Martyr Complex | INFJ Forum

Martyr Complex

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Raccoon Love, Dec 14, 2009.

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  1. Raccoon Love

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    How much of a martyr are you? is it true that this is common in INFJ's?..How far would you put others ahead of yourself?...

    I am pretty much a martyr, I enjoy helping others, and putting their needs ahead of my own, this has caused some problems and has caused many people to take advantage..I have had constant dreams/fantasies/daydreams about me risking my life for somebody or a group of people in which I act sort of like the ''hero'' and end up killing myself, I know this might sound kind of weird..but has this happened to anyone before?
     
  2. IndigoSensor

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    I have been taken advantage enough in my life to be able to reconize when it is about to happen, or when it is happening. As such I will duck out of that situation and prevent it from happening further.

    However, I still go out of my way to help people, and I seldom take care of myself. It isn't so much that I feel like I don't deserve to be taken care of. It is more that I just don't see myself as important compared to the obligations that are placed in front of me. As such, those things will take precedence over me. It wasn't until recently that I got better at helping myself, and I was sort of forced into this anyway (not a bad thing).

    Fe by it's very nature is a martyr. Others needs before personal needs.
     
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  3. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    My mother is a martyr...I struggle every day not to be like her...
     
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  4. Billy

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    I am a martyr, I would gladly go to the grave to defend specific principles and ideas. I would rather die right, then live wrong or marginalized morally.
     
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  5. Gaze

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    +1
     
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  6. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

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  7. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    I don't think I am much of a martyr at this stage of my life. I think I used to be in junior high. I let others take advantage of me, like letting them use my notes and help them out with assignments more than I should have, but it was mostly about getting them off my back. It was easier to do this rather than explain why I wouldn't do it. I always knew they were using me and I'd never get the kind of satisfaction from interacting with them as I would have liked but it was ok in a way because I didn't really care that much about fitting in or pretending to be somebody I'm not just because I could get some attention.

    I like helping people but now I put myself first most of the time. I still care about others and about their performance but I think about completing my own work first. I do feel a responsibility to take charge in group projects when I'm forced to work in groups, mostly because of my perfectionism and I take on much more than I should because I don't trust others' performance or their quality of work that much. I don't like making others feel guilty for it, though. So, I internalize feeling hurt by not being appreciated for taking on the work because I'm rarely thanked for it. I'd like to be appreciated at least.

    But I wouldn't compromise my internal beliefs either and if the situation demands it and I feel strongly about it, I would step up for others at my own expense. It all depends on the situation.
     
    #7 Isis, Dec 14, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2009
  8. Matariki

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    Im a ENTP martyr.:m163:
     
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  9. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I would say that all my life, I have put everyone else's needs before my own.

    Now, I'm in a place in my life, where I have to learn to be selfish; odd as that sounds, it is the only way, sometimes.

    So yea, it doesn't feel natural at all, yet strangely freeing if given permission and good reason to do so in certain circumstances...
     
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  10. BenW

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    I'm a martyr by proxy.
    I'd shove somebody else on a grenade.
     
  11. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    O Ben... sigh, lol
     
  12. NeverAmI

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    I am the same way. I will go a LONG ways to help someone that has shown me kindness. Usually I am pretty good at sniffing out a piece of shit, but sometimes I still get fooled.

    I try to be selfish, but being that way I struggle with not despising myself even more. I am trying to find balance and come to terms with being a chump.
     
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    #12 NeverAmI, Dec 14, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2009
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  13. SweetDreams

    SweetDreams Regular Poster

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    This.

    I have a feeling that my mum is also an infj, and because i remind her
    so much of herself she gets frustrated at me. I think that her life
    experiences, with people always taking advantage of her nature,
    has made her bitter. For this reason she is always telling me to change
    myself-to be more happy-go-lucky and 'out there' and to think
    about myself first...i agree with you Entyqua, it's really, really hard.
     
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  14. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    i think i can consider myself a martyr :) hihi i always put others' needs before my own. because i really really like to give love and share love to other people. i love making people feel loved and cared. i love getting deeply connected with people. i love being in harmony with people. i love loving too much that almost all of the times, i am the one left unloved...it hurts but i don't know why i still continue to love :)

    most of the times, if i get abandoned, hurt emotionally and psychologically, unwanted, rejected, sometimes i really feel sad because i know how much i loved them all and in the end i get these :(

    it's hard.. but it's fulfilling when you find the people who appreciate you loving them and can see how much you love them.. although only a few see that but i just feel so happy and positive when people appreciate it
     
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  15. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    <--- Total martyr - it's one of my very worst traits.
     
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  16. Solar Empath

    Solar Empath Community Member

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    Amen. :)
     
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  17. testing

    On Holiday

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    Yeah, got one of these in my family too, and it sort of muddies up the definition of the word "martyr" because.... how to articulate? It's not really helping people or caring about others, it's only pretending to do so in a sort of sick-o competitive, my-life-sucks-more-than-yours manner. It's also so, so annoying.

    I don't think I am a martyr (perfectly capable of enjoying myself and taking care of myself, thanks...) but at the same time, it seems just normal to help others. And by helping others, I do not mean laying a guilt trip on others. Have occassionally gotten in trouble leaping to the defense of people who didn't particularly want it.
     
  18. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I am plenty giving and foolishly generous, but I do it because I want to...no martydom here.
     
  19. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Oh yeah. I do try to limit it to the people I actually care about though. For others, I suppose not so much although there is still something.
    My parents and friends often told me to stop that behavior, and I do try. Sadly, it's not really working. :/
     
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  20. Celsius100

    Celsius100 Community Member

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    I'm definitely a martyr more often than I'd always like. I enjoy helping others out as much as possible, but that reaches a bit of an extreme at points where it's hurt my own situation a bit, but I still help another person out.

    It's shown through especially well at the jobs I've held where I end up working well past my shift for a customers sake or even have received calls and texts asking for help when I'm off the clock, and end up too focused on getting their stuff done to get my own work any closer to completion.

    As a notable example, I work as technical support (work-study) at my college right now, and have had people track me down halfway across the building to help out in the same room that the tech-on-duty was sitting in more than once during these most recent finals. This includes professors and students alike. I finally ended up snapping at someone in frustration since I had lost a few hours of valuable work time with a number of major issues. Of course looking up, I realized it was my professor for one of my classes.

    I've definitely been subject to volunteering more time than I can afford though whether I've wanted to or not. Again, I usually am more than happy to oblige, but I have a hard time telling people that I can't help.
     
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