When to say I love you in a relationship?

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Forest Dweller

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Just give me your short response, I'm thinking of saying it for about the fourth time in my life, I'd like to beat her to the punch, but not jump the gun. We're both middle-aged, divorced, and with kids, and have had a quickly developing relationship. And for you MBTI fans, she's ESFJ with E and S close to the middle.
 
Whenever you feel like it.
 
When it's true
 
I think that when you feel it, that time is right.

I also think that you should ask yourself some questions before doing it, like:

Do I expect her to say it back?
What will change if I say it, and do I want something to change by saying it?
 
I admire your courage. I've had some wonderful relationships here and there over the past 20 years, but I have never been able to say those precise words. In the end, it just wasn't so. Hmmmm, maybe I got broken somewhere along the line.
 
When you mean it, and you know it more than anything. When you can't help but say it because it's screaming to be said.
 
I usually wait at least 5 minutes. I don't like to rush.
 
I prefer to wait it out a little bit, some people feel an urge of biology to say it a month or a few weeks in, thats typically just lust and obsession talking. Love is more of a decision IMO then a physical feeling, a decision to make things work and a decision to work towards a future. And even though no one can say when its best for you to say it, only you know for sure, a good benchmark time period is 3-6 months. From what I have seen anyway.
 
What I think is this; It's just words. You can say them at any time, even when you don't mean it. Now before you say "oh Chaz you're such a romantic" I believe that there's other ways to show you that you love them without using the word that I use to describe my relationship with chocolate.

It's still good to say it as often as possible, because it's nice to hear, especially if they mean it. And you'll know if they do.
 
88chaz88 said:
What I think is this; It's just words. You can say them at any time, even when you don't mean it. Now before you say "oh Chaz you're such a romantic" I believe that there's other ways to show you that you love them without using the word that I use to describe my relationship with chocolate.

It's still good to say it as often as possible, because it's nice to hear, especially if they mean it. And you'll know if they do.
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I LOVE YOU CHAZ
 
Sometimes you just have to take risks in life. Falling in love is one of those times.
 
I hate saying it. It'd be easy if I didn't love the person I was wanted to say it to, but I don't see why I'd want to say it then.

But you know, actually loving another human being is quite frightening. To let someone so close is to make yourself vulnerable, and there is a radiance to those words. It is a white light that shows the horrible fragility and artifice of identity: in a state illuminated by that light even the silghtest cold breeze might shatter everything and leave it for entropy to feast on.

At least that's how it feels like to me. But I try to use those words sometimes, because I know I should and I know I wouldn't actually die.
 
When she's not putting out and your balls are going to explode.
 
Billy said:
I prefer to wait it out a little bit, some people feel an urge of biology to say it a month or a few weeks in, thats typically just lust and obsession talking. Love is more of a decision IMO then a physical feeling, a decision to make things work and a decision to work towards a future. And even though no one can say when its best for you to say it, only you know for sure, a good benchmark time period is 3-6 months. From what I have seen anyway.
Click to expand...

It's not lust and obsession talking for everyone. For us it was honestly a couple of days in; we were engaged three weeks after dating, and honestly although we were forced to become long distance afterward we knew we truly did love each other from the very point we said it.

One of our friends was horrified; I think she was an ISTJ and she told us it was wrong to say I love you until at least a year into the relationship... I think it took her three years if I remember correctly...
 
In some ways she may even already know this without you telling her. I have always known how someone felt about me even before they say it to me. In any case, make it special and memorable when you say it.

Good Luck:m032:
 
When the other person is taking way too long to tell you they love you!

I joke. Uhm, whenever you actually mean it. If you wait too long, it may be too late. If you say it before you mean it, you'll just be playing games with her heart. So just say it when it feels right.
 
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