Attracted to people similar to you? | INFJ Forum

Attracted to people similar to you?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by KazeCraven, Sep 21, 2010.

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  1. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    If you met someone of your preferred gender who was very much like you, would you probably be attracted to them?



    What types of similarities do you think make a relationship compatible? incompatible?
    (Either for you, or in general, though I think in general it'll depend on the person.)

    Are there definitely ways in which you would not want to be similar?

    edit: This isn't referring to mbti type similarities, though such is relevant.
     
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    #1 KazeCraven, Sep 21, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
  2. Matariki

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    I'm not attracted at all to ENTP's.
    I'm INFJ's/INTJ's all the way.:m027:
     
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  3. Gaze

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    I would definitely not want someone like me. Someone who has interests i don't have or with whom i can explore new interests would be nice.

    As far as mutual compatibility, i'm not sure it exists. I think there can be compatibility of interests, personalities, etc. but i'm not sure there is perfect compatibility. I think people simply work hard to make what they have work even if it doesn't exactly fit.
     
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    #3 Gaze, Sep 21, 2010
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  4. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    I have already decided point-blank that I am definitely not going to date someone in my major unless they have a crazy, polar opposite minor to go with it.

    I would be attracted to someone who had the same tastes in books as me, and they would have to be the same religion I am. I'd probably be compatible with an esfp/enfp/isfj/infp

    I can't stand most intjs and estps
     
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  5. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
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    I like ENFJs kinda, though apparently I'm supposed to ENFPs... But I don't think I could get along with a P for life... GAH ! I'd go totally bonkers. Although being in southern VA I'm damn limited already.
     
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  6. Archon

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    No. I don't know what my type is but I usually like my opposite...I'm intense and deep...and I like to be in control...I like perceiving types...and more Fi than Fe? Yeah, they're just happy people...someone that I can't really be.
     
  7. JustinRWatson

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    INFJs are certainly my favorite profile on the typology list.. :)
     
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  8. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
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    Wait.


    Rewind.


    You don't know what type you are? I think I'm confused... What does the MBTI say? I think you'd be a ISTP. But I just made that up...
     
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  9. Archon

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    Eh, the MBTI has told me that I'm an INTJ, INTP, INFJ
     
  10. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    I think so because it's more comfortable and familiar.
     
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  11. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
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    Ok that makes loads more sense XD . Yea first two times I took it I got ISFJ, I'm definitely not an ISFJ. They are way too grounded. (in my experience)
     
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  12. OP
    KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Funny turn of opinion.

    I'd definitely say that similarities regarding perspectives on life are highly attractive, as are similarities regarding interests and thought processes, but personality in the sense of interaction style doesn't matter so long as it's compatible with my own.
     
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  13. Gaze

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    Very interesting point. Finding someone who has the same unique personality style is probably difficult, if not impossible. One of the hardest things is to find someone whose interaction style complements our own.
     
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  14. OP
    KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Maybe 'just' wanting someone with a complementary personality is quite a lot to ask for; perhaps even harder than finding someone who is similar.
     
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  15. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    for me intuition is ideal, its a similarity i've always wanted in a partner, but beyond that i don't really care and this isn't to say that i wouldn't date an S. the way i see it, any type of mbti is ideal if they're healthy. id rather enjoy myself with a comfortable S than get flack from an unhappy N.

    [​IMG]
     
  16. KorJax

    KorJax Community Member

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    I'm pretty flexible, or so I think. I have a pretty open mind when being with others. though I do feel I could never get in a serious relationship with anyone unless the following is met:

    I pretty much require my partner to be feeling oriented, or be a very mature Ti/Te who is very self aware and can accommodate other people in relation to themselves (this is extremely rare to find in T types in my experience when you are in college though).

    I'd like my partner to have similar "general" interests, but not nessicarily the exact interests I have. I.E. I probably wouldn't be able to date someone who does not enjoy video games at all, because it is a central role in my life (from a career standpoint and an entertainment standpoint). I also probably wouldn't be able to date someone who doesn't appreciate geeky things or attitudes, though I don't mind if their taste in "geek" or dorkyness is different from my own.

    Overall it needs to be someone who is capable of having an open mind and can be flexible enough to accept others and their differences. Someone who is completely absent minded when it comes to others or isn't very open minded when it comes to "real world" life I wouldn't give well with at all.

    I'd love to be able to be introduced to a new perspective or a new interest or new hobby, as variety is the spice of life. But I strive for compatability above all else.

    Extroversion is nice but not required. However I can't deal with extremely passive introverts at all. If you and I are around each other and you are so introverted that you can't 'take your own reigns' so to speak, then its not gonna work. I hate feeling like that spotlight is always on me and that I am required for you to be yourself. So I can't deal with anyone on a serious 1-to-1 level who always has a "Whatever you wanna do" passive and 'unmotivated' attitude. Not that I want the other extreme either ("Do only what I want to do!"). So I guess someone who is at least as introverted as I am or 'better'. I am introverted but I make sure to try and be an individual when socializing with others.
     
