Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it? | INFJ Forum

Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it?

Gaze

Gaze

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Sep 5, 2009
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Not ready for something you want: How do you handle it?


I think i struggle with this the most is the feeling of wanting something badly but knowing that it's not right for me, i'm not ready for it, or i'm not ready to handle it as much as i may think i am.

How do you handle this?
 
Depends on "what" it is. I mean, is it something that goes against your morals or principles? Is it something you can't afford? Does it relate to someone else? Do you doubt that you "deserve" it? There is no harm in wishing because sometimes they come true. We all yearn...that gentle feeling that someone or something would make us smile and hoping that someday, someway we can achieve or find it.
 
Hmmm. I usually handle it by running away from the opportunity or pretending like I don't want it. Unless I'm really aware, in which case I suck up my insecurities as best as I can and take the plunge.

Honestly all that comes to mind regarding this is relationships.
 
How do handle it? Nervously. Especially if its in the ring against a heavy weight champion who wants to kick my butt.
 
Sometimes (if possible) I try it anyway, and after the experience wonder why I do that to myself.

It's hard to be in that situation, especially if what you want but aren't ready for is what other people also want and are easily ready for (I don't know if that's also part of your experience..). It can help to take steps toward being ready for it - to start with where you are and focus on what you can do to get to where you want to be, and take time to see if you can invite the qualities of what you want into your life in smaller doses or in other ways. It won't replace what you ultimately want but it might ease or facilitate the process. However, in my experience these steps don't necessarily diminish or subside the sadness that can be part of feeling this way. Unfortunately, I don't know that there is another way. You might need to comfort yourself along the way if sadness is part of the process, and keep on trekking while looking out for any rewards that make the journey easier on your heart/soul.

*ponders* I hope this helps and isn't a projection of myself onto the question.
 
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I used to shy away but these days I force myself to stand steady and accept it to the best of my abilities. You never know, I might succeed and reach a new level of empowerment and happiness in life. You can't ever grow if you hang around in your comfort zone all the time. I am facing this situation right now. I have a relationship calling me for which I feel like I can't measure up and meet the standard of it. My partner is so principled and I feel inadequate in a way. But I'm hanging in there doing my best in the hopes that I will measure up and start my life again on a new footing.
 
I don't really know if there's a real answer to this question either, but it's a fact that sometimes we want things we're not ready for. It's just that it sucks to avoid pursuing it when you know that it's not the right time, or that it's just not the right thing. It's that "wanting what you can't have" phenomena. For me, it's not about having something and fearing that i can't handle it, it really is simply wanting something but realizing that it's something i really won't be ready to handle even if I do get it, and learning how to accept it.
 
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if i really want it i'll figure out a way to get it. if it's something truly out of reach then i reason my way out of wanting it, lol...convince myself that i didn't really want it, and remind myself of the the benefits of not having it.
delusion has its uses :p
 
Well, this would require me actually knowing what I want, but for pretend I would probably get too nervous and run from it.
 
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I really want to date, but I don't feel that I am ready to give someone that trust, so I throw myself into my studies and keep busy, so that I won't have time for one
 
You know what I do? I ignore the fact that I know I'm not ready for it. I WANT IT NOW DAMNIT.
:m027:
 
the way i see it, capacity is a state of mind, so although i may not feel i can handle another student i usually can, i just don't want to push myself beyond the means i'm living at right now, though this realization didn't happen overnight.

if i find myself in a situation that i want a certain outcome to take place and yet am hesitant, i usually try to trace this back to Why i feel i'm not ready, sometimes this has merit, sometimes it doesnt. i've found the best solution for me is usually just jump in and do my best to make things work; learn as i go, but if i've already provin to myself that my reasoning is based on fear or some other reason, it gives me that added confidence that i'm doing the right thing inspite of my natural feelings. so i guess tracing my thought patterns back a ways is usually the first step in getting around this for me.
 
I am going through something about wanting something and I am not sure if it is such a good idea, so I am very conflicted over it (see my blog for details). I do understand. Really the best thing to do is just weigh out the positives and negatives of it and see where it goes from there. In somecases you can just go for it and give things a "trial run" (I have done this in the past and will do it again, it tends to give further insight). Of course, that is not always the option. When in doubt, as for advice from other (possibly more experienced) people.
 
KazeCraven said:
Hmmm. I usually handle it by running away from the opportunity or pretending like I don't want it. Unless I'm really aware, in which case I suck up my insecurities as best as I can and take the plunge.
Honestly all that comes to mind regarding this is relationships.
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I do the same thing.
 
thx for responding. Good stuff.
 
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