Should we become selfish in our life? | INFJ Forum

Should we become selfish in our life?

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Roger

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Oct 7, 2009
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Today i was thinking on this subject: SELFISH.

I think, we should become selfish, a bit, selfish in such a way that doesn't harm anyone's feelings or expectations. If we are looking at others, taking care of them, nurturing relationship with them, then i think, there is a need to do these things to us. We should also look at ourselves.

I have seen, sometimes people try to give pleasure to others, and then after sometime they do complain about themselves, their friends are paying attention or not making them happy. What do you think what may be the reason behind this feeling?? Don't you think we should try to give pleasure to ourselves?

think about this, and tell me you are selfish in your life or no?
 
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The issue of selfish is imaginary. Why think this way? Better view everybody, including yourself, as one entity of worth. Not that I'm believer anyway, but the Bible advises you to love the others as yourself. It should also explicitly advise you to love yourself as the others. Although we can assume this wisdom is contained in the first phrase too. The point is very simple and practical: if you don't grow, you can't help others to grow. That's why those that are at first most selfish get the chance to be of most service to the others, so everything is repaid. And those that are least selfish eventually need the help of others. Optimally, you would carry similar measure for yourself and for others, and achieve smooth growth for everybody.

This is illustrated with climbing a mountain. If you only assist others, and not climb fast enough, they're gonna have to wait for you. If you only climb ahead, you're gonna have to wait for them. So the most efficient approach for all of you is somewhere in the middle.
 
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I agree, we should be self-centred. It is important to be centred, and we should each take personal responsibility for this.
 
We need to help ourselves before we can help anyone else, so to a certain degree we need to be selfish.
 
Well, whether we want it or not, we are self-centered. I think it's good to care about your own stuff. It's important to have a place where you can be completely self-centered and gather energy.
 
Is looking after yourself first always being selfish?

One conversation I keep having with my wife is that if she's got someone who's going through a tough patch and she immerses herself within it to the point where she's as distraught as they are then she's then of less use to them. People under stress need help and support, it's fine to sympathise with them and empathy is sometimes required but to actually end up in the same state of stress as they are? That's detrimental to both you and your capacity to help them. So I guess being selfish (which keeping your emotional distance could be defined to be) is sometimes the most generous thing you can do... oddly.
 
I think a little bit of selfishness is okay...in the context of self care. It is part of the balance we should stive to maintain.
 
I am very inspired by the wisdom that everyone shows in this thread!:m161::bounce::tea:
 
Using the word "selfish" implies a negative connotation, but everything I read in the OP sounds quite balanced. Considering oneself a human being needing the same care and respect offered any other human being is balanced and truthful. Making sure oneself is taken care of help provide the strength to help others. It's the same principle as when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling on a plane, "Place your own mask on first, and then help others".
 
I think it is less about needing to be selfish.

The simple fact of the matter is that we do not respect ourselves at times.

Consider that you are a completely different person, just another friend of yours, you KNOW that you will never be able to give this friend up, no matter how much they hurt you. So... Why not take care of your friend, give them the respect they deserve, and give them something nice every once in a while? And of course, take care of them when they need it.

You don't have to be self centered to achieve this in my opinion.
 
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I dunno about selfish, but we should become comfortable with meeting our own needs without feeling guilty. There's a difference between being "selfish," as people think of it, and standing up for yourself as an individual.
 
Here's another more perspective: We could argue that it's selfish to neglect yourself; just like it's selfish to neglect others. In both cases you would place a special importance on yourself among others, no matter who do you neglect. The highest form of liberation from selfishness seems to be the ability to look at yourself and others as one group, from aside; and to treat yourself accordingly.
 
enfp can be shy said:
Here's another more perspective: We could argue that it's selfish to neglect yourself; just like it's selfish to neglect others. In both cases you would place a special importance on yourself among others, no matter who do you neglect. The highest form of liberation from selfishness seems to be the ability to look at yourself and others as one group, from aside; and to treat yourself accordingly.
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Kind of like paranoia being a form of inflated sense of self importance?
 
