Friendships in your life | INFJ Forum

Friendships in your life

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by acd, Sep 7, 2010.

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  1. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Do you find it's harder or easier for you to click with other people as you get older? How easily do you make friends now as opposed to years ago? What do you think of the quality of friendships at this point in your life as opposed to others? Can you even distinguish between the quality?

    I'm just curious what other people would say because it seems that I have a more difficult time making friendships with people as opposed to just a few years ago.

    I'm not really sure how to explain it, but personally I seem to be withdrawing more and more inward... despite co-workers and acquaintances making an effort to spend time with me and get to know me.. like the idea of going and sitting in someone's house I barely know and having dinner and chatting kind of frightens me no matter how much I like the person and want to be friends with them--the idea of starting over with a new person seems very difficult.. I'm sure I'm just being neurotic. I don't know what my problem is.. It may have something to do with just recently going through a phase in which a few close old high school friends and I drifted apart, despite my efforts to maintain the closeness..

    I guess what I'm looking for is just your own experiences and advice if you have any..Because I think friendships are extremely important relationships to have, and I don't want to miss out because I have some sort of weird fear of friendship rejection!
     
    #1 acd, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
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  2. whytiger

    whytiger Community Member

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    Not really. At first I thought so, but I've never been good at making friends. I'm pretty much the same as I've always been. Still, I've really only needed one or two good friends, so I'm good at present.
     
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  3. Gaze

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    I treasure the few friendships i have, especially from school, those i went to college with, and went through all the things we did, graduating, starting careers, relationship stuff, etc. That kind of history can't be substituted or replaced. I'm beginning to lose some of these friends, however.

    Although it's easier to make friends as time passes, it's not necessarily easier to make good and meaningful friendships since most people today are not as focused on making long term associations, just passing by.

    I value quality over quantity so i don't think it's important to have many friends. I'm more interested in personal and long term connections now.
     
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    #3 Gaze, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
  4. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    In general, it's easier to click with people because I am not as shy as I used to be. But, I have a harder time developing close relationships with people because most people I meet, don't bring much substance to the table. but when I find someone that really gets me, it's like I'm attracted to them moth to a flame, not physically of course. I make aquaintances much easier than I do friends nowadays. I think it's the quality that matters, rather than the quantity...Now that I am a little wiser, I've become much choosier with whom I become friends with and that had made all the difference. I have usually found that the people I least expect to be friends with end up as myclose/ best friends
     
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  5. Ethereal

    Ethereal Regular Poster

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    I have as much difficulty making friends as I did when I was a child, it has never changed. I only have one IRL friend who is a true friend and I've known her since I was 9. We live in different countries now though sadly. I have about 5 online friends some of whom I talk to on the phone and despite never having met in the flesh I consider them good friends and would like to meet them properly.

    The problem I have is that I am all or nothing, I can't do surface/shallow friendships. It is also almost impossible to find people that I click with or who get me, I can't cope with extroverts who cannot grasp that I need warning and preparation before I see them, such as NOT just dropping by without arranging it beforehand in advance. I won't answer the door otherwise!!! However i have little need of friends, I rarely get on with many women (the mainstream ones) as I hate the competitiveness, the bitchiness, the sniping, and the endless banal drival that comes out of their mouths. I'm not interested in shopping malls, cinemas or the worse of all........"girly nights" ARGHHH!!!!!!! No, I'm quite content with just my husband.
     
  6. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    "Do you find it's harder or easier for you to click with other people as you get older? How easily do you make friends now as opposed to years ago? What do you think of the quality of friendships at this point in your life as opposed to others? Can you even distinguish between the quality? "

    I find it easier to click with people as I get older.

    In my teen years and earlier I was so eager to make strong friendships that I've let myself fall into trap of avoiding the obvious signs of flaws and behaviour that shouldn't be just passed by in people I wanted to be friends with. Afterwards I would be disappointed and sad, when in reality I was letting myself down for settling for friendships that were not based on quality.

    Now I know what I want from myself and thus others and I don't settle as easy as I did, and I make myself clear of what I offer as a friend and what I expect. People respect me more, my communication is better, and more importantly I'm happier and I have some very chosen and very good friends.

    I can distinguish between the quality, because the things that I expected from friendships didn't change much over the years but my attitude towards obtaining them did, and thus the result is that I'm surrounded with friends who are willing to work on those friendships and who are very respectful of me, as I am of them, as opposed to some of my friends or should I say most of my friends from my teen years.

    I have some friendships that last for more than 20 years now, and I cherish them the most because I know how hard it was to keep them over the years since I changed and those people changed, but what is important is that as I changed my attitude towards my friendships policies, some of my friendships that were really meaningful grew stronger than I could ever expected though the persons involved were very different than me, and some dissolved over the years and we grew apart.
     
