Why do we take everything so personally?

S

SpoofyMcPoof

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
I've realized from a recent experience that I take everything very personally. For example, I joined a writing forum and apparently didn't read the critiquing guide well enough because my critiques were rejected and the post of my own writing deleted. After checking the rules more closely (they were extremely complex) I found I was indeed in the wrong. However, all I got from the mod's message was; you're useless, I hate you for wasting my time you peon.

I know he's just doing his job, but I couldn't stop that intense emotional reaction, and even now, against all reason, I'm still very upset. My reaction was to ask him to delete my account.

So do you think this is an INFJ thing? It just seems like things hit me harder than most other people.
 
I do respond to things like that as you described. I often do emotionally respond to things strongly. Sometimes I am able to quickly dissociate from them and make them go away, but at other times I can not. When I can't it is extremely frusterating to me. That is simply because I strive to apply logic to all of my emotions to to determine if they are warranted or not. In a situation like that, I likely would respond the way you did (if not exactly). This is largely because the mistake was realized by the individual. INFJ's strive very strongly for social order and fairness. Thus because in a situation like that where you do realize you made an error, there is nothing that can be said or done. It is the "best" decision to just live with it and agree with it. However due to our emotional nature, we often still feel strongly about it. Largely because we feel guilty with ourselves for not having done the right thing. The "easiest" thing for us to remedy the situation is to simply acknowledge the fault, live with it, and then remove all links to the error. This removal (i.e. you deleting your account) is largely done as a protection mechanism. It's the socially "right" thing to do to prevent any ill impressions on anyone. To stay risks causing others to see us badly, and be unconfortable with our prsence.

That was sort of a round about tangent. Nevertheless, this is a common type of reaction for INFJ's. It comes down to needing to hold on to what is socially the best thing to do, while at the same time acknowlaging our own feelings.
 
I don't think i take everything that personally. I think that I have an ability to separate myself from the emotional side of something that would be personally offensive. I mean, i don't have thick skin, per se, but i feel i can not take everything personally.
 
Maybe because INFJs invest proportionally more emotional energy into the outcome than do other types?

I'm sorry that happened to you, btw. Whether or not you were in the wrong, I can't imagine having your writings rejected being all that pleasant.
 
Yeesh. That's very rude of him to say.

I don't take everything personally - including things other Fs (or people in general) might, but there are some things that when they catch hold of me, cut me very deeply and I don't always know how to react. It's hard when something is that painful. :(

@IndigoSensor -
Nevertheless, this is a common type of reaction for INFJ's. It comes down to needing to hold on to what is socially the best thing to do, while at the same time acknowlaging our own feelings.
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Would you say it's also the case for other NFs and SFs? (Specifically, ENFJs/ESFJs with dominant Fe, and ISFJs?)

Also, interestingly, despite sharing a similar Fe function set, the other 3 types don't seem to employ the doorslam in the way INFJs might. Dyk if that's related?
 
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Yes and no. ExFJ's will be much more likely to "speak up" about these sorts of things and voice how they feel about it. That is a needed outlet for Fe dominants. Without it they begin to stress much much more quickly then IxFJ's. Thus I doubt they would so quickly ask for their account to be deleted. They'd likely be more inclined to rectify their wrong. All F types have the potential to respond badly to such situations. It's just the motivations behind them that will drive the reaction to it.
 
I definitely take certain things very personally, even when I know that rationally speaking, I shouldn't. I find the best thing to do in those situations is remove myself and try to focus on something else for a while until I calm down and my logic can take over.

Sometimes I even take imagined issues personally, which honestly, is kind of ridiculous, and I sort of laugh at myself afterwards when I realize there wasn't anything actually wrong to begin with... :m197:
 
I can really relate to this, I am extremely sensitive to this sort of things. It causes great emotional distraught, to the point of being able to bring me in a stage of depression. I rarely express it, usually bottle in the feeling hoping it will fade away, but it doesn't. This is seen more clearly on my daily life, whenever someone hurts my sensitivities, I usually keep a smile and go with flow on what's going on. Later I retreat, and reflect on it.
 
