Physical display of affection . . . | INFJ Forum

Physical display of affection . . .

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Dec 18, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    So, it seems that comfort with physical displays of affection may be linked to type? Not sure how true this is, but how do you guys feel about physical displays of affection with family, friends, romantic partners, PDA?

    Don't worry, i'm not interested in any explicit details of anyone's love life. I'm just curious about how everyone feels about physical displays of affection, especially comfort level.
     
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    #1 Gaze, Dec 18, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  2. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Ehhh. It's uncomfortable, especially if I'm not up for it. I can stand it, but I'm most likely cringing inside. I don't even like it when my mom randomly caresses my hair or something. It makes me feel so uncomfortable.
    Hugs are alright, but again, there has to be a forewarning. You can't go hug me unexpectedly or I would most likely freak out for a few minutes. No touching unless permitted. Ack. :m141:
     
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  3. WellNoWonder

    WellNoWonder Peace Through Action

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    ^^^^^^

    I cringed at trying to answer this question!!!

    Acquaintances get more hugs from me than people I know really well. Hugs allow me to feel people. I generally get uncomfortable when I hug someone I know really well, and all their emotions start transferring over to me. People can view me as being cold, but that's the way it is with me. I'd be insane if I went around hugging people all day because I'd have like 5-6 emotional problem sets clogging me up...

    A friend of a ex-friend hugged me last week, and from the onlooker, it probably looked like a friendly hug, but to me it felt erotic, and it made me really uncomfortable. And we hug all the time. I will not hug this person much anymore. Now I know him more intimately and it just makes me squeamish.

    People I don't know really well, well, I get some feeling but it's more like, "I'm glad to see you." If there are other underlying attractions, I notice them, but if they are not overwhelming I can deal with them.

    Meh.
     
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  4. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    No thanks.
     
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  5. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Interesting reply WNW! I am a fairly huggy/feely type person with friends and casual aquaintences (NOT strangers though). If I know you well, even more so. As far as with my partner...well let's just say we are discussing that right now in our threapy. I have a great need for physical closeness (not talking sex). Hugs, holding, kissing, and the general kindness that goes along with all that. I get hurt easily if this is rejected too often. The occasional "no thanks" is understandable, as everyone gets in those moods. But denial of this activity in the long term is not good for me.

    P.S.--Has this changed in me over say the last 20 years? Yes it has, quite a bit!
     
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    #5 Questingpoet, Dec 18, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  6. OP
    Gaze

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    i feel the same. Sometimes a friendly hug can feel as if it's something more that's why i'm not a fan of hugs or PDAs for that matter. something that may seem fairly innocent and friendly can feel more than it should for me, so i tend to opt out of pda's often. i don't even like hugging close family. as far as a romantic partner, i'd probably have to trust you completely before i'd engage in any intimate display of affection.
     
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    #6 Gaze, Dec 18, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  7. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I don't like to be touched. It makes me seize up beyond my control. It's something that I am beginning to work on, because I have to be ok with physical contact.
     
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  8. christmas

    christmas is such a boss bitch.
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    My family is very affectionate, so I'm pretty affectionate with them. I'm not really that affectionate with friends, but if they want a hug I'm there. If someone looks like they need a hug and they want one from me I can't say no. As far as romantic relationships go, I know I'm easy, but please don't treat me like I am. :m033:
     
  9. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    With those closest to me, if the trust is there, I love physical displays of affection, but NOT in public. I hate being touched in any way in a public environment. It feels like a personal attack, epsecially if I'm stressed, which I often am in public spaces.

    I can tolerate it if I know the person's intentions are good - and I do know - I can feel the positive intentions through the touch, if they're there, like electrcity - and the same goes for disingenuine or negative touch - I can recognise it straight away. In that respect, it's a useful clue as to what that person is up to, but I don't enjoy it.

    The exception to all this is if someone else needs a hug or reassuring touch to help them heal or feel better. Again I instinctively know/feel if they're genuine, and if they are I have no discomfort in giving that affection, even in public, unless they are 'stealing it from me' rather than me giving it freely. It's a rather odd phenomenon.
     
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  10. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, this is the key. If i sense your intentions are good, and that you're "harmless" for lack of a better word, then i don't mind giving you a hug.
     
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  11. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I love to be huged when it is real. I wished I could hug people more but I'm to controlled and to affraid to take the initiative to hug someone. I always think that my hug is most unwelcome to the other person :D
     
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  12. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I'm chronically harmless and so I get a lot of hugs, pats on the shoulder, "hey, baby"s and "you know I love you"s when I'm out in public. It does my heart good.
     
  13. WellNoWonder

    WellNoWonder Peace Through Action

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    Did your partner say why she is unreceptive to non-sexual affection?
     
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  14. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Well, thanks for taking an interest. Like most things it is many facited and complicted. She has both anger and depression issues. She was not shown the proper affection as a child. I come from a very close, huggy family. She does not have this need most of the time, and it is hard for her to see beyond what she has going on, to my "need". It wasn't that way at all at the start, that's what makes it hard. Not what I expected. That's the Cliff's Notes version. There is always more of course.
     
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  15. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I'm comfortable with hugs in public, but anything more than that is uncomfortable.
    But you know...in private, no holds bared.
     
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  16. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I love being touched as long as the situation permits the level of intimacy. For example, I do not like being felt up in front of people (this happened once when a girl grabbed my ass in class one day).

    Who is touching me also matters a great deal.

    I've realized that I'm too touchy and that I need to restrain myself because I make people uncomfortable apparently. So now, I am very afraid to touch anyone, or even give them hugs.
     
  17. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I'm generally not a huggy person, although with a certain few close friends, I'll be ok to hug them.

    Boyfriend and daughters? I hug'em ALL the time.

    My big brother friend Karl is probably the one other person I'll hug quite freely, as he is a very warm and affectionate ENFJ with his close peeps.

    I'm cool to hug Jenn (Grasshopper), and my other ENFJ girlfriend Sonya, is just not too big on hugs herself, so there is just always a comfortable warmth betwen us that we share when we hang out.

    Clients and co-workers- NO. Anyone else, I try not to be there if it feels or looks like it's a situation for hugs, lol.

    If I see someone who is apparently suffering and I can sense a hug will be healing for them, I'll likely do the "sit beside them thing, and either put my hand on their shoulder or a one arm hug type thing."


    I wondered about this after I posted it...

    I think that the thought I have quite often when someone tries to hug me, is; "what do you want from me?" I feel as though hugs are a close body to body experience, and that it really crosses the boundary of my personal comfort zone bubble. I get particularly wary of guys who I sense like me, and it just gives me the creep factor vibe, even if they are nice deep down and have no intentions of trying to make a pass at me. I dunno... we are spiritual beings, and I just find it unnessesary to be hugging and cuddling eachother without a close family bubble relationship. I do my sharing of affection with my eyes. Physical bodies emit wayyyy too much energy for me to handle, and yea, like some others have said, it makes me tense and panicky inside.
     
    #17 Ria, Dec 18, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  18. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    I am such a huggy person. But... I realized at some point, that I hated being touched for so long, that I started hugging people out of defense (I'll hug you to get it out of the way, and then I won't be weirded out, because I initiated it). I am a hugger now, but I still don't like it when people approach me first. I consider this an eccentricity.
     
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  19. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    I'm so big on PDA. It probably gets annoying, but I love hugging people! Kisses, too. Nothing gross, just showin' some love. :) Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm INFP or ISFP, in regards to type.
     
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  20. OP
    Gaze

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    QUIT READING MY MIND!!! :m145:
     
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