Define "being in love" . . .
- Thread starter Gaze
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"being in love" has changed it's basic meaning for me recently. Over the years, i thought it was this all encompassing, overwhelming feeling, of being utterly and completely caught in feelings to the point of obsession with someone. I realized this sense of love was not freeing, at least in my experience; this reflected a sense of someone being a prisoner to their emotions and someone not thinking clearly or rationally about how they feel and why. They were feeling without good reasoning. I think instead, that being in love shouldn't feel like a prison to the emotions as if one has no control. It's probably one of the most liberating ways to think of love; to not think you have no control over those feelings. I was really into the whole, love is so dreamy and overwhelming and so gosh darn full of good feeling all the time 
. When, the reality is, it's more subtle, responsible, thoughtful, and shouldn't involve the denial or demeaning of the self in the process. I also feel being in love is a private experience. It's not what people see but what is felt and experienced between the two people involved. I used to think love was this public experience of everyone knowing and seeing it on someone's face, etc. And i've come to respect it more as a level of love, feeling, and comfort with someone unparalleled by their relationship with someone else.
. When, the reality is, it's more subtle, responsible, thoughtful, and shouldn't involve the denial or demeaning of the self in the process. I also feel being in love is a private experience. It's not what people see but what is felt and experienced between the two people involved. I used to think love was this public experience of everyone knowing and seeing it on someone's face, etc. And i've come to respect it more as a level of love, feeling, and comfort with someone unparalleled by their relationship with someone else.
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These are my thoughts on love, based on my experiences...
Love is real.
It is not merely an idea, but a force. There are many who will risk everything for just a glimpse of it.
Love shares.
Love nurtures both self and partner. There is a basic balance of give and take.
Love validates.
Love acknowledges and supports, despite differences.
Love moves in cycles, as all things in life do.
Love can be steady and companionable, while remaining fresh and passionate.
Love encourages change and growth.
Love does not attempt to force change, but neither has the expectation that everything must remain unchanged.
Love is trust.
I have learned it is better to trust and be called a fool, than to not trust when there was no cause.
Love is acceptance.
To know one is loved without condition or reservation, and be able to return this same love is beyond the measure of words. Do we not all aspire to this?
Love is real.
It is not merely an idea, but a force. There are many who will risk everything for just a glimpse of it.
Love shares.
Love nurtures both self and partner. There is a basic balance of give and take.
Love validates.
Love acknowledges and supports, despite differences.
Love moves in cycles, as all things in life do.
Love can be steady and companionable, while remaining fresh and passionate.
Love encourages change and growth.
Love does not attempt to force change, but neither has the expectation that everything must remain unchanged.
Love is trust.
I have learned it is better to trust and be called a fool, than to not trust when there was no cause.
Love is acceptance.
To know one is loved without condition or reservation, and be able to return this same love is beyond the measure of words. Do we not all aspire to this?
Love is an emotional rollercoaster. I've been head over heels in love once and the experience put me at both the highest and lowest points of my life.
When I was with that person, I felt complete. Content, and like there was nothing else in the world I wanted more just to sit and talk and spend time with them. Because even just speaking to them made me the happiest person on Earth, because they don't judge me, and I don't judge them. They accept me for all that I am, and I would do anything for them, even at my own expense. I would give my life for them to be safe and happy.
But if something goes awry, you're left a broken, emotional mess, and it gets messy fast. Love is trusting your emotions to someone else and letting them come freely, and if that trust were to be broken, all of that emotional energy gone bad makes for an explosion.
And you never forget the people you've truly loved. It gets better over time, and you don't think about them as much. But at least for me, even if I'm not in love with them anymore, I still have a soft spot for that one person and care for them on some level, even years after the fact.
When I was with that person, I felt complete. Content, and like there was nothing else in the world I wanted more just to sit and talk and spend time with them. Because even just speaking to them made me the happiest person on Earth, because they don't judge me, and I don't judge them. They accept me for all that I am, and I would do anything for them, even at my own expense. I would give my life for them to be safe and happy.
