are you friendly? | INFJ Forum

are you friendly?

CarrotPoet

CarrotPoet

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May 9, 2009
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Do you consider yourself friendly? Do you smile when you order lunch/coffee? Do you keep eye contact with people who pass you when walking, maybe say "Good morning/evening"? Do you try to keep conversation going with strangers/acquiantances?

I understand that these aren't behaviors that are entirely natural for INFJ's. If you think you are pretty good at being friendly, do you have any tips/guidelines for the rest of us?
 
Yes, I am very friendly....but like a good INFJ, there are lots of reason that this is so.
 
I'm friendly once you get to know me, but otherwise, I'm a very guarded person who comes off as cold and unapproachable. Certain types of people annoy me so I do my best to put up a wall between myself and them. I usually ignore people who walk past me and don't say hi or good morning unless I really know them. Sometimes I just smile out of courtesy. I also have the habit of avoiding even people I am fairly acquainted with in public. I just pretend I didn't see them and go about my day.

So I guess I'm not the best person to offer tips on how to be friendly. :m131:
 
I suppose I would but maybe I have a funny way of showing it. If I weren't so shy then maybe I could make more eye contact with people and throw in a 'good morning/evening' more often to strangers and what not. When speaking with strangers, I'm usually thinking and worrying about how I'm coming off, or if something is wrong with me and I feel like some people may think I'm a bit cold and distant because of it (I usually take a passive approach and listen more instead of putting in my opinion or point-of-view). I'll definitely reciprocate a friendly smile or a 'hello' but unfortunately, I'm not one to go out of my way to do them (with strangers).

So in short, I do consider myself a friendly person...but any type of shyness and timidness from me will trump any type of friendliness from me anytime (once again with strangers).
 
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Yes, No, not often eye contact exept in the small time it takes to say good morning or something or if expressing my ideas and knowing they like eye contact knowing them well and not having a day where I have to look many people in the eyes never for an extended period of time it gets akward...its complicated, yes yes I do only with aquantences

Be nice, don't bite
 
firstjudge said:
I'm friendly once you get to know me, but otherwise, I'm a very guarded person who comes off as cold and unapproachable. Certain types of people annoy me so I do my best to put up a wall between myself and them. I usually ignore people who walk past me and don't say hi or good morning unless I really know them. Sometimes I just smile out of courtesy. I also have the habit of avoiding even people I am fairly acquainted with in public. I just pretend I didn't see them and go about my day.

So I guess I'm not the best person to offer tips on how to be friendly. :m131:
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Sounds so much like me.
 
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I'm actually pretty friendly most of the time. I think that's why a lot of people think I'm an extrovert.
 
fly away said:
I'm actually pretty friendly most of the time. I think that's why a lot of people think I'm an extrovert.
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Same here. I think smiling a lot gives off the vibe/impression that you're a lot more talkative/outgoing then you may naturally be.
 
The friendliest I've ever been in my life was when my kids were little and I was very involved in their activities. Meeting teachers, meeting other mothers, volunteering at the school, sporting events - the friendliness just went on and on!
I was good at it too and enjoyed it on the most part but man oh man my quiet, secluded time became sacred! I cherished it!
I like to put other people at ease if I can. We see so many jerks out there on any given day, why would I ever want to put myself out there as one as well!
To be friendly, helpful or non-threatening is not a bad thing.
We just have to learn to read the warning signs of people who have misinterpreted it. People who think meek is weak or friendly means 'patsy' are people you want to be able to spot quickly.
Cautiously friendly, I guess that's what I am.
 
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I am friendly but shy :(..I'm always putting up a smile, but sometimes it's so fake. I have toruble socializing or starting any sort of conversation which makes others think I'm distant, though I try to be nice, I'm misunderstood, I tend to be a bit analytical and perfectionist and interested in mainly school related stuff which has made others believe I'm cold..when in reality I'm trying to be nice..just that I don't quite go well with topics talked in schools such as partying, the worst part is that even though I help others and always act nice it has lead to my own isolation, people find me boring and easy to take advantage of. Since I'm deeply hurt by this, I just ignore others and get lost in thought.
 
