Your Personal Reputation
- Thread starter Flavus Aquila
- Start date
Yes, this is me too. There is a big difference.
Have you ever had a difficult time explaining the difference to another?
I get asked in conversation quite often "aren't you lonely"? It's like it's expected that I should be since I spend so much time alone, lol.
With undeserved good reputation, I'm flattered and really take it to heart to try and become what I'm believed to be. I have had colleagues tell me I'm "One of the good ones" in a field with high turnover and little delivery. I'm not bragging. I don't think I'm in that category-- I make lots of mistakes...but it's in the back of my mind to always try and perform as the best because I don't want to let someone down. If I do my job well, others can work more smoothly and the clients have an easier time. I have also had a former colleague accuse me behind my back to another co-worker (I was in the next flipping cubicle) of being incapable because I'm "too quiet" (I've posted about that here before). That really made me very angry, and I felt the best way to get back at her was to make her look stupid by proving her wrong. And I did. I rose to her challenge and it made me better, so I don't begrudge her... Maybe I'm a little glad she prejudged me. We ended up having a good relationship after that. Maybe because I won her esteem.
I am quiet and keep to myself, careful not to share personal details with colleagues. I try to maintain a low profile. A malicious rumor would hurt my feelings and I would just learn not to trust those that took part in it, and to stay clear. It is easier to get along in all areas of life when people hold you in positive regard.
I am quiet and keep to myself, careful not to share personal details with colleagues. I try to maintain a low profile. A malicious rumor would hurt my feelings and I would just learn not to trust those that took part in it, and to stay clear. It is easier to get along in all areas of life when people hold you in positive regard.
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agree with @Jet - Not really a choice. Your job and your responsibilities in society requires you to have a reputation, like it or not. Especially, if you're in public role or position where you're judged or watched constantly. You have to care.
Is your reputation something important? - To me, it's only important in that I don't want to be seen as mean or rude to others. However, I do want to feel I have a right to my own feelings without it affecting my reputation. Unfortunately, rarely do these things coincide. There are many things I wish I could do without worrying how it would affect my reputation. But something tells me, I'd still feel shame on some level. If something I do, makes me lose self respect and dignity, which also affects reputation, then yes, I'm going to care.
Does it require much thought/effort? Yes, all the time. I had a work meeting tonight, and was sick. I didn't have a lot of social energy tonight, and that made me appear not so friendly, because I was trying to keep to myself to avoid speaking too much (lost voice, so barely able to speak). This made me wonder a bit. Funny enough though, I didn't care as much about hurting anyone's feelings. What I cared about was how it make me look. I know, very hypocritical. How someone could misinterpret my quiet or silence, meaning how this could make me come across to others, bothered me more. I had to work harder as the evening went on to appear more friendly, though I couldn't say much. But it didn't make me care about how they feel about me as a person. That's irrelevant.
How does undeserved reputation (good or bad) affect you? - Undeserved good reputation can make you feel entitled and snobbish, so you may expect more considerations and better treatment, without earning it. It can also make you feel better about your abilities, make you feel you are more capable than you previously thought. Undeserved bad rep has neg consequences. It often happens from misunderstandings and also because we live in a very visual culture where people don't always have the complete picture but will often judge things from appearance, and don't make as much effort to see beyond. But then, it's seen as your responsibility (unfair as it may be) to overturn the bad rep. Even if you did nothing wrong, people will still see it as your responsibility to overturn "their" false negative impressions. If you don't broadcast how great you are, people think you're not that great or have much to offer. If you broadcast yourself too much, people will see you as having an ego problem (narcissistic?)
Any other interesting thoughts about reputation? - I often feel guilty knowing I care about my reputation more because of how something makes me seen, and how that could affect my chances of an opportunity heading my way, knowing otherwise, if I didn't need that opp, I wouldn't care. Positive rep is not always a good thing, because people will use this to expect a lot, maybe too much of you, expecting the world of you, even expecting you to be perfect because of that great rep. But this sometimes means, you fall harder. People are more critical when you're no longer the perfect person they've envisioned. We expect people with great rep to be flawless, while ignoring that they are still human. We expect them to be good or great at all things. I'd rather have a moderate than great rep. I'm always worried I'll end up seriously disappointing someone who had a high opinion of me.
Is your reputation something important? - To me, it's only important in that I don't want to be seen as mean or rude to others. However, I do want to feel I have a right to my own feelings without it affecting my reputation. Unfortunately, rarely do these things coincide. There are many things I wish I could do without worrying how it would affect my reputation. But something tells me, I'd still feel shame on some level. If something I do, makes me lose self respect and dignity, which also affects reputation, then yes, I'm going to care.
