There are a lot of things that I might find attractive about a person. And if I feel intimidated by them it
Are you ever intimidated by very attractive people?
- Thread starter Gaze
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Not especially. I'm mostly intimidated by people who are in a position of authority, and people who seem dangerous, assertive, or untrustworthy.
Intimidated by people because they're objectively attractive? Or because I'm attracted to them? These are two very different questions, because I rarely develop infatuations.
Definite NO to the first. The second can make me nervous though.
Definite NO to the first. The second can make me nervous though.
If we're talking about physical and psychological attractiveness, then...maybe? Then again, not really. I take pleasure in treating everyone as an equal, especially if most people wouldn't see it that way. That means treating a five year old kid with the same deference (or lack thereof) and respect as the president of my college, who is probably the most knowledgeable man I've ever met in my entire life. I think having a genuine internalized belief that everyone's on equal footing makes it difficult to find much of anyone intimidating.
I suspect that another cause of intimidation might be expectations or desires. If you expect or desire that this attractive person will find you attractive in some way, be impressed by you, not think you're stupid, or whatever else, then you get anxious. And anxiety is the emotional root of the cognitive evaluation that someone is intimidating. In this case, the key is to let go of the outcome.
WARNING: This is not Buddhism 101! This does not mean you should eradicate your desire to make them find you attractive or whatever. It simply means that you should open, honest, and accepting with yourself and tell yourself that maybe they'll find you attractive, and maybe they won't, but either way, you'll be fine. If you can become comfortable with rejection and failure, you can actually enjoy trying to do whatever it is you're trying to do. Intimidation will be replaced by a sense of play.
When you suffer pain, rejection, failure, or whatever else in life, just remember these wise words from Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius:
I've never felt intimidated by anyone...only paranoid of not presenting myself appropriately. I know the more attracted to someone I am the more crazy stimuli my brain has to process, making it more difficult to actually present a sane me to that particular person. Once I get the mind to slow down, everything feels rather pleasant.
Hahaha I do the exact same thing. I've never used the word "collect" out loud though, for fear of creeping people out or making them think I see them as collectibles instead of as individual human beings. It's very important to me to connect with everyone on personal level. I do my best to avoid treating people like the role they're playing (waiter for instance) or like they're past self.
But yes, when I find someone attractive/interesting/admirable, I want them in my "collection," and I'll work to get them there if need be.
Yes, I shriek everytime I look in the mirror.
I have been really hurt by attractive people because most of the time they pick on me because I'm not attractive at first glance and even less so when people really find out about me.
Not alone. I've always felt unattractive or at least not attractive enough to those i thought were very attractive. I always felt on some level that i couldn't match up, so i hated myself for it. I felt less and i developed quite a bit of self consciousness and social awkwardness as a result. In the last year, few months, i've changed my perceptions. I think once i started to avoid social/physical comparisons and not deem myself less, i let go of some of these perceptions.
I still struggle a little with this, but i don't kid myself either. I don't think i'm very attractive (and i'm not looking for comments to say otherwise), but i'm realizing it's better to be comfortable with myself than for anyone to be comfortable with me or find me attractive. Not an easy road, but it's working.
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I have to admit that yes I am intimidated by highly attractive people that look like they just stepped off a glossy fashion magazine, I will instinctively feel like I am lacking in that way but then I will remind myself that hey that superficial crap does not matter and that they are just as flawed as I am and then it passes. It just sometimes kicks in automatically, hate that.