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  7. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I have no diffculty in making friends. We moved every 2 years while I was growing up. However, I tend to reserve close friendships with people to the few rather than the many. I have a sister who is only 1 year and 20 days older than me and we are very close. So in a way I have always had a ready friend no matter what. I tended to make more men friends than woman when I was younger. My close friends now are all woman. I miss having a really good guy friend at times because of the interesting and different persepective on life they have. My best friends was a guy and he taught me the "leave it, I'll do it later" mentality that helped me stop being such a worrywart.
     
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  8. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    close friends are hard for me to find, though whenever i find myself in a new environment for extended period of time (ex new job or something) i usually make a few friends i can joke around with and who have similar ideals. Rarely does this translate to hanging out after work beyond a beer or work related function though, and whenever i leave that environment the friendship usually doesn't follow.
     
  9. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    It is more difficult for me to develop and maintain close friendships as I get older, yes.
     
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  10. Matariki

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    I've always had trouble making friends since I was a child. I have major issues with trust, having autism as well is a daily hurdle for me to jump over.
    As it stands I have one close friend outside of the family who's around my age. I consider my siblings to be friends as well.
    Making acquaintances comes very eaisly to me. Friends is a completely different ball game.

    I'm not surprised if I see any other ENTP's post anything similar.
     
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  11. Quest

    Quest Community Member

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    I've more difficulty making and maintaining friendships as I get older. It's hard to find people I really connect with.
     
  12. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Well, I'm just going to jump headfirst into it. Screw it. I'm going to make plans and push myself to be open..I need connections.
    I just found out today that an old friend of mine has died. Life is too short. Everyone seems so heartbreakingly beautiful to me right now..
     
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  13. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    I want to give you a big ol' hug and squeeze your cute little guts out.
    This is about to sound cheesy and lame but I feel this proudness for you
    because you're doing this for yourself. Leaving your comfort zone and
    all that jazz. Or it's because I'm jealous I can't bring myself to do this
    and I wish I would be more open to involved new relationships. Let
    me know how it goes for you?
     
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  14. Razare

    Razare Community Member

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    Yep, that's how it goes for me too.

    People really get put off that I have to schedule our hanging-out time and I've lost friends because of it.

    My ENFJ sister eventually caught on that what pissed me off when she asked if we could go do something, was not the event itself, but her wanting to do it immediately and giving me no warning.
     
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  15. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Hehehe!
    I don't think it's cheesy.. I much appreciate the sentiment.
    I'll let you know as soon as I know how it's going.
     
  16. just me

    just me GONE

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    From The Outlaw Josey Wales:

    Josey Wales : "Whenever I get to liking some one they ain't around long." Chief : "I noticed when you get to disliking someone they ain't around for long neither. ...
     
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  17. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    yeah i really think this is the only way, and from a 5 to a 9 i give you props, things like this go against the norm.

    recently came to the same conclusion myself through different circumstances and sorry to hear about yours, but regardless of how people get there, pushing against our comfort zones can do loads of good for anybody. and afterwords i always feel better for putting myself out there anyway regardless of the outcome. i think the trick is starting small and working your way up to where you need to be, goodluck.
     
  18. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    For me it's a catch-22. I make friends much easier now that I'm older. But I find I have MUCH less time for friends now, as my life is filled up with work, family, and the occasional hour on the 'net!
     
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  19. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    This, yes. I would have to agree that most often times, when I push myself beyond my comfort I end up finding something wonderful, or at least learning something. Like shoving myself out of the dark musty room of my mind, where I think more of the things of life without experiencing them so much--stumbling out into the festivities going, "Uh, hey guys? How's the cheese dip? Oh. There's a pinata." Or something.
    I don't know.

    It's been brewing in me for awhile: Connect with people!! And yet I usually find myself recoiling to the safety of solitude. I'm not joking about this. If I go to a bar I'm checking out other women to see if I could be friends with them. I miss those close female to female friendships.

    Now, I see my friend in other people--to varying degrees..

    She was troubled, we hadn't really been close in years.. and died of an overdose. She was lovely beneath all that though--vibrant and wild and talented. Just hurting and hiding.
    Everybody has their things. Maybe I'm only patient when I'm a touch sad.

    Anyway. Thanks for responding..
    And, thanks to whomever voted this silly thread five stars! (I'll bet it was notmeganfox.)
     
    #19 acd, Sep 10, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2010
  20. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Why do you think it is that you make friends more easily now that you are older?

    When I was younger I think I had lots more time and energy and that also has something to do with it.
    What is the secret of your vitality QP!
     
    #20 acd, Sep 10, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2010
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