But if something goes awry, you're left a broken, emotional mess, and it gets messy fast. Love is trusting your emotions to someone else and letting them come freely, and if that trust were to be broken, all of that emotional energy gone bad makes for an explosion.
And you never forget the people you've truly loved. It gets better over time, and you don't think about them as much. But at least for me, even if I'm not in love with them anymore, I still have a soft spot for that one person and care for them on some level, even years after the fact.
How do you define "being in love" if it's an idea you believe is real?
This term has a connotation suggesting the stereotype of initial attraction commonly associated with hollywood movies or preteenagers. Not necessarilly incorrect, but a with a lack of depth more easily attributed to lust. This is because it is usually the initial appearance of love. Phase one if you will. It's physical, and suggests a sense of longing and desire.
Do you think your sense of it is the same, somewhat the same, or very different from the stereotypical emotions or feelings associated with it?
Depending on which type of love you are talking about it is both similar and different. To me there are four types of love. The above is one type which is sexual, initial, and in my opinion under-developed. I think this because you can have this form without the other person, like a crush. Having the other person there just feeds the flame and it can be viewed as somewhat selfish.
The second type is a love where the two individuals share their likes and dislikes and form a long relationship. This suggests trust, closeness, security, and acceptance. Realize that this does not necessarilly mean romantic love. It could be viewed as "brotherly love." It's a bond.
Third is practical love. Being together because it's useful, almost like a team. Probably best represented by the impersonal approach to the emotion by the above INTP who objectified it. Lastly, there is unconditional or sacrifial love. Think Jesus, or the virtue of it. Caring for another with a depth of complete selflessness.
If you could, would you use a different phrase or word to describe the feeling or would you
keep it.
Of course I would use a different phrase. "Being in love" isn't real love IMO but a crush, and "true love" suggests some fantastical ideal of which could probably never be achieved in your wildest dreams.
HERE IT IS.
The way I see it, love=joy+trust. A combination of the first two loves I defined (Joy being the first and trust being the second.) Why? Because the definition of love is "an emotion of strong affection (similar to the definition of joy though you'll have to intuit it) and personal attatchment (or trust)." Practical love is too impersonal and objective, and unconditional is too deep to be personal as it suggests an intuitive altruism.
So as I said before, the first love lacks personal attatchment as trust is unnecessary. The second, however, lacks the strong affection as it can be between friends. So the combination of the two leads to the definition of what love is to me. A sense of security and trust, with a twist of passion and desire. It's an emotion you can't feel within the first two months of a relationship as it is, in fact, a associated with a relationship. I heard somewhere in psychology circles that if you love someone for 16 months, it's real love. But then I can't say that's true.
Judging by the way logically expressed how I see love, it's very apparent I'm an ENTP. But I'm not as bad as an INTP! I used emotions and feelings. lmao Poetry just isn't my forte. So, yeah, I didn't use a word or phrase to describe it but an equation. It's interesting how the INFJ used a poem to describe the emotional roller coaster (a form of order despite the emotional chaos) and the INFP expressed the roller coaster in his/her emotional ramblings (you have to intuitvely capture the words he uses in expressing the rollercoaster and "the flow of the cart" to understand his subjective view.) So similar yet so different. Just something that caught my eye. Mine's more like a debate arguement.
This term has a connotation suggesting the stereotype of initial attraction commonly associated with hollywood movies or preteenagers. Not necessarilly incorrect, but a with a lack of depth more easily attributed to lust. This is because it is usually the initial appearance of love. Phase one if you will. It's physical, and suggests a sense of longing and desire.
Do you think your sense of it is the same, somewhat the same, or very different from the stereotypical emotions or feelings associated with it?
Depending on which type of love you are talking about it is both similar and different. To me there are four types of love. The above is one type which is sexual, initial, and in my opinion under-developed. I think this because you can have this form without the other person, like a crush. Having the other person there just feeds the flame and it can be viewed as somewhat selfish.
