Friendships in your life

Not really. At first I thought so, but I've never been good at making friends. I'm pretty much the same as I've always been. Still, I've really only needed one or two good friends, so I'm good at present.

 

I treasure the few friendships i have, especially from school, those i went to college with, and went through all the things we did, graduating, starting careers, relationship stuff, etc. That kind of history can't be substituted or replaced. I'm beginning to lose some of these friends, however.

Although it's easier to make friends as time passes, it's not necessarily easier to make good and meaningful friendships since most people today are not as focused on making long term associations, just passing by.

I value quality over quantity so i don't think it's important to have many friends. I'm more interested in personal and long term connections now.

 

In general, it's easier to click with people because I am not as shy as I used to be. But, I have a harder time developing close relationships with people because most people I meet, don't bring much substance to the table. but when I find someone that really gets me, it's like I'm attracted to them moth to a flame, not physically of course. I make aquaintances much easier than I do friends nowadays. I think it's the quality that matters, rather than the quantity...Now that I am a little wiser, I've become much choosier with whom I become friends with and that had made all the difference. I have usually found that the people I least expect to be friends with end up as myclose/ best friends

 

I have as much difficulty making friends as I did when I was a child, it has never changed. I only have one IRL friend who is a true friend and I've known her since I was 9. We live in different countries now though sadly. I have about 5 online friends some of whom I talk to on the phone and despite never having met in the flesh I consider them good friends and would like to meet them properly.

The problem I have is that I am all or nothing, I can't do surface/shallow friendships. It is also almost impossible to find people that I click with or who get me, I can't cope with extroverts who cannot grasp that I need warning and preparation before I see them, such as NOT just dropping by without arranging it beforehand in advance. I won't answer the door otherwise!!! However i have little need of friends, I rarely get on with many women (the mainstream ones) as I hate the competitiveness, the bitchiness, the sniping, and the endless banal drival that comes out of their mouths. I'm not interested in shopping malls, cinemas or the worse of all........"girly nights" ARGHHH!!!!!!! No, I'm quite content with just my husband.

 

"Do you find it's harder or easier for you to click with other people as you get older? How easily do you make friends now as opposed to years ago? What do you think of the quality of friendships at this point in your life as opposed to others? Can you even distinguish between the quality? "

I find it easier to click with people as I get older.

In my teen years and earlier I was so eager to make strong friendships that I've let myself fall into trap of avoiding the obvious signs of flaws and behaviour that shouldn't be just passed by in people I wanted to be friends with. Afterwards I would be disappointed and sad, when in reality I was letting myself down for settling for friendships that were not based on quality.

Now I know what I want from myself and thus others and I don't settle as easy as I did, and I make myself clear of what I offer as a friend and what I expect. People respect me more, my communication is better, and more importantly I'm happier and I have some very chosen and very good friends.

I can distinguish between the quality, because the things that I expected from friendships didn't change much over the years but my attitude towards obtaining them did, and thus the result is that I'm surrounded with friends who are willing to work on those friendships and who are very respectful of me, as I am of them, as opposed to some of my friends or should I say most of my friends from my teen years.

I have some friendships that last for more than 20 years now, and I cherish them the most because I know how hard it was to keep them over the years since I changed and those people changed, but what is important is that as I changed my attitude towards my friendships policies, some of my friendships that were really meaningful grew stronger than I could ever expected though the persons involved were very different than me, and some dissolved over the years and we grew apart.

 

I have no diffculty in making friends. We moved every 2 years while I was growing up. However, I tend to reserve close friendships with people to the few rather than the many. I have a sister who is only 1 year and 20 days older than me and we are very close. So in a way I have always had a ready friend no matter what. I tended to make more men friends than woman when I was younger. My close friends now are all woman. I miss having a really good guy friend at times because of the interesting and different persepective on life they have. My best friends was a guy and he taught me the "leave it, I'll do it later" mentality that helped me stop being such a worrywart.

 

close friends are hard for me to find, though whenever i find myself in a new environment for extended period of time (ex new job or something) i usually make a few friends i can joke around with and who have similar ideals. Rarely does this translate to hanging out after work beyond a beer or work related function though, and whenever i leave that environment the friendship usually doesn't follow.

 

It is more difficult for me to develop and maintain close friendships as I get older, yes.

 

I've always had trouble making friends since I was a child. I have major issues with trust, having autism as well is a daily hurdle for me to jump over.
As it stands I have one close friend outside of the family who's around my age. I consider my siblings to be friends as well.
Making acquaintances comes very eaisly to me. Friends is a completely different ball game.

I'm not surprised if I see any other ENTP's post anything similar.

 

I've more difficulty making and maintaining friendships as I get older. It's hard to find people I really connect with.

 

I want to give you a big ol' hug and squeeze your cute little guts out.
This is about to sound cheesy and lame but I feel this proudness for you
because you're doing this for yourself. Leaving your comfort zone and
all that jazz. Or it's because I'm jealous I can't bring myself to do this
and I wish I would be more open to involved new relationships. Let
me know how it goes for you?

 

Yep, that's how it goes for me too.

People really get put off that I have to schedule our hanging-out time and I've lost friends because of it.

My ENFJ sister eventually caught on that what pissed me off when she asked if we could go do something, was not the event itself, but her wanting to do it immediately and giving me no warning.

 

From The Outlaw Josey Wales:

Josey Wales : "Whenever I get to liking some one they ain't around long." Chief : "I noticed when you get to disliking someone they ain't around for long neither. ...

 

yeah i really think this is the only way, and from a 5 to a 9 i give you props, things like this go against the norm.

recently came to the same conclusion myself through different circumstances and sorry to hear about yours, but regardless of how people get there, pushing against our comfort zones can do loads of good for anybody. and afterwords i always feel better for putting myself out there anyway regardless of the outcome. i think the trick is starting small and working your way up to where you need to be, goodluck.

 

For me it's a catch-22. I make friends much easier now that I'm older. But I find I have MUCH less time for friends now, as my life is filled up with work, family, and the occasional hour on the 'net!