Why do we take everything so personally?

[MindYourHead]

I've been told many times by others I take things too personally.
It can be the most innocuous comment that will set me off.
Sometimes I am even puzzled as to why I feel the way I do since I can step back from the situation and realize nothing was meant by it, but it will still feel like I was stabbed in the heart.

I easily accept my mistakes. If I screwed up, I am willing to take the blame.
But, if someone questions my motives or procedure in accomplishing a task I tend to take it very personally.

 

[Nixie]

I think that everybody has these types of feelings. The difference is that many people have very little emotional intelligence or censor their emotions. It seems strange to you Feelers but not everybody wants to express and allow free reign to their emotions. However, it is much healthier to allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than bottle them up or ignore them. The trade off would be that you Feel more because you have worked to bring depth and breadth to your emotional aspect.

 

[Ecton]

Wow, I can relate to the stories posted here and agree with the role Fe plays in why this bothers us. Its an odd juxtaposition against the need for independant thought of Ni, isn't it. Always such a strange internal struggle between innate independance and the desire to connect...

I've been reading a self esteem self help book (even though I normally shy away from self help books) and they put it this way:

1) Bottom Line: A threatening belief about the self one tries to keep buried.
2) Rules for living: Unhealthy rules one establishes to avoid exposing the bottom line, like avoidance or over-compensation.

For those of you with decent self esteem, you probably recover from these dissappointments alright. Id love to emulate what you do. In the end your self value will fluctuate but remain strong.

But if some has a self esteem concern, like me, has a bottom line belief about worthlessness to others, and is an INFJ needing to have their Ni vlidated by a group, then this can be the big cause of anxiety and sadness. Im still searching for a healthy answer.

 

[aeon]

Yeesh. That's very rude of him to say.

wow, what an arse. I hate it when mods aren't objective and when they can't help being rude to people, power will go to anyone's head honestly.

Reread the OP again. We don't actually know what the mod said.

---

I tend not to take things personally. Oftentimes, I will not take personally things that most might, or even things that were meant to be taken as such.

I do tend to react in anger to invalidation.


cheers,
Ian

 

[Billy]

It can be an INFJ thing, I dont usually respond that way, not to people I dont know. The only people who can really affect my mood are the people in my life. Outside of them, I usually dont take anything personally.

 

[Jill Hives]

I do tend to react in anger to invalidation.

This, a hundred times this. If someone says something that invalidates my emotions or point of view (even if it was unintentional), I will be extremely hurt if it is someone I am really close to, and have issues opening up to them emotionally again for a long time. If it is anyone else, I will be so pissed at them I will probably avoid them to the point whatever relationship we had will fade away into nothing.

Not even kidding either.

 

[Faye]

I'm the same way. I get extremely upset and want to leave.

It is at least partially an INFJ, although INFPs can get very upset and hurt in their own way too.

I don't know what the best advice for dealing with it is. Usually, I just become apathetic.

 

[arbygil]

It depends on what's said and what my mood is when it comes to taking things personally. I may catalog things in my head, but I tend not to take things so personally unless I'm under stress, or unless this person has done similar things consistently over time. Then I'll probably get a little angry as well. That's when I may "doorslam" someone, due to consistent behavioral issues.

As to invalidation, well... unfortunately I see myself in a lot of those invalidating catchphrases, per that website link. :/ I don't like being isolated, but a lot of those phrases (again per the website) that supposedly invalidate folks don't bother me at all, and they don't make me feel invalidated. I'd see them as a chance to discuss emotions further, and maybe have me ask more questions, but it won't hurt my feelings if someone says I'm just being silly about something. I have to investigate my feelings, but once I rationally look at it, I may agree with them.

Maybe I see it as less deliberate, or maybe I'm too insensitive to invalidation. :\

 

[Odyne]

Like many have already said here, the reason why feelers take things personally is that because they emotionally invest in the projects they are pursuing. They pick up a project because it appeals to who they are, how they feel instead of how they think, and so when the project gets shut down, it feels as part of themselves was rejected or attacked.

Detaching yourself form the situation can sometimes help, but I just want to point out that detaching too much from the situation will also cause one to lose perspective. Something's should be taken personally. If he was rude then you have every right to be upset. I can also comment on the way the moderation should have been done, but it's not our forum, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

In all seriousness tho, I don't think only feelers would get upset in such a situation, I think a thinker would also feel incompetent because they didn't read the rules from the beginning. In this case, if I were in your shoes I would be upset too, but I wouldn't ask for my account to be deleted. I think I would give them a harder time, drive them crazy and then get banned. lol

Nobody likes it when they do something wrong and they're told about it, but it takes some getting used to. =)