What do you want in a romantic partner? | INFJ Forum

What do you want in a romantic partner?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Dec 24, 2009.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Most people don't seem to know what they want in a mate.

    Are looks really all that important? Do you want someone extremely attractive, about the same looks as yourself, or ugly? Do they have to be fit?

    What emotional traits would you need from a romantic partner? Honesty? Loyalty? Empathy? Do you want public disclosure of intimacy? Do they have to hold hands with you, kiss you, and hug you all the time?

    How social should they be? Do you want someone to stay home with you all day? To go out on the town as a couple all the time? To join clubs and social events?

    What financial state should they be in? Do you want them to make more or less money that you? Does it really matter? Is there a minimal amount that you expect a romantic partner to make? Does it matter where they work?

    How important is their spirituality? Do they have to be the same religion as you? Can they be non spiritual or atheistic?

    How sexual do they have to be? Do they have to have a high sex drive or a low one? Do they have to have conventional tastes or a little bit of kinkiness? Do you want it to be a surprise or laid out on the table?
     
  2. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I'll take a stab at this. I've thought about this before, but quickly off the top of my head:

    Need to think about how I want to answer this.

    In the realm of emotional/personality traits:

    Some Uncompromisables:
    honest
    trustworthy
    trusting (on a personal level)
    committed
    reliable
    caring
    excellent communicator (including listener)
    emotionally mature
    responsible
    confident
    patient (at least relatively)
    easy-going
    understanding
    emotionally responsive
    wise
    intelligent
    enjoys conversation
    loving
    respectful
    self-respecting
    supportive
    comfortable expressing own needs/desires/emotions
    ...

    Some Important or preferred Ones:
    self-aware
    smiles a lot naturally
    spiritual
    appreciates diversity
    high-ideals
    open-minded
    interested in a healthy lifestyle
    understands people
    positive
    compassionate
    fun
    ...

    Depends, but definitely not someone who is less social or outgoing than I am.

    At this point in my life it's not vastly important. What is important to me is a healthy relationship with money, and that they are capable of managing having money or adversely, getting themselves through times of not having money. Those skills are paramount.

    Ideally, sharing common spiritual beliefs. I can't imagine sharing myself with someone who has atheist beliefs, because it would mean not being able to share this important aspect of my life.

    Unconventional :) And yeah, I definitely want to know.
     
  3. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    NOPE... not really hihihi i don't care whatever he looks like.. as long as he does not look THAT ugly... ahahahaha because to start with, i know i don't look THAT attractive and it wouldn't be fair if I would want someone who looks THAT attractive and who cares whatever he looks like.. as long as there's love :) :) :)

    someone who loves me for me.. i need love really.. in a relationship.. i need love :)

    uhmm.. I think i need loyalty ... A LOT... because I would not enter a relationship if i know i would not be loyal to my partner.. i mean if i would enter one, then i would be really loyal

    maybe.. honesty... i don't really need him to be a super empath :) :) just someone who understands me

    and.. someone sensitive



    i don't want PDA... i'm just not comfortable showing affection publicly..
    no.. if he doesn't want to hold hands then no
    i still don't want to kiss at my age...
    hug.. i hug all the time so maybe hug :) :) lots of hug!!!!!

    we don't need to be together ALL THE TIME.... that's just.. creepy
    if he wants me to stay with him then i'll stay but i don't want a super clingy relationship.. maybe just a little

    i don't really like a super social partner ... it kinda makes me feel so anti social hihihi



    no.. doesn't really make a big impact on the relationship..
    though, i don't want someone very very rich.. i don't really want someone rich..

    i want someone simple..

    maybe i want us to be equal... like i don't want him to be tooo rich because i wouldn't be able to give him something equal to whatever he can give me

    i would prefer someone who has the same religion as me... but there are different factors that affect the values of a person.. not only their religion.. so.. i don't know :) :)
    *depends on the values of the person

    oh.. i'm not answering this hihihi because i don't want to be that sexual until i reach the proper age (for me)


    *** I think this is what i want for now.. since i've never been in a relationsihp and i don't plan to until maybe i'm 21 :) :)
     
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    #3 soulseeker, Dec 24, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  4. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I don't want or need a romantic partner. :)
     
  5. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

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    Sometimes what you want may not be what you need.
    And those who you are attracted to may not provide what you need.
    And those who can provide what you need may not attract you.

