"Nice girl" personality or stereotype | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

"Nice girl" personality or stereotype

IrenaShav said:
I'm kind of confused about the "nice girl" stereotype...what does the idea of a nice girl stand for in your opinion? Is it just about treating your boyfriend well or more about being generally nice to everyone? Or something else?
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I guess, it's similar to what many have said in the thread so far, that it's a girl who is seen as innocent, who is the "good girl" sorta. She is more conservative sexually in some cases. People's perception vary on this.
 
I would not want to associate myself with someone who doesn't respect me for me. It's not worth it. You just have to be optimistic and say that there is person out there for me who will take the time to get to know me and appreciate me.
 
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Resonance said:
Okay, I'm going to weigh in on the whole 'bad girl' thing because I think you're oversimplifying.
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Of course it's oversimplifying. That is why I originally stated 'that's just the generalities and while you may not find all of these traits all of the time, you will surely see at least some of them."

The point wasn't to make an exhaustive list of behavioral and/or personality traits exclusive to 'bad girls'. The point was to further expound on what Billy said with regards to long term involvement with them and offer a generalized list of behavioral and/or personality traits that inexperienced (or idealistic) males may wish to consider before getting involved. Or put more simply: I was reminding them of the drama that will surely come with the easy sexual access.

If you want to continue this conversation, I think the first step is to define 'nice' and 'bad' because, after looking at your responses to my list, I have doubts we're on the same page. For example:


Yeah. >.> This is more of an 'emotional trigger' thing than a 'bad girl' thing.
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Hysterical screaming fits, violent tantrums, stalking behavior - these are responses to emotional triggers, not emotional triggers in and of themselves. The distinction I make between 'nice' and 'bad' (in this case at least) isn't whether or not triggers exist (we all have them) but how one responds to them. Tantrums and stalking, for example, are rather immature and found with females who haven't yet learned self-control. I am not sure what distinctions you're making between the two terms but, again, I don't think we're in agreement there.

Granted, hysteria and screaming can also be found with females who are suffering from PTSD or some such trauma but given the OP and topic being discussed, I assumed we were discussing these matters in the context of intimate relationships.
 
Korg said:
Of course it's oversimplifying. That is why I originally stated 'that's just the generalities and while you may not find all of these traits all of the time, you will surely see at least some of them."
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Then you can list dozens of traits and even if only 2-3 of them are actually correlated with 'bad girl', you'd still be technically correct. :/
Korg said:
Hysterical screaming fits, violent tantrums, stalking behavior - these are responses to emotional triggers, not emotional triggers in and of themselves.
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Yes, that's what I meant... "Thing" was to indicate that it is related to the concept rather than that the two are literally equivalent. Sorry :s I can be bad with words sometimes.
Korg said:
The distinction I make between 'nice' and 'bad' (in this case at least) isn't whether or not triggers exist (we all have them) but how one responds to them. Tantrums and stalking, for example, are rather immature and found with females who haven't yet learned self-control. I am not sure what distinctions you're making between the two terms but, again, I don't think we're in agreement there.
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Yes, if you define "bad girls" as "girls who exhibit the traits I listed" then you will indeed find a correlation between those traits and 'bad girls'... -.-
Korg said:
Granted, hysteria and screaming can also be found with females who are suffering from PTSD or some such trauma but given the OP and topic being discussed, I assumed we were discussing these matters in the context of intimate relationships.
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Hm? I'm pretty sure this is very precisely relevant to what you said: "History of childhood sexual and/or physical abuse that leads to serious emotional problems"

Unless you meant some OTHER kind of serious emotional problems?
 
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Carrie said:
Some use the "nice girl" persona to rule out women who they say are too nice to date. The assumption is they're not as fun or exciting or that they're a bit boring.
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This has nothing to do with being nice, it's just to do with being boring.
 
I tell you what, if you are boring and super attractive you won't be boring for long ;) - That's to depress you.

If you feel depressed now I'll happily take you all out for a pint and cheer you up.
 
88chaz88 said:
This has nothing to do with being nice, it's just to do with being boring.
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People will sometimes associate being nice with not wanting to try anything or do anything adventurous, etc. This is why nice is often associated with boring. Whether or not they should is another question altogether.
 
i was not seen as a nice girl, but i didn't fall into the bad girl category either.
truth be told i also missed the boat on the sexy girl, pretty girl, popular girl, and talented girl categories as well.
i was the smart girl. guys did not like that. none of them. it sucked to be me.
 
My tastes in men kind of reflect on this...

being "nice" isn't just associated with being a doormat, but also with being overly conservative or unadventurous/boring/stuffy/stiff

I specifically look for men who are "nice" and "gentle", but at the same time I don't want them to be a doormat, mostly because that would break my heart to have to watch. Ideally they should also have a sense of adventure, even if they are conservative. I don't mind conservativeness, including an ideal of conservative gender roles or not wanting to break rules often, but they have to be able to go on adventures with me and do things on a whim, and have a sense of courageousness at least sometimes. They should have enough willingness to let go and express themselves with me, have tickle battles, frustrate me with their perverted humor, race me down sidewalks, etc.

If they're too stiff and unwilling to let go with me, it's like they're not comfortable enough with themselves. If they can't be comfortable with themselves, they can't be comfortable with me. And then I can't be comfortable around them lol.
 
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imo, I think you need a bit of everything. Everybody needs a bit on nice girl, slut and bitch in them.
 
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Korg said:
Agreed.

For those of you who haven't yet done a tour of duty in the world of "bad girls" (party girls, etc), allow me to shine some light on the grotesque reality that is often unseen from the outside where you still naively think it's going to be like a Budweiser commercial of fun and flamboyance.

First of all, yes, you'll probably get laid quickly and the experience of it will be in the ballpark of whatever sleazy, uncouth male fantasy you've been wanting to live out for awhile. That's the short term payoff and, let's face it, the only payoff that anyone is bearing in mind. Here's the long term surcharges that come with it:

  • Histrionic behavior like you can't even imagine (hysterical screaming fits, violent tantrums, stalking behavior, etc)
  • Eating disorders
  • Drug and alcohol addictions
  • Psychotic ex boyfriends
  • STD's and high risk sexual behavior
  • History of childhood sexual and/or physical abuse that leads to serious emotional problems
  • Inability to remain monogamous
  • Compulsive lying and manipulation without any sense of remorse
  • Mountains of financial debt that they'll probably be paying off for life
  • Bottomless pits of low self esteem that can never be filled
  • Criminal records
  • Uses abortion as a contraceptive method
  • Poor hygiene
...the list could go on for a while, really. That's just the generalities and while you may not find all of these traits all of the time, you will surely see at least some of them. And that's a lot to put up with for some easy pussy.
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If I have one of those qualities does that make me a bad girl?
 
GracieRuth said:
That's the way I learned it. It kind of goes with the saying that some girls you want to date, other girls you want to marry.

A guy told me once that what a lot of guys look for is the girl who is good in public, but bad just when alone with them. :D
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This is true. I dont want to date a girl who acts a fool and looks like a slut all the time, but I want her to be my personal little slut when we are alone. I pull the same act, in public I try to be squeaky clean, alone, I am a complete SLUT!
 
Carrie said:
But girls are sometimes victims of the "nice girl" stereotype as well.
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Yes, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. "Nice guys" always finish last, "nice girls" are mostly sought after. I find nice girls (not as in enthusiastic, but as in silent innocence) rather boring.
 
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