I am friendly. I love people on the whole. :) I wouldn't say I'm good at being friendly though, so I'm not going to advise anyone to be more like me. I'm awkward and shy in situations where I'm not 'doing my job'. Not everyone is forgiving of that, but that's okay. It acts as a kind of asshole filter, in a way, although it's a shame, because I would have time for the assholes too if they'd give me half a chance. Still, I'd rather be myself, even if I'm not a social butterfly, and even if some people think I'm less than they are. :D
 
Helpful Elf said:
Still, I'd rather be myself, even if I'm not a social butterfly, and even if some people think I'm less than they are. :D
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You're a brave one. My hat's off to you.
 
I am friendly most of the time. When I am out at public, like at the store or something, I am friendly with people, or I ignore them. My mood drives this. If I am an in a sad/upset mood I will often just act distant. I don't want people to look "into" me and see what is wrong, so by being distant they won't bother me. I also will do this if I do not like the vibe that I get from someone. If I am in a good mood though, and the vibe is ok, I will start a short conversation with them, ask them how they are, ect.
 
I don't smile a lot with strangers, but I am polite.
I say please and thank you.
I used to be kind and rewind.
I tell people to have a nice day, and I mean it.
I do have a hard time with eye-contact, though. I don't want to be figured out.
 
I'm friendly! It takes a while to build up the confidence, though, and that's the part that's not necessarily natural for INFJs.

My pointers:

Remember, if you say "good morning" to strangers with a smile when they pass, they may give you weird looks. However, that's mostly because it's not as common as it should be. It's uncomfortable at times, but few people dislike others because they greeted them ;) Don't let that get you down!

If you smile and ask someone how they are doing, generally they will react positively unless they are having a bad day or are just generally grumpy. If you give a person the opening to talk about themselves and how they feel, they will either do so or they won't. Take the cue as to their reaction on whether to continue or not. But remember, if they react negatively, it's rarely because of you -- it's usually because they're having a bad day. Just stay positive and go about your business.

Weather, other person's day, common experiences (what is the setting?), or other common tidbits are good conversation starters. One of the hardest parts is getting going.

Eye contact doesn't necessarily have to be constant -- in fact, sometimes you can avoid it altogether. Just try not to look down or lower your eyes (that shows submissiveness, shyness, uneasiness, nervousness -- it kind of closes you up. People react like mirrors; if you're uneasy, they may very well become uneasy too). I usually look at their mouth/lips, forehead, etc. when I don't really feel comfortable with direct eye contact.

Watch your posture. Body language says a lot. Back straight, head high, shoulders perky, and a smile really says "I'm confident and inviting" even if you're not really. Learning how to control your own body language can help you control your situations, and, sometimes, even how you yourself react to a situation.
 
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Gloomy, you are super-duper cute. I feel like you should be creating a video tutorial on this subject. Please. Kthx.
*scampers off*
 
Some days I feel very friendly, but other days I am not.

I'm not unkind per se, but some days I don't feel like smiling and "chatting".
 
With my certain few close friends, I am outgoing and can be very extroverted.

Generally though, I keep to myself and in public places like the grocery store, if I see someone I know, I turn the other way and worry that they saw me turn and then they would feel badly...
 
Oh, and sometimes I smile at people, but they don't really smile back, and it's just awkward.

I have a feeling I do the same thing, though, because my mom repeatedly says I am unaware of my tone and facial expressions. My family and close friends no that I mean well, but people who don't know me might mistake my character as grim.
 
CarrotPoet said:
Do you consider yourself friendly? Do you smile when you order lunch/coffee? Do you keep eye contact with people who pass you when walking, maybe say "Good morning/evening"? Do you try to keep conversation going with strangers/acquiantances?

I understand that these aren't behaviors that are entirely natural for INFJ's. If you think you are pretty good at being friendly, do you have any tips/guidelines for the rest of us?
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Can you prove with evidence that eye contact is directly related to friendliness? :) I am friendly, but I do not naturally make and hold eye contact.
 
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