Some things I can't deal with. | INFJ Forum

Some things I can't deal with.

darkstar

darkstar

Community Member
Feb 9, 2009
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Passive aggressiveness, unforgiveness, and refusal to work on problems.

I am the type who, if there is a problem, it must be discussed and worked out, not let alone to fester. Because then, all of a sudden, the relationship/friendship is over without warning.

Can anyone relate?

People wonder why I let so few people in....
 
I relate in every way, completly :)
 
I would guess most people feel this way when it comes to their close relationships. I've only not cared when it wasn't a close relationship, in which case it was easy to drift apart.
 
Yuppers. Totally. Can't stand those three things.
 
darkstar said:
Passive aggressiveness, unforgiveness, and refusal to work on problems.

I am the type who, if there is a problem, it must be discussed and worked out, not let alone to fester. Because then, all of a sudden, the relationship/friendship is over without warning.

Can anyone relate?

People wonder why I let so few people in....
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second that, on all counts. passive aggressiveness is one of the great evils of the world. of that i am sure.
 
I am the type who, if there is a problem, it must be discussed and worked out, not let alone to fester. Because then, all of a sudden, the relationship/friendship is over without warning.
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I can definetl relate, I have this problem with my mom and have had it for like 10 years. Whenever there is a problem I need to talk about it although she will refrain and say I dont want to talk about this ...

à consider this child neglection, because I can turn introvert and linger over a problem for weeks, wheras she forgets it the next day and acts as if everything is fine.
 
Yeah, agreed on only the close friendship part. "Acquaintances" don't count.

So rule #1 Stay away from (or at least don't get attached to) bi-polar people. Lesson I have learned well.
 
darkstar said:
Passive aggressiveness, unforgiveness, and refusal to work on problems.
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darkstar said:
So rule #1 Stay away from (or at least don't get attached to) bi-polar people. Lesson I have learned well.
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Bad experiences with bipolar friends? My bipolar friend was never passive-aggressive or unforgiving. It was tricky asking her to work on problems though...
 
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I agree with what everyone else said. If there is a problem and I care enough about that person or problem, I'm going to want to iron out the hiccups that pop up immediately. I don't want a small issue to turn into a big issue. However, if I don't give two sh1ts about whether that person festers or not, I'm just going to let them make a big deal out of whatever problem we're going through. I'll step in if it gets to the point where their passive aggressiveness is a nuisance interfering in my daily routine.
 
Milon said:
Bad experiences with bipolar friends? My bipolar friend was never passive-aggressive or unforgiving. It was tricking asking her to work on problems though...
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Yeah, lost a love interest and one of my best friends (two different people) last week.

(No wonder why I'm having dreams where my teeth fall out, as they are interpreted as meaning loss.)
 
darkstar said:
Yeah, lost a love interest and one of my best friends (two different people) last week.

(No wonder why I'm having dreams where my teeth fall out, as they are interpreted as meaning loss.)
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I'm sorry for your losses. Believe me, I can relate. I'm curious, though; are you saying both these people had bipolar disorder? And if so, are you saying both were passive-aggressive, refused to work on problems and were unforgiving?
 
anica said:
I'm sorry for your losses. Believe me, I can relate. I'm curious, though; are you saying both these people had bipolar disorder? And if so, are you saying both were passive-aggressive, refused to work on problems and were unforgiving?
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Thanks.

nail + hit on the head = true;

Yep. All of a sudden, they just cut me out. And I don't just mean ignoring me, I mean also saying "leave me alone" when I tried talking to them to "this "friendship" isn't going to work".
 
Life is generally very hard with fluctuating people, especially sudden fluctuations. How strong of you to make it through all of this *admiration*. It sounds to me as if you did your best so do not What So Ever blame yourself because you did nothing wrong.
 
Pristinegirl said:
Life is generally very hard with fluctuating people, especially sudden fluctuations. How strong of you to make it through all of this *admiration*. It sounds to me as if you did your best so do not What So Ever blame yourself because you did nothing wrong.
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Well, there are always two sides to every story. I of course am not blameless, however, I tried. Any relationship requires two people, so if one of them wishes not to participate, there is nothing the other can do. (I think my thinking side and my emotional side are finally reaching a nice little consensus, partly in thanks to all of you)

Thanks for the support all!
 
darkstar said:
Well, there are always two sides to every story. I of course am not blameless, however, I tried. Any relationship requires two people, so if one of them wishes not to participate, there is nothing the other can do. (I think my thinking side and my emotional side are finally reaching a nice little consensus, partly in thanks to all of you)

Thanks for the support all!
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Ahhh I think so too. You are certaintly very wise and mature about it. Furthermore you are right on that it takes two. For some it may take years to figure something that ought to be so obvious. :)
 
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