Does it require much thought/effort? Yes, all the time. I had a work meeting tonight, and was sick. I didn't have a lot of social energy tonight, and that made me appear not so friendly, because I was trying to keep to myself to avoid speaking too much (lost voice, so barely able to speak). This made me wonder a bit. Funny enough though, I didn't care as much about hurting anyone's feelings. What I cared about was how it make me look. I know, very hypocritical. How someone could misinterpret my quiet or silence, meaning how this could make me come across to others, bothered me more. I had to work harder as the evening went on to appear more friendly, though I couldn't say much. But it didn't make me care about how they feel about me as a person. That's irrelevant.
How does undeserved reputation (good or bad) affect you? - Undeserved good reputation can make you feel entitled and snobbish, so you may expect more considerations and better treatment, without earning it. It can also make you feel better about your abilities, make you feel you are more capable than you previously thought. Undeserved bad rep has neg consequences. It often happens from misunderstandings and also because we live in a very visual culture where people don't always have the complete picture but will often judge things from appearance, and don't make as much effort to see beyond. But then, it's seen as your responsibility (unfair as it may be) to overturn the bad rep. Even if you did nothing wrong, people will still see it as your responsibility to overturn "their" false negative impressions. If you don't broadcast how great you are, people think you're not that great or have much to offer. If you broadcast yourself too much, people will see you as having an ego problem (narcissistic?)
Any other interesting thoughts about reputation? - I often feel guilty knowing I care about my reputation more because of how something makes me seen, and how that could affect my chances of an opportunity heading my way, knowing otherwise, if I didn't need that opp, I wouldn't care. Positive rep is not always a good thing, because people will use this to expect a lot, maybe too much of you, expecting the world of you, even expecting you to be perfect because of that great rep. But this sometimes means, you fall harder. People are more critical when you're no longer the perfect person they've envisioned. We expect people with great rep to be flawless, while ignoring that they are still human. We expect them to be good or great at all things. I'd rather have a moderate than great rep. I'm always worried I'll end up seriously disappointing someone who had a high opinion of me.
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Have you ever had a difficult time explaining the difference to another?
I get asked in conversation quite often "aren't you lonely"? It's like it's expected that I should be since I spend so much time alone, lol.
I've never had to explain it. I guess I would say there is nothing missing so I'm comfortable being alone. IDK. How do you explain it? I could say I'm awesome and would rather hang out with myself than a gaggle of douche bags...
I usually tell folks I don't mind my own company. I like me ... Wish there were two of me so we could talk, lol, people look at you odd if they see you talking to yourself
I usually tell folks I don't mind my own company. I like me ... Wish there were two of me so we could talk, lol, people look at you odd if they see you talking to yourself
Oh the things I would talk about with another me...
...really though, I'd probably just circle jerk myself...
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Some people just don't value the discussion, and I think that's fine. But that's my selfish perspective. I rarely discuss things as a means of exploring the concept. I always think to myself about it without valuing the input of others. The INTP way.
I think reputation is important in the sense that it is worth paying attention to. It's data after all.
But I also think that its wise to reserve judgement on the object of the reputation, as reputations are not always accurate representation.
I was raised by old school "conservatives" , who held much stock in reputation and earned respect, and so I learned from an early age to take heed of such notions; however , I also learned from a young age how farcical those exact same notions could be.
I often forget that I have "reputations", but I'm soon reminded of them when I discover that my reputation precedes me. (as is often the case)
I used to be a strong personality, who has gained reputation(s) for being strong, independent, no nonsense, loyal, friendly, helpful, hardworking... and also, violent, destructive, and unfuckwithable.
On both ends of the spectrum things have sometimes been exaggerated, inflated, or just plain untrue.
Shrug.
I am all of things above, depending on who you are, how you treat me - or just simply what mood I'm in- determines what sort of me you get.
I'm naturally laid back, yet quietly assertive (a bit louder online) . But if somebody crosses me , I can be a sadistic bitch.
I can switch between polarities, and I often polarise people.
I have very many friends, and people who want to be my friend.. and I also have a smaller number of "enemies" who find it fun to hate me.
I'm not innocent in life, and I sometimes court chaos for fun.
I can live with the consequences, mostly. I'm honest and true, and when it comes down to the bottom line, I know I'm a protector and defender... and that is why people gravitate towards me, kinks included.
But I also think that its wise to reserve judgement on the object of the reputation, as reputations are not always accurate representation.
