are you friendly?

[yumiii]

Can you prove with evidence that eye contact is directly related to friendliness? I am friendly, but I do not naturally make and hold eye contact.

Heh, same. I don't generally make eye-contact, even with my closest intimates. However, I just realized I make more eye-contact with people who talk to me who I'm not really close to. Strange. o-o'

Do you consider yourself friendly? Do you smile when you order lunch/coffee? Do you keep eye contact with people who pass you when walking, maybe say "Good morning/evening"? Do you try to keep conversation going with strangers/acquiantances?

I consider myself friendly, but I'm not much on small talk. I smile though--it's just natural for me to do so. If there's such a thing as a 'Smiler', that'd be me. Nonetheless, most times, I try to avoid people I hardly talk to. I feel awkward talking to them.

 

[Roger]

Yes, i am also very friendly person. I like to make eye-contact with whom i am talking. It makes me feeling great.

 

[Wyst]

I'm usually friendly. Except in the morning until I've had my first cup of tea/coffee.

Then I'm like this:

 

[Eniko]

I'm pretty friendly. I didn't use to be but yanno, I improved myself by force.

 

[Julia]

I am quietly friendly. I smile at people often, make eye-contact less often, and talk less often than that.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

Gloomy, you are super-duper cute. I feel like you should be creating a video tutorial on this subject. Please. Kthx.
*scampers off*

Ha, that actually would be fun! But seriously, try looking up body language stuff on youtube to see if you can find anything -- there might be something worthwhile up there somewhere.

I'm usually friendly. Except in the morning until I've had my first cup of tea/coffee.

Then I'm like this:

Hey! That's me too!

 

[Questingpoet]

Yes, I have always come off as kind and friendly. For most of my life, I have had that "happy go lucky" type of mindset and vibe that people naturally pick up on, even though I am still not all that outgoing. I have no problem with eye contact now (with the rare exception to a couple stiuations anyways). I can force myself to be an "E" when the situation calls for it, or when I get offended or see injustice. No one will ever mistake me for an extrovert though.

I exude a quiet friendliness that most people seem to like. As Sumone said though, watch out. There are those who will mistake that for weakness, and try to take advantage. Luckily we have our Ni to warn us about those types.

 

[Gaze]

It also depends on why you're doing it? Reasons for being friendly usually include simply being polite, basic consideration of course, to initiate an interaction with someone, establish a connection or relationship with someone, strategically to get information about a subject, to encourage the person to reveal info about themselves, to understand someone, determine their motives, etc. It goes on and on, but there are different reasons to be friendly, and it can be daunting depending on what you believe your purpose is or should be when being friendly.

 

[CarrotPoet]

Can you prove with evidence that eye contact is directly related to friendliness? I am friendly, but I do not naturally make and hold eye contact.

I think it has a big effect on how you are perceived by people, esp if they are "plugged into" the "standard" society that is so ubiquitous... Personally, I don't judge if someone is not making eye contact with me. I usually assume it helps them think if they don't have someone peering into them.

 

[CarrotPoet]

I'm friendly! It takes a while to build up the confidence, though, and that's the part that's not necessarily natural for INFJs.

My pointers:

Remember, if you say "good morning" to strangers with a smile when they pass, they may give you weird looks. However, that's mostly because it's not as common as it should be. It's uncomfortable at times, but few people dislike others because they greeted them Don't let that get you down!

If you smile and ask someone how they are doing, generally they will react positively unless they are having a bad day or are just generally grumpy. If you give a person the opening to talk about themselves and how they feel, they will either do so or they won't. Take the cue as to their reaction on whether to continue or not. But remember, if they react negatively, it's rarely because of you -- it's usually because they're having a bad day. Just stay positive and go about your business.

Weather, other person's day, common experiences (what is the setting?), or other common tidbits are good conversation starters. One of the hardest parts is getting going.

Eye contact doesn't necessarily have to be constant -- in fact, sometimes you can avoid it altogether. Just try not to look down or lower your eyes (that shows submissiveness, shyness, uneasiness, nervousness -- it kind of closes you up. People react like mirrors; if you're uneasy, they may very well become uneasy too). I usually look at their mouth/lips, forehead, etc. when I don't really feel comfortable with direct eye contact.

Watch your posture. Body language says a lot. Back straight, head high, shoulders perky, and a smile really says "I'm confident and inviting" even if you're not really. Learning how to control your own body language can help you control your situations, and, sometimes, even how you yourself react to a situation.

These are some good points. Thanks!

 

[Arg]

If you're not an utter moron I'll like you. If you are (and I've found a few on this site) then I'll just laugh in your face and ignore you. Regardless I'll let shit ride unless someone goes out of their way to screw with me.

 

[Quest]

I'm friendly once you get to know me, but otherwise, I'm a very guarded person who comes off as cold and unapproachable. Certain types of people annoy me so I do my best to put up a wall between myself and them. I usually ignore people who walk past me and don't say hi or good morning unless I really know them. Sometimes I just smile out of courtesy. I also have the habit of avoiding even people I am fairly acquainted with in public. I just pretend I didn't see them and go about my day.

So I guess I'm not the best person to offer tips on how to be friendly.

Same with me. The second part I underlined, I used to do that. Some people'll say I'm too serious, I look mean, other times I've heard that I look sad. Some days I just don't feel like talking much. Other times I don't think I know how to appear friendly and I'm bad at faking things. I'm not a happy-go-luck type of person. I wish I could be at times, but I'm not. Many people, I think, get the wrong impression of me when they first meet me.

But I've been trying harder to appear more friendly and approachable to people -because I really am. I just have to work at showing it more, but at the same time keep being guarded and watch my back a.t.t.

 

[Quinlan]

No