IndigoSensor said:
The "easiest" thing for us to remedy the situation is to simply acknowledge the fault, live with it, and then remove all links to the error. This removal (i.e. you deleting your account) is largely done as a protection mechanism.
Click to expand...

You know it's kind of interesting that people do this (and I don't think it's limited to INFJs), this rejecting of physical attachments in response to emotional pain, as though without question we assume that one is directly responsible for evoking the other. It reminds me of when people throw out their old toys in response to painful childhood memories, even though technically, they're just toys, and wouldn't directly impinge on how you feel in any way, and their removal wouldn't necessarily make you feel better (though on the other hand, it might, because of your very belief that the two are associated).
Er, that probably doesn't make sense.. and is irrelevant. Sorry :/
 
InnerFlame00 said:
I've realized from a recent experience that I take everything very personally. For example, I joined a writing forum and apparently didn't read the critiquing guide well enough because my critiques were rejected and the post of my own writing deleted. After checking the rules more closely (they were extremely complex) I found I was indeed in the wrong. However, all I got from the mod's message was; you're useless, I hate you for wasting my time you peon.

I know he's just doing his job, but I couldn't stop that intense emotional reaction, and even now, against all reason, I'm still very upset. My reaction was to ask him to delete my account.

So do you think this is an INFJ thing? It just seems like things hit me harder than most other people.
Click to expand...

Well, I know what you feel. I have nothing clever to saa than that most things are not to be taken personally. People just don't always see with our eyes. Try to repeat to yourself: It's not me (or my Schauma:). For example, if you dealing with Ttypes, in most situations it is about subject of discussion, not about you. In my case, it worked, I am less bothered by this problem than before MBTI in my life.
 
And if it is about you and me or anybody personal....., SO WHAT:). There are not so many persons in my life that are important to me so strongly that they can influence me on deeper level.
 
IndigoSensor said:
I do respond to things like that as you described. I often do emotionally respond to things strongly. Sometimes I am able to quickly dissociate from them and make them go away, but at other times I can not. When I can't it is extremely frusterating to me. That is simply because I strive to apply logic to all of my emotions to to determine if they are warranted or not. In a situation like that, I likely would respond the way you did (if not exactly). This is largely because the mistake was realized by the individual. INFJ's strive very strongly for social order and fairness. Thus because in a situation like that where you do realize you made an error, there is nothing that can be said or done. It is the "best" decision to just live with it and agree with it. However due to our emotional nature, we often still feel strongly about it. Largely because we feel guilty with ourselves for not having done the right thing. The "easiest" thing for us to remedy the situation is to simply acknowledge the fault, live with it, and then remove all links to the error. This removal (i.e. you deleting your account) is largely done as a protection mechanism. It's the socially "right" thing to do to prevent any ill impressions on anyone. To stay risks causing others to see us badly, and be unconfortable with our prsence.

That was sort of a round about tangent. Nevertheless, this is a common type of reaction for INFJ's. It comes down to needing to hold on to what is socially the best thing to do, while at the same time acknowlaging our own feelings.
Click to expand...
+1
 
Raccoon Love said:
I can really relate to this, I am extremely sensitive to this sort of things. It causes great emotional distraught, to the point of being able to bring me in a stage of depression. I rarely express it, usually bottle in the feeling hoping it will fade away, but it doesn't. This is seen more clearly on my daily life, whenever someone hurts my sensitivities, I usually keep a smile and go with flow on what's going on. Later I retreat, and reflect on it.
Click to expand...

Yea, INFPs are INFJs on crack emotionally in situations like this.


I can't stand it, and this I literally don't know why I do it.

For example, my boss told me not to be so loud, I know he respects me as a worker *I'm continually being promoted* and thinks I'm a cool dude. I know he meant absolutely nothing personal, and I *was* being way too loud. But I still felt fucking hurt, like shit, and then I hated him more than anything. And the worst part is, is that I knew he meant nothing bad by it. 20 minutes of thinking later and I was calm again.


But yes, we know what you mean INFJ boi.
 
