Was/is he really joking? | INFJ Forum

Was/is he really joking?

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foureyes

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Aug 15, 2009
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I have a male INFJ friend who I have difficulty telling whether or not he's joking. He act's (what seems to me as) totally serious but then once he gets you riled up/ kind of upset he reveals he's joking. Is this a common way INFJs joke and is there any way I can identify whether they are joking or not?
 
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he wasnt joking.
 
Well, hearing our perspective is nice, but it also sort of sounds like you need to calm and think things through a bit.

He was probably half meant it about the judgement thing. Infjs don't like to be blatantly rude, but you were probably harshing his mellow.

:)
 
midnightmelody said:
He was probably half meant it about the judgement thing. Infjs don't like to be blatantly rude, but you were probably harshing his mellow.
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hmm . . . that's a thought. :) I wouldn't have even thought of that.
I'm considering deleting this. I feel nervous having something so personal on the internet, especially when it's mostly about somebody else, even if it is anonymous . . .
Context is nice but what I mainly want to know how can I if he's joking or not?
 
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That's not the way I joke. Though I'm not sure about my mbti type either.

One way to find out is to ask him, if you feel comfortable and think he'd give you a straight answer. By doing it a few times (in different ways), you might be able to gauge what he's saying and how he's saying it, and maybe that will help to uncover a pattern, etc.
 
foureyes said:
I have a male INFJ friend who I have difficulty telling whether or not he's joking. He act's (what seems to me as) totally serious but then once he gets you riled up/ kind of upset he reveals he's joking. Is this a common way INFJs joke and is there any way I can identify whether they are joking or not?
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Some people grew up with family members who are hard to tell whether they are joking around or not. They got those traits, at least I did so I always have to say "I'm sorry" or "Just kidding" after everything, plus I don't want the other person to feel offended.

I don't think he would. If it sounds waaaaay to ridiculous then it's probably a joke.
 
foureyes said:
hmm . . . that's a thought. :) I wouldn't have even thought of that.
I'm considering deleting this. I feel nervous having something so personal on the internet, especially when it's mostly about somebody else, even if it is anonymous . . .
Context is nice but what I mainly want to know how can I if he's joking or not?
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You can tell by using what you know about him. What are some of his core morals, things he lives by, things that are very important to him. Figure out how those things relate to the conversations you're having with him.

Uberrogo was right he most likely was not joking. I have personally done this myself, I get into a heated argument and when I realize I'm not getting through to the person I'll end it by saying I'm joking. This this due mainly to the fact that communication has stopped at this point, there is no longer any gain from the relationship to progress further; except maybe hurt the relationship.

I don't know about other infjs, I'm always serious... even when I'm making a joke the joke is making a point. The point is always aligned with my beliefs and moral codes, my best friends recall to have never seen a day where I wasn't serious.

If it wasn't serious then I wouldn't be spending my time with you; I seek only quality relationships.
 
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You could ask him. Next time it happens, ask him to clarify what he means. Say that it's hard for you not to take offense at what was said and you need reassurance, or something along those lines.

I used to be really abrasive in my humour. It was just the way it was when I was at school and how I learned to get by, with sarcasm and lightly insulting banter. I never thought twice about it - just assumed everyone did that, until someone from outside my peer group actually pointed out to me that my comments offended them, which came as a surprise, but when I had time to think about it made sense of course.

I think you have the opportunity to help this guy to see the error of his ways. He might not love you for it - nobody likes to be in the wrong, but you'll be doing him a big favour.
 
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seeing the way he acts it could mean two things:

1. he was really joking. Me too, I use sarcasm and light insults as humor but I don't mean it. And it is indeed difficult to translate when you are not used to it

2. he really means what he said but after seeing that you where getting upset he just said that it was a joke to make you feel better. I (and I think INFJ in general) doesn't like it when people gets hurt because of what I said so I try to make it up by saying it was a joke, or that I didn't mean it.

so yeah, thinking about it, it must be very hard for other people to know when I'm joking or not. Because when I make a joke there is always a part in it that I actualy mean. Maybe I should stop doing that :D
 
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Doesn't sound like an INFJ at all.

Question: Are the things that he "jokes" about serious things? There's a point where jokes stop being funny, if you're making a mockery out of everything.

The other possibility is that really, he's just being silly, and you're not picking up on it.
 
Don't get the wrong impression that INFJs cannot joke :) It's just that when they do it they make sure the other person gets it and does not feel uncomfortable.
 