    :rain:
     
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  6. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Ah, but when you start dating it is good to have some idea of what you want.
     
  7. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

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    Unfortunately love is something which you cannot reason with.
    You may end up being attracted by someone who has nothing of what you want.
    That is the paradoxical side of it.

    :m093:
     
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    #7 Tulip, Dec 24, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  8. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Very unlikely but indeed possible.
     
  9. jlynnr

    jlynnr Community Member

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    hmmmm..........words of a 19-year-old. probably not wise. :)

    Hum. Looks. About the same as myself - I find ridiculously attractive people slightly terrifying, but at the same time, there are some people that I just don't find myself attracted to.

    Inquisitiveness and a willingness to learn and discover. Creativity. Those are huge, but are more like general traits of "he should be this way anyways" than things I need.
    Supportive - I have dreams too.
    Honest - no relationship can exist without trust. (no good relationship anyways.)
    Faithful
    Understands the value of silence - sometimes words are too much and not enough at the same time.
    Herm. I spose empathy is another good trait.

    PDA is not my thing. Holding hands is...meh. Hugs are good. Kissing can be distracting...speaking from experience. In my sometimes-too-analytical mind, it causes nonexistent drama.

    Well, I plan on having a job...social events should be taken in moderation, but I similarly don't want to be completely isolated from humanity.

    I plan on working in the Peace Corps and/or being an artist....so.....I......am not quite sure how to answer that one.

    I'd like them to be the same religion. I need someone to grow with.

    um.
    I have no experience in such matters and as such am slightly terrified by the question.
    oh dear.
     
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  10. Jayce

    Jayce Community Member

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    The more I find someone's personality attractive the more physically attractive they become to me. So, looks aren't that important.

    I look for a best friend in a romantic partner. I'd say honesty, intelligence and empathy are the most important traits I look for. I find people who are passionate about something (anything) to be extremely attractive.

    I'd prefer someone who was extroverted because it'd force me to not be a hermit. I'd go out with her sometimes but she'd also learn to enjoy sitting on the couch and watching a movie. Best of both worlds, yes?

    My first girlfriend completely surprised me with her sex drive. It's laughable how completely caught off-guard I was. I never let her have sex with me (we didn't date that long) though she often tried to coerce me into it. But I liked how passionate she was. I'm really shy about this kinda thing so I guess I prefer someone who isn't.

    Spirituality isn't really important to me. They're welcome to believe (or not believe) in whatever they want. I haven't thought about stuff like finance. I'm still a youngen so we'll wait and see.
     
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  11. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

  12. Celsius100

    Celsius100 Community Member

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    Aye to that!

    I consider appearance after I consider personality. If I couldn't imagine spending a lengthy amount of time with them, that automatically negates both from consideration. That said, I guess I'm also not drawn as to the so-called norm for 'hot'-ness. Something based around facial build I think, although I'm still not really that concerned at that point regardless. Someone who's both amazing to spend time with, and cute though is never a bad thing. :p

    The ability to communicate and openness are huge to me. Mainly because without any communication between me and a significant other, things aren't gonna last long, simply because I tend to be a bit shy about anything until it's brought up (also something I need to work on a bit). Also, it's a big thing for me for them to be a bit more empathetic in general. As far as physical displays of affection... I'm totally at the level of a three-year old in understanding that stuff. I'm more apt to simply go with what happens, but I don't have any personal preferences. I'm a tad edgy getting even hugs as it is, but it's mainly because I pair it more with a stronger sense affection, so I hate to confuse myself. In an actual relationship I can't picture myself minding as much.

    I'm a bit more indoorsy, as I suppose an introvert typically is seen as anyway, though I don't mind going out in small groups with friends. However, with how I am, even a real partier might not be bad for me considering I'd follow along regardless of if I wanted to or not and have to forcibly break out of a comfort zone.

    This is the area I'm least concerned about. As long as between the two of us we can survive and be happy, I'm content. That said, whether I have to provide the entirety of the bacon, so to speak, or am the one who's trying to play catch-up because they are making more than me (which my competitive side would kill me over, haha), I could end up perfectly happy either way. That said, I'm definitely hoping that now that I've seen how well animation pays, that I could manage all of that pretty well from either end of the spectrum.

    I'm fine with any denomination, personally, though if they're pushy about it, I'm a tad likely to flee faster than a dog at a vacuum expo. I'm far more about personal values than religious standing.

