Small talk and not knowing what to say | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Small talk and not knowing what to say

purplecrayons said:
Yeah, but then I have no idea how to answer that, or any idea if they want me to lie just so they can feel better having done their social duty. Do they really wanna know, or do they just want to hear i'm "good," or "fine?" I HATE that question. It forces me to lie, then I hate myself & feel more distant from them. Basically I just want to know WHY? What is the motive for the question? I can give you what you want, if I know your reason for inquiring.
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HAHAHAHHAHA...i feel the exact same way.i hate that question too.i wanna ask them back,DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW?how about if i tell you im having a sucky day...whatchu gonna do abt it huh?sigh.hate hate hate small talk.i hate to lie cos on some days, i am not "good" or "fine".
 
SOMEtimes I like talking on the phone, if I really like the person, but not ALL the time, because I get drained. If I don't have a lot of other interaction with them phone calls are exciting, but if someone is calling for small talk, or to repeat themselves, just because they are bored, etc. I feel the need to depart. I could be reading, after all... ;)
 
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[ame="http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650"]Seriously.[/ame]
 
I try to avoid it. It can be uncomfortable, especially when you get asked personal questions. Sometimes, depending on the person I'm fine with it but I usually just avoid it if I can.
 
For the most part - I don't like superficiality. Be it relationships, conversations, pursuits, or interests.. I just prefer not to go there. So when it comes to talking/conversations, if I have a choice, I'm going to choose a real conversation. Not small talk.

Perhaps it's because it's a weakness of mine. Perhaps it's because it's a preference. Chicken or egg. Anyone?
 
Ha! Most people are usually uncomfortable around me because I don't small talk. Not at all. Any conversations people have with me end the same as yours - abruptly without much being said.

However, if you're a friend and/or actually have something engaging to talk about, I'm all for it! Just don't bother me with your petty attempts at trying to probe me to try to get to know me as well as I already know you 5 seconds after you entered the room.

Sorry been rather bitter lately...
 
Ugh, detest small talks! It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable! I rarely engage in small talks. I prefer having much more meaningful conversations. So by the time I've found a deep converstaion to have with them they leave.



Person: How are you?
Me: I'm alright, and you?
Person: Good.
Me *about to start a deep converstaion*....
*awkward pause*
Person: *leaves*
Me: D'oh!

lol.
 
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not sure said:
Some years back I was approached by an elderly English woman who says, "Good morning. What do you think the weather will be like today?" or something like that. I replied, "I don't know, really. I didn't check the weather report."
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Best answer.
 
I actually do fine with small talk, but I have a little trouble when I'm in deep conversations because I have a hard time putting my feelings or thoughts into correct words. It's very simple to me because I'm very independent and I'm use to initiating first or getting things on my own. My small talk usually goes something like "You have a very interesting necklace." Or "Isn't it cold today? I'm freezing." I think it helps to point out something you find interesting or just something nearby. It also helps to read people first, sometimes you can just tell when someone is up for small talk : }
 
I generally don't like small talk. It also depends on the environment, who it is, what my initial impression of them is (if I have never met/spoke to them before) and how I'm feeling at the time. Sometimes I can come off really awkwardly and focus on certain aspects of what was said which might confuse the other person (as mentioned by some of the other posts above). Other times I'm more receptive and humourous in my reply, especially if I know if they understand/appreciate my sense of humour. The only time I tend to initiate small talk is when the other person I'm interacting with seems nervous/slightly agitated and I try to say something to help relieve the tension.
 
I would say it comes down to showing interest in the other person and training yourself to find those little bits that you can ask questions about or compliment. Later, if you hang out with them more, you will find you start to have a nice base for conversation in various subjects. I like @Kgal 's method of turning questions back on people and/or letting them share their stories. =)
 
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My advice is to tell a joke if you cant think of something 'small' to talk about.
 
People, conversations have a flow... you cannot force someone into the deep end before you have gotten them used to the water. Learn to plan your conversation out accordingly in your head, start small and snowball up to the big stuff... dont fear small talk, its just as good as big talk, and you cant jump right into the latter without laying down some conversational roots to make the person you are talking to understand that youre not a sociopath.
 
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