Everyone does this on the internet, no exceptions. Some even try to get this reaction out of someone, which is called trolling or "causing unrest within the community" (mods take note becuse that's a much better way to describe it within the rules).
 
Yeah; happens to me too. Partly like Indy said; the pressure of not doing the good thing is heavy on me. The other part is related; it's the promise of future fucked-up ness; of it snowballing into an avalanche. And then CUE panicking, upset on WHY did they see it and WHY, and...various things that is not really pretty in nature.
 
I take certain things personally because they make me question the person or myself.

For example: at work, my boss called me to one side after 5 weeks and told me a whole list of complaints he had. That was okay, but I couldn't help thinking WHY didn't he tell me this earlier so I could have avoided doing things wrong, and what kind of person was he if he held things back until he had a long list that made you feel small because of its length?
I felt that, if I had an outline, it would have been turned from straight lines to squiggles and that was very upsetting.
It didn't help that the same guy was very unpleasant when I'd had time off due to illness and injury (and I said I'd get a doctor's note). He asked if I 'was ever coming back'.
Can you tell I'm still not happy about it? XD
 
wow, what an arse. I hate it when mods aren't objective and when they can't help being rude to people, power will go to anyone's head honestly.

I do take things personally a lot of the time, but I can also hide it. I'm the sort of person who will sulk over something, get depressed and cry a lot before approaching the person who's done something to offend or upset me. Things hurt me easily, but I don't have the will, or something to be able to confront people about it.

I think it comes down to the fact that feelings are a lot more important to us. I have many INTJ friends and they never get as upset as I do, and when all's said and done, we're almost 75% the same.
 
Trifoilum said:
Yeah; happens to me too. Partly like Indy said; the pressure of not doing the good thing is heavy on me. The other part is related; it's the promise of future fucked-up ness; of it snowballing into an avalanche. And then CUE panicking, upset on WHY did they see it and WHY, and...various things that is not really pretty in nature.
Click to expand...
Yus, this is me exactly. The best way I cope with this is avoiding situations where I can get into this sort of mess in the first place, or just always being prepared for the worst. If you've already imagined the worst outcome the reality doesn't have as much impact. Also, I am very very weary of what I say, since almost always, someone will be offended so I prepare for that at all times. I don't really stop what I say, I just assume it'll always turn out badly.
 
As a species we have an over-developed sense of "I".
 
IndigoSensor said:
I do respond to things like that as you described. I often do emotionally respond to things strongly. Sometimes I am able to quickly dissociate from them and make them go away, but at other times I can not. When I can't it is extremely frusterating to me. That is simply because I strive to apply logic to all of my emotions to to determine if they are warranted or not. In a situation like that, I likely would respond the way you did (if not exactly). This is largely because the mistake was realized by the individual. INFJ's strive very strongly for social order and fairness. Thus because in a situation like that where you do realize you made an error, there is nothing that can be said or done. It is the "best" decision to just live with it and agree with it. However due to our emotional nature, we often still feel strongly about it. Largely because we feel guilty with ourselves for not having done the right thing. The "easiest" thing for us to remedy the situation is to simply acknowledge the fault, live with it, and then remove all links to the error. This removal (i.e. you deleting your account) is largely done as a protection mechanism. It's the socially "right" thing to do to prevent any ill impressions on anyone. To stay risks causing others to see us badly, and be unconfortable with our prsence.

That was sort of a round about tangent. Nevertheless, this is a common type of reaction for INFJ's. It comes down to needing to hold on to what is socially the best thing to do, while at the same time acknowlaging our own feelings.
Click to expand...

This seems to be a pretty apt explanation. After all, I've unconsciously pushed away potential love interests before because of the same reasoning. I guess the logic is; if you don't let anything in it can't hurt you. Of course things sneak in anyway (my tricksy boyfriend for example).

It's good to see that I'm not alone in my crazy emotional reactions. sometimes they make me feel a bit isolated, especially since no one else I know in my day to day life reacts exactly like I do. When I was younger I was sure there was something wrong with me.
 
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