I keep reading articles all over the Internet saying that INFJs are known for being outsiders and not fitting into society. However, I can't figure out why. I believe I accurately match the type description, but I don't understand how any of the qualities in the description could make me not fit in. So, using the basic description, could someone please post exact reasons why we don't fit in to society, provide concrete examples involving real-world situations to better explain each reason, and provide some solutions for what we can do to the long better. I am tired of reading these doom and gloom articles that only give a pronouncement with no reasons and no solutions. I do believe the pronouncement is true, but I can't understand why.
I'm going to use my own example. I think realizing I was an INFJ, after doing the personality test was such a break-through for me honestly. Because I've kind of always known something was very different about me, compared to other people. Things specifically, like my need to alienate myself sometimes. And that after being extroverted, all the time, I would experience like depressive episodes where I would just cry and really needed to be alone at all costs. Now I've kind of learnt from that - that while I may go out and do things, I definitely need time alone to myself. It's crazy how comfortable I feel being by myself, doing my own thing, even if I am alone for the whole day. And it was things like that that I knew wasn't considered "very common" in society.
As well as another thing that made me so happy was INFJ thing, and not just me, was the INFJ door slam which I have done to so many people, unconsciously, to try not to hurt them further or to protect myself. And I'd always wondered, what was wrong with me. Like why the hell I would do that? And it frustrated me so much. A lot of the relationships I've left, I've been better from, but a lot of them I do regret.
I tend to avoid people avidly who are bad for me. And soon when I detect selfishness or something that could be toxic for me (because I have had people who've used me in the past) and I've closed them off. This, has two consequences. One, that I have very few close friends, and people that I have felt comfortable opening up to. Because of my very private nature, but ability to converse naturally, people think they know about me, but I tend to keep the more serious matters to myself until I am extremely sure I can trust the person. And the second consequence, is that the friends I have are kind of "friends for life" and I know I can trust them at all costs. And they have accepted me through thick and thin.
I also tried to be popular, and was for very short periods of my life, but was so overwhelmed and hated being so extraverted. I think I always wanted different things in life. From a very young age, despite being brought up in kind of a homophobic, racist, but loving (ironically) household, I was very tolerant and accepting. I valued more few and good friendships than many. And I didn't like having fake people in my life, and couldn't stand it when someone deliberately lied to my face.I attended GreenPeace protests, despite unwillingness from my dad to drive me, and I was obsessed with the idea, and I still believe today, that if I haven't touched someone's life, helped someone, or made a difference in the world even to one person, or one animal my existence was a waste.
There are so many other things, I think that I can mention. Another is that, I tended to dwell more in my imagination than in reality. And I never did this consciously. I was very clumsy growing up (and from reading in some places, I saw it might be because as INFJ's we tend to get lost in our mind, and kind of forget our surroundings and reality). and I still can think for such long periods in time, just about alternate realities, or possibilities that I find so intriguing.
Haha so yea, this was my experience as an INFJ. So much more to say, but this was the gist of it.
