How old is too old? (Age gap in relationships) | INFJ Forum

How old is too old? (Age gap in relationships)

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Nov 5, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    Stealing Prankster's thread idea but widening the topic.

    So, when it comes to relationships how old is too old?

    Maturity is of course a factor in choosing a partner, but how does age factor in?

    Where do you draw the line when it comes to love (if you draw a line that is)?

    (I didn't see another thread on this specifically. If there is, someone let me know)
     
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  2. bamf

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    I have a hard time defining age limits in a relationship. I do see something wrong with a 13yr old and 20 yr old for example but not a 22yr old and 35yr old necessarily. I guess like you said, maturity really plays a role in the younger formation years. Once the person is of reasonable maturity (which I'd personally consider on a case by case basis)I dont think I'm anyone to judge what makes people happy or try and guess at their motives. I'm 19 going on 20, and I could see myself dating someone who's 17 if they're mature in my eyes and not date a 25 year old because I find her immature.

    I guess to me there is no real line in the sand...sorry that it doesn't really answer your questions :/
     
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  3. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    10 years.:meye:




     
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  4. OP
    Gaze

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    However you want to answer is fine. Interesting points you make though.
     
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  5. OP
    Gaze

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    So, someone who is 34 1/2 is out?

    (j/k)
     
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    #5 Gaze, Nov 5, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2009
  6. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    I don't think age as such is all that important. I know very mature 17 year olds, and very immature 27 year olds. It all depends on the maturity of both partners. I've seen a lot of relationships work where there is a significant age gap (10 years or more), so I guess it could work out.

    However, if I really have to draw a line.. I don't think I could ever date someone twice my age, or someone who could have been my son. :m125:
     
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  7. Storm

    Storm Regular Poster

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    Take the older person's age, divide it by 2 and add 7. This works from age 14 to about age 45. After 45, there is a limit of about 15-20 years depending.

    X = Older age
    Y = Younger age

    X/2 +7 = Y or
    X = 2Y -14

    This just a rough guide a couple of years is given to fudge it.
     
    #7 Storm, Nov 5, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2009
  8. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Yes, I think once you get into dating someone who could be your child, you've crossed into uncomfortable territory. Somewhere after the 15 yr line would be my vote.

    That being said, maturity does indeed matter. And I do believe in "Love conquers all", so there are exceptions.
     
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  9. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I see the principle behind the problem of large age differences to be one in which the partners don't have the capacity to function as equals. This has been explored regarding young girls with men, but I think the same principle can apply when one individual is becoming elderly enough to be vulnerable. If one person is dependent by nature, but has something the other partner desires, it can create an opportunistic situation that can imply one partner would be exploited. This doesn't mean that would always be the case, but if there is strong attraction to that vulnerability then I wonder about it.

    I've seen gold diggers exploit the elderly with financial resources. I also remember being an adolescent girl. It was amazing what came out of the woodwork during those years. I was always "mature" for my age, but can now compare my early worldview with how I think now and can more clearly see my vulnerability of those years from this vantage point. I was too idealistic and my view of the world not terribly accurate. I was always responsible and mature, but the vulnerability ran deeper than that. I would not have been equipped to deal with the sorts of exploitation I can counter now. While it is true that some men might find young girls endearing and have a sincere fondness for them, still, if the thought of letting her fly the plane brings a warm chuckle, it is because her lack of power is part of her charm. That is exploitation and disrespect even if it feels like love and nurturing.
     
    #9 Julia, Nov 5, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2009
  10. NeverAmI

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    I would probably go up to 15 years older than me.


    I would be VERY hesitant to get with someone younger, unless they were quite mature.
     
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  11. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    Not for me. Depends on what month you are born. I am in October.lol:m085:
     
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  12. NekoLove

    NekoLove Regular Poster

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    When I was 18 my boyfriend was 13 years older than me. Even though he was in his 30's, I always felt as though I was the mature one in the relationship. The most important thing I learned about relationships like that one is that the younger person is continuing to grow, and the older person probably isn't. He wanted me to stay the same forever, and I was frustrated that he hadn't yet grown up. It didn't work out.

    I don't think age difference matters as much once both parties are old enough to be established in their personalities and the understanding of their goals and values.

    But then again, I can't imagine how hard it must be for couples with significant age differences when one person is dealing with numerous age related health problems, while the other person is still in good enough health to take care of them.
     
  13. slant

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    a 4 year gap is as far as I'm willing to go.

    Anything past 8 years, you're practically born into different generations so it makes it hard to relate.
     
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  14. Solar Empath

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    Well, there's also a difference between a 15yo dating a 25yo versus a 55yo with a 65yo.
     
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  15. slant

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    I should have been more specific. My personal belief is, 2-4 year gap for anyone under the age of 20. Then past 20, an 4-8 rule is pretty much as far up as I would go.

    I would only date someone 2 years older than me currently because of my age,

    but once a person maintains twenty I think the maturity level and development would even out pretty well.

    A 20 year old and a 24 year old would be able to relate,

    whereas a 16 year old and 20 year old not so much.

    A 20 year old and a 28 year old might have a harder time relating, but a 20 year old and 30-40 year old would definetely have a problem just because of the generation gap. When you'd get to talking about your childhood and how things were in your day, you'll notice that things are quite different even 4 or 5 years from 'your day'.
     
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  16. Alkali Regnant

    Alkali Regnant Regular Poster

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    I had to deal with a question like that recently myself.
    It really depends on what the ages are though. The older you get the more a gap becomes unnoticeable or accepted. My rules is really 3 years during high school and then once you are above that I'd say 10 years max.
    I'm currently dating someone who is 4 years older than myself. I was a bit skeptical at first (me just starting college and him being done with it) but there really isn't that much a difference. Just follow your own morals and you'll be okay.
     
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  17. WaeV

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  18. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    I agree with that definition. But as we grow older the gap seems to get smaller.:m066:
     
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  19. bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    Someone younger is a big no-no. The maximum age gap I think I'd be fine with would be 10 years. For each person it's different.
     
  20. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    Personally I would not date anyone more then 10 years older then me although I'd prefer them to be within 5 years older, outside that depends on the person. I'd also prefer not to date someone younger, 1-2 years younger is my limit, I don't know why that is though. Just seems odd somehow.
     
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