By the way, I'm not sure that it's possible to achieve that level, but it sounds as interesting goal.
Xander said:
Kind of like paranoia being a form of inflated sense of self importance?
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It is, yeah. And very hard to break out of it sometimes. Simply because in reality you don't have that objective view I mentioned in my previous post. We would behave very differently, if we could see ourselves from aside all the time, and frankly, maybe it's better that we can't. I don't know if we can handle it.
 
enfp can be shy said:
By the way, I'm not sure that it's possible to achieve that level, but it sounds as interesting goal.
It is, yeah. And very hard to break out of it sometimes. Simply because in reality you don't have that objective view I mentioned in my previous post. We would behave very differently, if we could see ourselves from aside all the time, and frankly, maybe it's better that we can't. I don't know if we can handle it.
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I think I managed it once... totally destroys your sense of self. May have become slightly obsessed with the detached view however... *ahem*

This seems a lot like projection in effect. A wonderful theory which, once understood, makes you a nicer and more understanding person... but it so screws up and righteous rants you've got brewing!!
 
People, i want to say one thing. See, this question, inner from outside. I mean you have to be happy first, then make others happy.

now can you tell me your opinions? Don't you realize something else?
I realized it and said her firstly, we should be selfish at some level. This is the reason to be selfish through my sight. This is my point of view.

I am curious to this , enjoyed your answers. Thank you all of you,

Just want more of it. It is amazing. GO ahead!
 
Julia said:
Using the word "selfish" implies a negative connotation, but everything I read in the OP sounds quite balanced. Considering oneself a human being needing the same care and respect offered any other human being is balanced and truthful. Making sure oneself is taken care of help provide the strength to help others. It's the same principle as when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling on a plane, "Place your own mask on first, and then help others".
Click to expand...

Agree.
 
Roger said:
Today i was thinking on this subject: SELFISH.

I think, we should become selfish, a bit, selfish in such a way that doesn't harm anyone's feelings or expectations. If we are looking at others, taking care of them, nurturing relationship with them, then i think, there is a need to do these things to us. We should also look at ourselves.

I have seen, sometimes people try to give pleasure to others, and then after sometime they do complain about themselves, their friends are paying attention or not making them happy. What do you think what may be the reason behind this feeling?? Don't you think we should try to give pleasure to ourselves?

think about this, and tell me you are selfish in your life or no?
Click to expand...
Okay... please keep in mind... I don't mean any offense to anyone...
I hope it's okay if I just share my point of view even if it's a little different...

I agree with everything about needing to balance our care for others and our care for ourselves, but I can't agree with the use of the word selfish itself... probably because when I was brought up, I was taught that to be selfish is a bad thing... which certainly... it is... according to its definition anyway.

The reason I dislike the use of the word selfish is because we know what "selfish" really means."Selfish" means that we are disregarding others and only focused on ourselves. The word selfish infers no sense of balance of that focus.

When my children were young I had to teach them how to share and not be selfish.
Would I appreciate it if someone came along and said, oh no, your mom was wrong, it's ok to be selfish? Certainly not.

I think the concept we're actually discussing is called 'personal boundaries'. Having healthy personal boundaries is important in life. We need to learn that there's a time when it's okay to say no, and a time when it's important to say yes... balance. I don't like calling it "selfish" though.

Healthy boundaries are something I have been striving toward for a long time. Mine were stomped all over when I was a kid. Even just daring to state my point of view is something I learned to do in the past 2 years from being in online forums.

Anyhow... good subject.

Oh, I wanted to say that I have seen people with unhealthy boundaries who are always serving other people and never take care of themselves. On the surface that looks so saintly, but in reality there can be a lot of unhealthy issues feeding that kind of behavior.

But on the other hand, there are some types which are very service oriented and they certainly shouldn't be condemned for doing what comes naturally to them.

I agree with those who have said that having a balance where you look after yourself and others is something we should strive for.

I mean even in an airplane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then put one on your child. What good would it do your child if you passed out?
 
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On the contrary, I think it's important to go out of my way to help others. Don't get me wrong - I DO think it's important to pursue my personal interests first, but I won't refuse a small favor or even a large one if I can manage it and the cause is worthy. I mean, what's the point of not helping someone when you could be helping someone? :)
 
I'm uncertain if we're actually talking about what I consider to be selfish. I have the belief that all humans have the same worth. I give everyone else's life immense value, and thus it would be ridiculous not to give myself such value. I care deeply about the people of the world, and feel that it is in part up to me to make everyone's lives better in some way, but how can I do this if I don't also fend for myself? If I'm dead, I'm not helping anyone. To be thoughtful of ones own needs is not selfish in my book, if they are doing so with the intent of securing self security in order to be a benefit to others down the road.

I find self concern selfish when one takes care of themselves only with the goal to sustain their own life, and disregard those around them.
 
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