What should someone do or say when you're having a bad day? | INFJ Forum

What should someone do or say when you're having a bad day?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Nov 13, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    Sometimes, it's easy for someone to say or do the wrong thing when we're having a bad day, even with the best of intentions.

    So, What should someone do or say when you're having a bad day? Or what should they NOT do or say when you're having a bad day?

    :m082:
     
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  2. sassafras

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    Hmm.
     
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    #2 sassafras, Nov 13, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2009
  3. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    When I am in a bad mood, people should just stay the F away from me.

    If they feel that strongly that they need to comfort me, then they should sit beside me, and not say a word. This is in terms of a significant other. If it is just a friend, just let me be please.
     
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  4. Solar Empath

    Solar Empath Community Member

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    Yup. A hug wouldn't hurt either, but not more than one. Just keep the comfort short and to the point.
     
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  5. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    It depends on what kind of bad day I'm having and why. Generally, just an "I understand" and a listening ear is good. A hug is always nice, and appreciated--but that's just me. I don't like hugs from someone I don't know well though. We're all down with that I think.
     
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  6. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Step one: Listen to the problem(s), and my explanation about why I am having a stressful day.

    Step two: Say "I love you Ruby, you're the best friend ever! Seriously!" Or a sentiment along those lines. Don't get too down and emotional, that's a turn off and it feels like more added stress. If you just say a superficial sounding comment that anyone could say but I know you're saying it because you really mean it, it calms me down a bit.

    Step three: Change the topic, by using a line such as "Oh my god, guess what text Cheech just send me," and then merge off into a story or about something exciting to you.

    My friend Janessa invented this method- I only noticed this method after a number of times of wondering 'what exactly is it that she does to make me feel alright, why can't anyone else do this?'. Well, the ENFP has some mad skills, is why.
     
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  7. Top cat

    Top cat Permanent Fixture

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    I would rather be left alone too.

    If it's a SO, I think showing that you are happy to see me is enough to lift my mood ^^ I could forget everything
     
  8. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Friend: "Having a bad day?"
    Me: "Yeah."
    Friend: "Sucks."
    Me: "yeah."
    Friend: "If you wanna talk .... "
    Me: "Thank you."
    Hug

    What NOT to say:

    "What the hell is wrong with you?"
    "Oh Boo Hoo, somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed?"
    "You look like hell!"
    "Cheer up!"
     
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  9. OP
    Gaze

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    Especially this one. It can be a bit irritating when someone tells me that I should cheer up or think positively, because life could be worse. Of course, there's always the possibility that life could be worse. This doesn't mean that what someone is going through is any less significant or difficult.
     
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  10. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    Type me.
    Don't touch me.

    Don't tell me to smile.

    That'll be all, thanks.
     
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  11. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    If I'm having a bad day:

    Friend: Everything ok?

    Me: Yeah...

    Partner: What's wrong honey?

    Me: Not sure how to say, but..., k, I'll try and talk about it with you...




    Friend: Ok, I understand. I know you'll talk about it when your ready, and just give me a call if you want to talk to me about it, ok?...

    Me: yea thanks for understanding...

    Partner: Awe, my baby's sad... *hugs me*

    Me: Thanks hun...



    What NOT to do or say:

    "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

    "O well," ... (change topic)

    "Toughen up and quit your pity party"

    "I don't know why you care..."
     
    #11 Ria, Nov 13, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2009
  12. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    1. notice that there is something wrong (most people don't see it)
    2. allow me to feel bad and don't judge me or try to make me feel "happy"
    3. just say: "I know there is somehting troubling you, if you want to talk to me, I'm always there for you, just let me know"

    YES that will lift the curse.
    Or I forget it and am happy again OR I burst into tears
     
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    #12 Morgain, Nov 13, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2009
  13. Sithious

    Sithious Well-known member

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    Buy them an expensive gift and tell them to never mention it again
     
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  14. sookie

    On Holiday

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    I want people to say "Don't worry it will be o.k" or "That happened to me on time."
     
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  15. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    What I end up wanting is a hug from someone I care about. Yet, I am almost always too afraid to ask for any kind of help. As such I never get any. Other then all that, I want to be left alone.
     
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  16. NeverAmI

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    Sometimes I am super depressed or sad and it would be VERY good to have someone to talk to. Maybe then it would be ok for someone to lend a listening ear.

    However, too many times, I have sought to talk to someone, and they completely misunderstand what I am saying, then I feel like I have to explain every little detail and it adds a whole new layer of frustration to my mood. Or they tell me all the crap I already know trying to give me advice which I don't want or need to hear. I don't want crap advice, I guess you will never know if their advice is good or not unless you talk though. It just drains me so much.


    Strangely enough, people telling me to get over it does help. Although I REALLY don't like to hear it. I tell myself that a lot too.
     
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  17. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    Hug me and don't let go.
     
  18. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I totally understand the part about getting misunderstood and having to re-explain. This is especially frustrating when you have been with someone long enough that you feel they should "get" you by then. It's like, My god how can you not understand what I am saying and feeling after YEARS. I got you long ago!
     
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  19. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

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    Helpful:

    Look me in the eye and simply say "I'm here if you want to talk". This gives me the option because sometimes I'm stubborn and don't like to divulge my problems if I don't feel that anyone will offer anything to help the situation. Also, if I refuse, then I don't seem like I'm just being sour. Looking me in the eye typically expresses general concern, and if it does not, at least I'll be able to tell.

    Not Helpful:

    Ask me my problems and proceed to tell me why they don't make any sense. Obviously we see things differently, and proposing your alternate point of view isn't really going to do much.
    Say anything to out loud that will draw lots of attention to me. I don't want people who don't understand me to pretend like they care. (What a shame, one of the few people that really gets me is an ESTP and empathy is not one of her two emotions)
    Don't tell me to smile.
    Don't tell me it will be alright. You just don't know that.
    Hugs can be alright but don't make a scene.

    Awesome thread idea. :)

    I mostly just like to know someone cares. I may choose to speak about it or not, considering I hate to sound like I'm being whiny.
     
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  20. myst

    myst Community Member

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    I want someone to encourage me to talk and to listen and empathize for as long as I want to talk. Hugs are good. If you disagree with my point of view, say so very gently and considerately.

    I don't like:
    -being ignored, although if it's someone I don't know well I wouldn't want to talk a lot.
    -trying to debate with me about the problem.
    -giving me dead silence or changing the topic right away
     
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