She suddenly wants to be "just friends" | INFJ Forum

She suddenly wants to be "just friends"

K

krst451

I met this girl a few months ago. We'd been hanging out as part of a group for a while, then recently started just hanging out together and texting each other basically all day.

After a few weeks of this, I asked if she wanted to be more than friends, and she did. We went on two dates after that. After the first one, she went on about how much fun she had and how she couldn't wait to see me again. She seemed really excited about me in general ("I had so much fun last night" etc.). But, after the second one, I asked her if she had fun, but she just said she was "struggling with the more than friends thing".

I tried to give her some time to think, but I couldn't help it and started asking questions. The only reason she would give is that she "thought she liked me that way, but now she doesn't think she does". When I asked her what caused her to change her mind, she said "You're cute, interesting, nice, and funny, so I don't really know why I don't like you in that way."

So, I was just wondering if anyone could give me some insight into what could possibly be going through her mind. I don't understand how she can list a bunch of reasons to like me, but then say that she doesn't.

I'm just so confused, and I feel like there must be something she isn't telling me. It's like she instantly went from being all excited to "feeling awkward".

Most importantly, I'm wondering if there's any hope...

Thanks!
 
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I think she doesn't know what she wants from you. Really. Believe me, there're people who says and shows great interest in starting and after some time when attraction is finished, then they will go out of blue all of sudden.

Don't worry about her. Even giving time will not help her, she needs understanding to decide things between you and her. may be she is just being nice with you. She should be clear with you. If she is not clear with you then think ,expecting things from her is pure time waste.

Always be specific in such situation. You want her, but what about her? She said nothing, means process is running in her mind, confused or may be anything.

Hope this helps!
 
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I thinks she likes you very much and really want to be in a relationship with you, only problem is, she is not in love with you. I can be wrong but this is exact the behaviour I show when I like a guy very much but am not sure about the whole "in love thing". When this happens to me I'm first happy to be in a relationship but soon I feel something is off. I force myself to be in love with thy guy because it is such a good guy and etc. But I can never pull that through and sooner of later I have to disapoint him by saying that I don't really know what I want or why it is not working.

but I can be wrong, I hope I am :becky:

my suggestion in this case is to back away and just be her friend. Don't pressure her into a relationship. Let her take the next step if she want it and is ready for her. there is no benefit in forcing her.
 
Morgain said:
my suggestion in this case is to back away and just be her friend. Don't pressure her into a relationship. Let her take the next step if she want it and is ready for her. there is no benefit in forcing her.
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agreed.

i had a similar experience. sucks, but there's nothing to be done.

i only realized months later how i should have just chilled and not taken it personally. be thankful that this girl is saving you a ton of heartache later on down the road.

there is someone else who will mesh with you better, and she won't be all nervous.
 
I've had this happen to me and also had to say this to other people.

When people said this to me i just had to accept that they weren't really that into me. In my case, this was often that I had mixed physical feelings for the person, and wanted to see what would happen over time. Unfortunately, the result was not what either of us had hoped.

Its not an easy position to be in, so try to be nice to her. It shows how much she appreciates you that she tried to see how it would go.

When you find the right relationship it will just click, and neither of you will have to worry about this.
 
She doesnt know how she feels about you, best bet is to back off and let her figure it out. I would keep my options open as well if I were you because if she decides to friend zone you, you are already on the ground running anyway, and if she does decide to go further with you, you can become totally monogamous.
 
It's important for her to respect her own personal feelings, they don't necessarily need to make sense to you or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps she doesn't even know -why- she feels that particular way, however, if she feels it it's important that she goes with it.

It's been very hard for me to understand that concept. I personally believe everything has a logically applicable way but apparently that doesn't really spread onto romantic relations; when it comes to that it's all about the irrational.

So, my advice isn't really advice it's just a perspective. It may hurt but you don't really need to know why. It shouldn't be that deep-cutting since it was just for a brief amount of time but the again...relationships are irrational like that.
 
One can rarely reason with feelings. There's no hope, move on.
 
I think what it comes down to is maturity, and that she is just still young. I have been in a situation like that before. When people are young, it is quite easy to convince oneself to act and feel a specfic way. For what ever reason it might be. In this case, I believe it was a combination of trying to please you, and for her to create an idealised and romantasized scenario. The thing is, you can only hold up that facade for so long. After a certian point it will start to break down, and the individual that created it will suddenly feel lost or confused over what is going on. The created feelings are gone, and all that is left is the sense of "...what I am I doing? I really don't know". Unless the person does some really heavy introspection, they likely will not understand why they suddely fell out of what they thought initally. Even if at the time they thought it was "so certain". For someone in highschool, this is a near impossible feat to do. I have been in situations anagalous to this in highschool. Where I thought something should be this way, so I created false feelings without my knowlage of it, then overtime it feel apart, and I hit a point of "what am I doing?", and I truly could not explain why I felt the way I felt.

Just let her be. It might seem like that she is hiding something, that is a possibillity, but it is not likely. She likely created all of these feelings in her mind, and then let them go.

YHWH said:
One can rarely reason with feelings. There's no hope, move on.
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I'm sorry, but that's just unnesscarrarly cold. I agree there is very little likelyhood that anything would form again, and forcing it would just be wasted energy. You can't not entertain the idea that she could come back though.
 
sounds like there is someone else.
 
You waited a bit too long to seal the deal. Strike while the iron is hot. You could have afforded to skip the dating part. Easier to go horizontal first since you already know her so intimately.

Friendzone, some other guy, whatever. Time to move on.
 
I am just wondering if you did anything on that second date? Maybe you said or did something that offended her or maybe made her realize something? Just my intuition speaking here.
 
YHWH said:
One can rarely reason with feelings. There's no hope, move on.
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+1

Sometimes a person can seem appealing, on paper, but when you try it, it doesn't work. You can't force attraction.

You should find someone who IS attracted to you.
 
cmrain said:
You waited a bit too long to seal the deal. Strike while the iron is hot. You could have afforded to skip the dating part. Easier to go horizontal first since you already know her so intimately.
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CMRain nailed it. This same thing happened to me at your age. It happens to me now. I prefer not to hop in the sack. I like to get to know them first. However, once you become friends it is very hard to cross the barrier to something more. She will regret it if she doesn't exhibit some patience to let the awkwardness fade...oh, well, her loss...ok maybe your loss too but her regret. ;-)

Don't talk. Do...when the time is right.

Or, just look for another INFJ that thinks similarly. That is my current focus.
 
She liked you in idea - but there was just no 'spark'. It's something completely out our control, but if it isn't there then there isn't a chance for a relationship. I've had this happen to me before on both ends...it sucks but there's nothing to be done about it. Sorry :\
 
there is no such thing as spark, there is attraction and lack of attraction.
 
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