The second type is a love where the two individuals share their likes and dislikes and form a long relationship. This suggests trust, closeness, security, and acceptance. Realize that this does not necessarilly mean romantic love. It could be viewed as "brotherly love." It's a bond.
Third is practical love. Being together because it's useful, almost like a team. Probably best represented by the impersonal approach to the emotion by the above INTP who objectified it. Lastly, there is unconditional or sacrifial love. Think Jesus, or the virtue of it. Caring for another with a depth of complete selflessness.
If you could, would you use a different phrase or word to describe the feeling or would you
keep it.
Of course I would use a different phrase. "Being in love" isn't real love IMO but a crush, and "true love" suggests some fantastical ideal of which could probably never be achieved in your wildest dreams.
HERE IT IS.
The way I see it, love=joy+trust. A combination of the first two loves I defined (Joy being the first and trust being the second.) Why? Because the definition of love is "an emotion of strong affection (similar to the definition of joy though you'll have to intuit it) and personal attatchment (or trust)." Practical love is too impersonal and objective, and unconditional is too deep to be personal as it suggests an intuitive altruism.
So as I said before, the first love lacks personal attatchment as trust is unnecessary. The second, however, lacks the strong affection as it can be between friends. So the combination of the two leads to the definition of what love is to me. A sense of security and trust, with a twist of passion and desire. It's an emotion you can't feel within the first two months of a relationship as it is, in fact, a associated with a relationship. I heard somewhere in psychology circles that if you love someone for 16 months, it's real love. But then I can't say that's true.
Judging by the way logically expressed how I see love, it's very apparent I'm an ENTP. But I'm not as bad as an INTP! I used emotions and feelings. lmao Poetry just isn't my forte. So, yeah, I didn't use a word or phrase to describe it but an equation. It's interesting how the INFJ used a poem to describe the emotional roller coaster (a form of order despite the emotional chaos) and the INFP expressed the roller coaster in his/her emotional ramblings (you have to intuitvely capture the words he uses in expressing the rollercoaster and "the flow of the cart" to understand his subjective view.) So similar yet so different. Just something that caught my eye. Mine's more like a debate arguement.
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I have a love for our soils and minerals, forests, waters, and wildlife. That love grows immensely at times, but a great love always remains. I love my dogs.
Being in love with spirituality in the sense of a belief of a diety is also ever encompassing.
Being in love with a person? Nothing else like it. When that person lies to you or does things that hurt you, it dries the dampness of love a bit. We expect love in return in a relationship equalled to what we feel, but we should be so lucky. To love is to overlook these things. To live with one you love, time wears away at how we look at shortcomings and disobediences. We still have the love, but it does become tiring at times. We wonder if we are loved why are we treated so. We hope for better days. We may even wonder if we are still in love. I would like to think I live "in love". I guess many people have many definitions.
Queen Elizabeth II said, "Grief is the price we pay for love." I have that on my desk. There is a lot of truth in that saying, and the words came from experience I am quite certain. I have grown to appreciate it.
Being in love with spirituality in the sense of a belief of a diety is also ever encompassing.
Being in love with a person? Nothing else like it. When that person lies to you or does things that hurt you, it dries the dampness of love a bit. We expect love in return in a relationship equalled to what we feel, but we should be so lucky. To love is to overlook these things. To live with one you love, time wears away at how we look at shortcomings and disobediences. We still have the love, but it does become tiring at times. We wonder if we are loved why are we treated so. We hope for better days. We may even wonder if we are still in love. I would like to think I live "in love". I guess many people have many definitions.
Queen Elizabeth II said, "Grief is the price we pay for love." I have that on my desk. There is a lot of truth in that saying, and the words came from experience I am quite certain. I have grown to appreciate it.