Tamagochi said:
It's just that when they do it they make sure the other person gets it and does not feel uncomfortable.
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Yes, that's why I use so many smileys in written communications. I am not that friendly:)
 
Maybe he realised that he'd accidentally offended you and, because he hadn't meant to, said it was a joke (maybe it was an offhand comment?).
Or maybe he wasn't joking, but didn't think what he'd said would upset you that much and wasn't sure how to deal with it?
It's easier to tell what's going on when you know the person personally though ^^"
 
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Naxx said:
You can tell by using what you know about him. What are some of his core morals, things he lives by, things that are very important to him. Figure out how those things relate to the conversations you're having with him.

Uberrogo was right he most likely was not joking. I have personally done this myself, I get into a heated argument and when I realize I'm not getting through to the person I'll end it by saying I'm joking. This this due mainly to the fact that communication has stopped at this point, there is no longer any gain from the relationship to progress further; except maybe hurt the relationship.

I don't know about other infjs, I'm always serious... even when I'm making a joke the joke is making a point. The point is always aligned with my beliefs and moral codes, my best friends recall to have never seen a day where I wasn't serious.

If it wasn't serious then I wouldn't be spending my time with you; I seek only quality relationships.
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Hear Hear! Cheers man... I sometimes loathe how articulate you other INFJs are. Which always make me feel self conscious about my own opinions when they are usually exactly the same and pretty much irrelevant, due to their simplicity. I resent most of you, but it's out of pure envy. :D
 
Thank you everybody for you replies :) I found them really helpful. and I mean that.
I've decided that he wasn't joking as I suspected, but I can think of other times when I didn't realise he was joking that I'm sure he was so Ima keep my eye out for any signals. I mean usually I'm pretty perceptive.
 
foureyes said:
I have a male INFJ friend who I have difficulty telling whether or not he's joking. He act's (what seems to me as) totally serious but then once he gets you riled up/ kind of upset he reveals he's joking. Is this a common way INFJs joke and is there any way I can identify whether they are joking or not?
Click to expand...

I have a very sharp dry wit. Even my best friends have trouble telling when I am joking sometimes.

My motivation is simple. I love to make people laugh. I tend to see things other people don't. I have a 'stern' manner, though it comes from not expressing much outward emotion. I also like to make people think, because it is good for them. When you put all that together, you get someone who makes a lot of straight faced jokes.

The best ways to tell if I am joking:

Is what I am saying ridiculous, or blatantly not the case? If so, I am joking.

Is what I am saying making anyone else laugh? If so, the joke was for them, but feel free to laugh along with it.

Is what I am saying making you want to laugh, and the fact that you can't tell if I'm serious making you want to laugh more? Then I am definitely joking.

Lastly, is what I am saying making you intensely confused and frustrated because you can't tell if I am joking? Most likely I'm doing it to make me laugh.

You can see it in my eyes when I'm doing this. My vibe is playful and witty, even if my face doesn't say so. Also, my tone of voice and manner of delivery has a slight air of 'acting' to it, like a used car salesman. And lastly, at some point myself or others are going to be doing like my little money here...

:m146:

Don't worry. You'll catch on.
 
He could be like me,and really that bad at telling jokes. Very often I have to tell people I'm joking, or let them know in some way. My friends even have named the smile I use when making sure they get its a joke. It could also be that he's covering his ass, but don't jump to those conclusions.
 
Von Hase said:
I have a very sharp dry wit. Even my best friends have trouble telling when I am joking sometimes.

My motivation is simple. I love to make people laugh. I tend to see things other people don't. I have a 'stern' manner, though it comes from not expressing much outward emotion. I also like to make people think, because it is good for them. When you put all that together, you get someone who makes a lot of straight faced jokes.

The best ways to tell if I am joking:

Is what I am saying ridiculous, or blatantly not the case? If so, I am joking.

Is what I am saying making anyone else laugh? If so, the joke was for them, but feel free to laugh along with it.

Is what I am saying making you want to laugh, and the fact that you can't tell if I'm serious making you want to laugh more? Then I am definitely joking.

Lastly, is what I am saying making you intensely confused and frustrated because you can't tell if I am joking? Most likely I'm doing it to make me laugh.

You can see it in my eyes when I'm doing this. My vibe is playful and witty, even if my face doesn't say so. Also, my tone of voice and manner of delivery has a slight air of 'acting' to it, like a used car salesman. And lastly, at some point myself or others are going to be doing like my little money here...

:m146:

Don't worry. You'll catch on.
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I'm a lot like this too :D And I have a tendency to answer very sarcastically to obvious questions with a straight face -- example:
Friend: *Picks up bottle* Is this for drinking?
Me: No, I just think the bottle is aesthetically appealing.

People who don't know me are often really confused by this because it looks like I'm serious. I've had many cases where, when the above conversation would take place, the other person would cautiously and confusedly set down the bottle and stare at it.
 
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