    #16 KorJax, Sep 21, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
  17. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    If you met someone of your preferred gender who was very much like you, would you probably be attracted to them? Yes. I just recently got to know a guy who is insanely like me. I wouldn't go as far as to say identical, we do differ in very slight ways, but he is the closest thing to the male version of myself that I have ever met. Before I met him I was sure that if I met someone that was that much like me I'd hate them, but honestly, he's fantastic. Now, I think if I met a girl that was like me I might show less interest. I am not exactly sure why, but I am much more picky with women and I have a completely different set of criteria.

    What types of similarities do you think make a relationship compatible? incompatible?
    Similar views on religion and politics are the biggest for me.
    I have dated people with different views on the subjects, and it can go well for a while. Eventually things get complicated. Especially with religion. What seems like (and should be) a simple debate never is. One or both parties are trying to change the others mind or convert them. It just gets really messy, and I would prefer to avoid that situation entirely by dating someone with similar religious beliefs. Politics is not as much of an issue. Fiscal issues don't come up in conversation as much and are far less volatile than social issues. However, hot button issues like abortion and gay marriage can cause rifts in relationships depending on how committed they are to their views. I'd really prefer to date someone who had views close to mine. I don't demand identical, but similar is a must.
    I also prefer people who approach things logically rather than emotionally. It is much easier for me to handle spats with someone who can see reason and logically explain why they are upset. I have a pretty short fuse with people who can't properly express and explain themselves. If I ask why they are upset and they answer with "just cause" I'm not going to know what to do or say. That's simply not an appropriate answer and I am not a mind reader.

    Are there definitely ways in which you would not want to be similar?
    I don't date other classically trained (competitive) singers. You'd think the years of training would give us something in common, something to bond over. Nope. The competitive nature of both parties puts a serious rift in the relationship. This is when diva attitudes take over and it's like world war III. No thanks. There's only room for one diva in a relationship and that's me.
    I would also prefer that my partner be more outgoing than I am. While I have social skills and love to go out, I prefer a partner that is more adept at socializing than I am.That way I have someone to pull me out when I go into hermit mode. That and I really can't deal with wall flowers or shy quiet types. I need someone who talks... a lot.

    Types I am most attracted to: ENFP, ENTP, and ISTP
    Types I am least attracted to: ISFJ, ESFJ, and ISTJ
     
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    #17 DevilDoll, Sep 21, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
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  18. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    If you met someone of your preferred gender who was very much like you, would you probably be attracted to them?

    I might be, but it's not necessary and in some cases it might be a turn-off (this is explained more at the end of the post). I need for us to be compatible in certain ways that are important, but I will find them more interesting if being with them means stepping into a different kind of world for me. Case in point, I'm typically attracted to SPs and NTs, both categories of types which I'm not.

    What types of similarities do you think make a relationship compatible? incompatible?
    (Either for you, or in general, though I think in general it'll depend on the person.)

    There are certain qualities that I think make people more successful in relationships: maturity, self/other awareness, empathy, openness/willingness to consider and honour their partner's needs, willingness to compromise, an ability and willingness to communicate their own thoughts/needs and to communicate in general, being in the relationship because you want to be not because you're looking for someone to take care of your needs, and so on.

    But I think people also have to be on the same wavelength, or a very similar one. I think this is extremely important. Being on different wavelengths, whether emotionally, intellectually, or otherwise, can lead to a lot of disconnect and problems within a relationship - in some ways, it's like you're inhabiting two different worlds or speaking very different languages, and it can result in a ton of frustration. Other important factors include both partners wanting the same thing from the relationship (and thus sharing motivations for the relationship), a certain compatibility in lifestyles - current or desired - and by this I don't only mean money but things like travel, stability, security, socializing, hosting, the decision around kids, shared activities, sex life, and so forth. That ties in with general compatibility and communication, both of which go a long way.

    In addition, we all have needs and expectations. It's unrealistic to expect our partner to meet them perfectly or for us to meet theirs perfectly, but we enter into relationships with the hope that the really important ones will be met. When we can recognize what those needs are, what our wounds are, what we need to meet for ourselves, what we actually want, what our partner is capable of and whether we're willing to accept that or not, part of the work of being in a relationship is already done. I mean, it's an ongoing process and we will more than likely readjust beliefs along the way and need to compromise, but yeah.

    Are there definitely ways in which you would not want to be similar?

    Sure. This kind of goes along with the first question. Some of the reasons I might be attracted to someone is because they're unlike me in certain ways. I like that we both bring various qualities to the relationship and bring out certain qualities in each other. Naturally, I also don't want my partner to possess many of the qualities which I consider vices within myself and am working on or want to eliminate. Similarly, I might be attracted to qualities in a partner that I enjoy but don't possess myself. For example, I tend to feel comfortable around people who are more relaxed and easy-going than I am, and I usually gravitate toward them and away from people who are more, or as, high-strung than I.
     
    #18 Soulful, Sep 21, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
  19. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    So very true.
     
    #19 Soulful, Sep 21, 2010
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  20. Angantyr

    Angantyr Regular Poster

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    I'm good friends with an INTJ, we get on quite well and tend to be understanding more than most INTJ's and he finds other INTJ's to be competition and some of them can be like immature children. I've never asked but I think half my friends were INTJ's.

    I dated an ENFP, she was good to talk to and we got on quite well but she often seemed frustrated and had to explain things twice. ENFP females are cute but come off as kind of ditzy. I think I'd prefer an ENFJ partner, to me they just seem really perfect BUT I don't think I know any in real life.
     
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