I was raised by old school "conservatives" , who held much stock in reputation and earned respect, and so I learned from an early age to take heed of such notions; however , I also learned from a young age how farcical those exact same notions could be.
I often forget that I have "reputations", but I'm soon reminded of them when I discover that my reputation precedes me. (as is often the case)
I used to be a strong personality, who has gained reputation(s) for being strong, independent, no nonsense, loyal, friendly, helpful, hardworking... and also, violent, destructive, and unfuckwithable.
On both ends of the spectrum things have sometimes been exaggerated, inflated, or just plain untrue.
Shrug.
I am all of things above, depending on who you are, how you treat me - or just simply what mood I'm in- determines what sort of me you get.
I'm naturally laid back, yet quietly assertive (a bit louder online) . But if somebody crosses me , I can be a sadistic bitch.
I can switch between polarities, and I often polarise people.
I have very many friends, and people who want to be my friend.. and I also have a smaller number of "enemies" who find it fun to hate me.
I'm not innocent in life, and I sometimes court chaos for fun.
I can live with the consequences, mostly. I'm honest and true, and when it comes down to the bottom line, I know I'm a protector and defender... and that is why people gravitate towards me, kinks included.
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D
Deleted member 10171
Is your reputation something important?
Yes
Does it require much thought/effort?
Absolutely not - it's effortless.
How does undeserved reputation (good or bad) affect you?
All depends on each and every situation.
If the negative reputation is being communicated by someone that I don't particularly respect then I'm not fussed or affected by them - I can dismiss it and generally not be bothered by it. The truth has a habit of surfacing - so I leave it to providence.
If I go out of my way to explain or clarify a situation (because I have been wrongly represented) then it generally means that you're someone that I like and your opinion of me is important....but I won't exhaust myself by trying to convince you....I will leave that to your discretion.
Any other interesting thoughts about reputation?
Always curious about people who don't care about their reputation - why?
Yes
Does it require much thought/effort?
Absolutely not - it's effortless.
How does undeserved reputation (good or bad) affect you?
All depends on each and every situation.
If the negative reputation is being communicated by someone that I don't particularly respect then I'm not fussed or affected by them - I can dismiss it and generally not be bothered by it. The truth has a habit of surfacing - so I leave it to providence.
If I go out of my way to explain or clarify a situation (because I have been wrongly represented) then it generally means that you're someone that I like and your opinion of me is important....but I won't exhaust myself by trying to convince you....I will leave that to your discretion.
Any other interesting thoughts about reputation?
Always curious about people who don't care about their reputation - why?
It is very important to me. You could say I'm a sucker for it, for good and bad.
To me, I would say not so much. It's not like I spend a lot of time trying to hone who I want to be, I rather get a sense for who I want to be in a situation and adhere to it, and that isn't something I actively put much effort into. The danger, I think, is when we get so shoe'd in on who we want to be in relation to something that we no longer reflect over the situation.
I don't feel like I get this a lot -negative that is-. I usually try to straighten out misconceptions, but I'd have to think more about this one.
Maybe more so on identity and I could elaborate on that too, but it is a bit off topic rn.
I think there is much that could be said, and I will have to read through the other answers too.
- Sep 28, 2008
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I have no idea what the fuck my reputation is and never have. It sort of bothers me, but I sorta don't give a shit either.
Also, since it is you making this thread I assume there is a political undertone to this. I'm not with you politically, but I do think the concept to uphold reputation is something very important to address and should be brought up a lot more. Political correctness and saving face I think is a bigger issue than many people realize, but I actually think this goes both ways. Being crude for the sake of it is just as much dodging a real conversation, but I digress maybe I get off topic now. I'd hate to have initiated yet another political thread
You sure this is not just part of your identity and reputation?
- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,240
- 246,772
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
Some people are more focused on reputation than others. There's nothing especially political about that.Also, since it is you making this thread I assume there is a political undertone to this. I'm not with you politically, but I do think the concept to uphold reputation is something very important to address and should be brought up a lot more. Political correctness and saving face I think is a bigger issue than many people realize, but I actually think this goes both ways. Being crude for the sake of it is just as much dodging a real conversation, but I digress maybe I get off topic now. I'd hate to have initiated yet another political thread
I'll probably start a related thread about personal authenticity. The two notions overlap (I'm picturing a Venn diagram). The overlap between people who are both authentic and who cultivate a reputation, is a funny group, who seem to be both boring and interesting.
The other group of interest are people who are both very private and very reputation focused.
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