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[MENTION=3910]Hazardous1[/MENTION]
Your perspective is intresting--the way you relate "being in love" as something not so "true[love]"
I do see different variances of it too but "being in love" is a state of being-- you can see it as a crush but I believe it's something serious as well. I know so many younger people as soon as they start dating or develope some crush start blurting out "Omg I'm soooo in love with him/her" (however the majority of the time girls) as if it didn't mean much. It takes so much away from the meaning of the word.
"being in love" is not equal to "having a crush"
Anyway, I think love does have joy and trust but there are so much more emotions and feelings one can attatch to it. I explained myself through an equation (and I'm no "T") but there is so much more you can add to it.
Everyone has their own equation to love--some might be more complicated and others quite simple and I think that's how you can distinguish "crushes" from "true love."
Joy+Trust just sounds like a crush to me.
Too many answers.
It depends:
a) on phase in wich is your love, beginning or later
b) on you and on one you love (characteristics, types)
c) your relationship (if you have one is one thing, if just one side loves, that's another story)
d) on fact whether you admit your feelings or not (secret love can be hard)
e) I could really go on...
My point is: defining being in love is long process.
In my life I had maybe three loves and more crashes and honestly - it was never same. I still get surprised by some emtions or acts I experience when I discover feelings for somebody new.
One time it is all about emotional connection, another time I feel it so physical that even my skin can ache. The third time I find myself in total lost of control over my behaviour, I become totally "possesed" by another person.
Sometimes it makes me peaceful, sometimes I am regular example for ADHD...
It depends:
a) on phase in wich is your love, beginning or later
b) on you and on one you love (characteristics, types)
c) your relationship (if you have one is one thing, if just one side loves, that's another story)
d) on fact whether you admit your feelings or not (secret love can be hard)
e) I could really go on...
My point is: defining being in love is long process.
In my life I had maybe three loves and more crashes and honestly - it was never same. I still get surprised by some emtions or acts I experience when I discover feelings for somebody new.
One time it is all about emotional connection, another time I feel it so physical that even my skin can ache. The third time I find myself in total lost of control over my behaviour, I become totally "possesed" by another person.
Sometimes it makes me peaceful, sometimes I am regular example for ADHD...
I have lost interest in pursuing the concept of being in love. I think the sad truth for me at this point, is that I have a great deal of experience with it, and I am more interested in pursuing the concept of what lies beyond being in love, in this life. I'm getting older now, and it is time for new adventures.
What other emotions and feelings are associated with love? Like others have pointed out, love is an emotional roller coaster. In any relationships there are at times anger, sadness, and other such emotions but these are just interactions between two people. Yes, love involves sacrifice. But having to sacrifice develops its own feelings, not love's. You're right that the equation sounds like a crush, but this is because you're looking at the two addends as shallow emotions. When I say trust, I mean security, spiritual attatchment or longing, and a deep understanding of the other individual. When I say joy, I mean a constant state of positivity in which there is general happiness and comfort despite the fluctuations and changes the emotion undergoes through time. You may have viewed it as a form of elation or excitement instead.
If someone were to use more words to describe the emotion of truly being in love, then I might say it's true love. The OP asked how the three word phrase came across to me, and I told him the connotation I perceive when I initially hear it due to the fact that it is over-used. Right now you're describing your connotation, and while it's a valid view, the fact is we are using three two-dimensional words to describe a near infinite amount of opinions, experiences, and abstract ideas of two different people. So I'm not as interested in our connotations of three words as much as I am all these other emotions you perceive as being involved in love.
What other emotions involve themselves in love besides the emotions one must undergo in various stages of a relationship? The way I say it, I was describing Joy & Trust as the two general emotions that one holds within a state of "being in love" (using your definition) throughout the duration of the emotion. Jealousy, anger, grief, and happiness are all emotions one undergoes at different points of time and in different scenarios stemming from the relationship. But unless one is betrayed, taking away the combination of joy and trust in love and substituting it with remorse and abandonment, then these are the only two emotions I say in love that are kept with relative consistency. Therefore, these are the emotions I associate with love and not the emotions which come from other sources in time. So I'd very much like to hear what other emotions you see as being involved in love.