with some different kinds of humanitarian projects or other organisations like that where NFs are in abundance, you'll prolly have to meet and talk to lots of girls before you find the right one and if you're in an environment where you already have a common interest it should give them a certain level of comfort to talk to you and an easy topic to start with.

You’re on an INFJ forum, ask the women here what they’re passionate about and what approach would work for them.

You need to not make excuses for why it can’t work and stop dwelling in the past, if there’s something out there you want, make it happen, you may not get exactly what you want but I assure you if you do nothing and expect nothing then that is exactly what you'll get.

 

[darkstar]

Thanks for that Lurker. Every once in a while I do need a good slap of sense from an NT.

Yeah, I'm just going through some crap right now and that was part of my venting. Some good points, but I always do wonder why the advice of "volunteering or humanitarianism or politics" is a good way to meet women.

If I'm volunteering just to meet women, then these ulterior motives will surely shine through. Same with church to me. I wouldn't go to a place of worship just to "pick up chicks".

 

[Pristinegirl]

I do this all the time. I take my relationships for being more intimite than they actually are haha. Any NF person should do you justice, if not then they should retake the test! Just keep smiling and keep shining and you will attract the right ones!

Here is a list that was put on this site before: