Giving In Easily

tabbymanx

tabbymanx

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4/5 (4w5, or 5w4)
First of all, I am new. Hi everyone!

I have been wondering about a trait/weakness, or whatever you want to call it, I have - Do you give in easily during a conflict? I always find myself doing that, almost to the point of automatic. Usually I do that just to get out of the confrontation but then I would regret afterwards. Sometimes, it is just an automatic response after I get frustrated. I all cases, I ended up the one losing. I hate myself doing that!
 
I avoid conflict at all cost. . it used to bother me. . but now I just accept it as prt of me. .
 
yep, no more fighting. I don't care if it makes me seem weaker or too passive. At some point in your life, you can't let what people feel determine your happiness. As much as I may regret it, if I fight, my anxiety level goes through the roof and may have a panic attack. So, giving in, however disliked, is more healthy for me in the long run.
 
Hi! Welcome to INFJs. ^^

It depends on what my purpose is. If it's something that's integral to my success or peace of mind that I need to get done, and I think it's something I can negotiate, I won't give in. If it's something that isn't that important to me, and the other person shutting up is more desirable, then I'll give in easily. I guess it's a balance of how much I want something vs. how annoying it would be for me to deal with the person.
 
I depends on the conflict. If the opposiing side is willing to seek a resolution, then no ... I will not give in. If the opposing side is in it to win ... then they can win all they want baby! :D It's just that I find "winning" an argument totally absurd and won't oblige.
 
I'm very good at compromising, unless something offends my morals. You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. Most stuff in life is far too trivial to make a stink about. One thing I learned as a mother was YOU GOTTA PICK YOUR BATTLES.
 
I despise conflict and avoid it at all costs,but if i find myself in one...i guess it depends.I use to always be the one to give in,but as i've gotten older,i've learned to stand-up for myself a little more.Plus,as you said..i always hated that feeling,after the conflict where you're sitting there thinking..."god,i wish i would have said this,or this,or this"..
 
I think I'm a bit different this way... I actually enjoy conflict/arguments as long as their not emotionally charged/driven. I like debating things, seeing another persons perspective/reasoning process can be quite enjoyable (to me anyway). I really don't like it when people give one or a few words for why their point is right; I want to understand why they would argue this point/ why they think their point/understanding is more valid then my own. I will usually concede if the I find their point to be valid and well thought out. I definitely avoid emotional confrontation/arguments when I can, and I actively work to resolve other peoples emotional conflicts (quickly if possible, I really dislike when it gets dragged out).
 
Anything taken to an extreme in our lives should be examined with an eye toward balance. Being accomdating in and of itself isn't bad but if you are doing it when you don't want to be---that is being deceptive. You damage the relationship you have with someone if you are deceptive with them and create distance by not voicing your needs and wants. It is a way of disengaging and refusing to accept responsibility for yourself and the relationship. It creates what I call "automatic outs"--this isn't what I wanted...so it can't be my "fault" if something goes wrong. I typically view this behavior as "withholding" and passive aggressive.
 
I agree with you, Stormy1. I always ended up feeling resentful to the person I had a conflict with. Avoiding a short pain ended up becoming a long pain. I recognize that is not a good attitude. The trick I have yet to learn is how to recognize that automatic response and stop myself from doing that.

Having said that, I know I have never compromised big things. But then, most of the things are small things, that is where I have problems.
 
I think it is important to recognize what your purpose is when you face a confrontation. You should be able to meet with someone and find a working solution to the problem at hand--typically this involves compromise and negotiation. Sometimes people fail to recognize the purpose of conflict (finding a solution) and boil it down to "right and wrong". It could be the way you view conflict--it isn't a contest it is a negotiation.
 
I avoid conflict because it's annoying. If I can't avoid conflict, I blow up and become dangerous.
 
tabbymanx said:
First of all, I am new. Hi everyone!

I have been wondering about a trait/weakness, or whatever you want to call it, I have - Do you give in easily during a conflict? I always find myself doing that, almost to the point of automatic. Usually I do that just to get out of the confrontation but then I would regret afterwards. Sometimes, it is just an automatic response after I get frustrated. I all cases, I ended up the one losing. I hate myself doing that!
Click to expand...
yes! i often let it go because it's easier, far less stressful.
although i will confront someone immediately if they're being passive aggressive toward me because i'd rather have it out than feel that icky residue all around me.
i'm having a big issue with my dentist right now, and i've had to stand my ground a number of times even though i just felt like giving up. it really matters to me enough that i must risk being seen as difficult, unreasonable, or whatever else to get what i feel i am entitled to. what i KNOW i am entitled to. even in doing so (and tomorrow i will be there again) i hate every single damned second of it and i wish i could crawl inside myself.
 
No, I don't give in easily at all! I avoid conflict but when it comes and if it something important and I know I am right I will NOT back down, not ever, I cannot stand injustice.
 
I abhor conflicts and try my best to avoid them. If I'm in one and I'm wrong in any way, I will admit it. But if I'm not and know in my heart I'm not :D, I always stand my ground.
 
I used to think that giving in or accomodating the was the noble thing to do.
But I took this class in Interpersonal Communication where I read that:
by being constantly accomodating in relationships, one is really just communicating that they do not value themselves or their needs.
And if you repeatedly communicate that you do not value yourself or your needs, most other people won't value them either.

I guess ironically, accomodating can communicate that you do value yourself in the rare event that someone holds a gun to your head and tells you to give all the money in your bag to them..
Because it's better to walk away alive than lose fifty bucks and end up dead...but in interpersonal relationships, constantly accomodating others
is a red flag that you are essentially being robbed.

The healthiest method of solving conflict is collaboration, or working together to come up with create ideas to satisfy both.
It's not the same as compromise where both people make a sacrifice.

A link
 
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