    Celsius confessions time! So... I'm uh, sort of terrified at the prospect in general. That said, I also understand that it can be a fairly decent-sized part of most relationships, so if she was interested, I'll drop my apprehension and get with the program. In fact, considering my bashfulness, it would again probably be good for me, to help break my shell. I'm pretty much great with something just as platonic though, heh. I've had a number of friends point out that I need to find someone a bit more outgoing in that area, but I also like to question their sanity considering how much they mess with me anyways.

    ... yeah. Kinda embarrassed as heck to admit that though.

    Mainly, I'm more interested in the feelings involved than the physical side, but am finally caving at pressures and admitting that the physical side probably isn't a bad thing. Just... really scary.

    I'll admit, I laughed. Stupid friends promising to 'corrupt' me.
     
    #12 Celsius100, Dec 25, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2009
    Satya and jlynnr like this.
  13. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    I'm convinced I'll never know what I want until I see her/meet her.

    Im a fickle guy (scared). I've had too many crushes just fade away and it scares me to think about dating someone - how can I know I won't just stop being interested someday? I can't, right?

    With a long track record of dusty crushes hanging on the wall of my romantic past, I haven't had enough experience to know what I want yet.
     
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  14. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    This is so obvious, but I just figured it out.
    Emotional Intelligence.

    The person I am with now is very emotionally intelligent. Someone who knows when they've hurt me and is sensitive and mature enough to sincerely make amends--instead of defensively attacking me. I've never dated anyone like that before, it's kinda nice to be allowed to show even those emotions. Not to say that he's a push over.. When I'm being unfair he firmly tells me he's not going to take that.. and that is very attractive to me as well.
     
  15. qwertysquirt

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    Someone with direction, outgoing, nice, very compassionate and caring, someone with imagination. Someone mature, aware or the big picture and kind.

    Also, I like people who care about appearance a lot. Mostly a nice face, being slightly overweight is ok, more than 40 ish pounds is a no-no, and someone is who isn't too short, close to my height. But personality matters most

    enfx is best.
     
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    #15 qwertysquirt, Dec 25, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2009
  16. the

    the Si master race.
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    Basically when speaking of qualities in a mate, if they are a lot of one thing they can be less in another area. So they can be less financially stable if they are more lovign for example. Or more good in bed if they are less good looking. Things like that.
     
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  17. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Still not answering the question Roger-dodger.
     
  18. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    Looks are important in a sense that they have to be attractive to me personally and that might not be attractive to anyone else at all. I mean, I love the tall, dark and handsome guy. But it might happen that my tall, dark and handsome guy turns out to be short, blond and not so handsome and I will love him forever and ever...

    Trust, honesty, loyalty, consideration are at the top of my list. If the guy can give me all those, I can guarantee him the same 100%. Public displays of intimacy are not something I demand from my man, and I certainly don't expect him to do the things mentioned in the quote all the time. I don't like putting on a show in public. What happens when we're alone is a whole another matter. But only when he wants to do these things and not because he thinks I expect them while secretly despising doing any of these.

    I think I might be alright with both an introvert or an extravert. Both of them can bring out different sides in me and I can certainly support either of them. Being an extreme introvert myself, I can understand the need for space. I don't need constant interaction or my partner to be with me at all times.

    But an extravert can bring me out of my shell and I think I'd welcome that.

    I'd like the guy to be independent and self-sufficient but doing awful working hours just to make money for which he never has time to enjoy is not my idea of a healthy person to be with. Neither is the other extreme, a guy who never brings home any money and hopes to live off me.

    It doesn't really matter whether he makes more or less money than me. And it doesn't matter where he works as long as he's happy with himself and he can find satisfaction in whatever he does.

    I'm not religious nor notably spiritual. I consider myself an agnostic. I can respect any religion or belief as long as they're not forced on me, so it matters very little to me what people believe, as long as they find comfort in it and don't hurt themselves or others in the process.

    I'd like to have compatibility. Too high or too low sex drive can start to cause problems in the long run. I advocate mutual consent, everything can be discussed as long as people can keep an open mind and respect each other. I think it's best when thing are laid out on the table so that they can be discussed.
     
  19. the

    the Si master race.
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    Quit stressing. You qualify. haha
     
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  20. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    Wow - I don't think I'll ever meet someone like this but I really hope I do.
     
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