INFJs can't take compliments - true? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

INFJs can't take compliments - true?

Do INFJs have trouble taking a compliments?

  • Yes

    Votes: 42 59.2%

  • No

    Votes: 13 18.3%

  • I can't get enough! Praise me moooorrrrre!

    Votes: 7 9.9%

  • What's a compliment? Can I have one?

    Votes: 5 7.0%

  • I'm not an INFJ, but I can't resist voting on polls.

    Votes: 4 5.6%
  • Total voters
    71
Nicola Jane said:
Complements are nice when they are sincere but whether they are or not I can't accept them! A typical one for me is: Someone: "Oh I really like your dress"; Me: "Oh thanks...
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Wyst said:
So here's what I'd like to see some discussion about:
Do INFJ's have trouble taking compliments or not?

Here's a couple reasons they might:
a) They don't want to become the center of attention in a group
b) They don't want to be thought of as prideful or being a braggert by honestly accepting said compliment and saying, "Yeah, I've been working out" (or something like that)
c) They're actually so happy they got a compliment they freak out and go hermit on the complimentor.
d) In a sick, sick way they become self-depricating trying to get the complimentor to compliment them more.
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Yes, they do, and those descriptions are frightenly accurate. I never know how to respond to a compliment. Other reasons apart from those you mentioned include:

Part of the inner psychology of someone who doesn't take compliments well.

1) I think the person is lying, or saying it just to be nice
2) I feel it's not truly deserved. I even tend to think, "If they really knew me, they wouldn't give me such a compliment."
3) I think compliments are often underhanded insults - In other words, "you're good at this" because (I never expected you to be good at it in the first place, or I'm surprised you can do these things, it doesn't seem like you")
4) In the back of my mind, compliments are less a reflection on me than the person who is giving them. So, it's because this person is nice, why I'm receiving a compliment, not because of what I've done. Or, it's because this person may not know about something why they think it is so amazing that I know it, which is less a personal distinction than a matter of knowing vs. not knowing.
5) Sometimes, I allow a compliment to, as they say, "Get to my head." So, instead of accepting it humbly, I obsess about it, and what I means. It's quite ridiculous actually.

Yeah, I know. Sounds crazy, right? I kinda think so too. Probably need to get some compliment therapy :m083: . . . soon.
 
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I have a hard time accepting compliments because I feel like I'm now expected to act sort of a way as to not disappoint that person.

"You are great guy."

This is what my mind hears:

"You are a great guy that will never do anything wrong, so you have to be perfect."

Compliments give me burdens lol
 
I enjoy receiving compliments. I am not motivated solely be appealing to others, and constructive criticism is as important to me as compliments, but I am certainly not indifferent!
 
Restraint said:
Yes, they do, and those descriptions are frightenly accurate. I never know how to respond to a compliment. Other reasons apart from those you mentioned include:

Part of the inner psychology of someone who doesn't take compliments well.

1) I think the person is lying, or saying it just to be nice
2) I feel it's not truly deserved. I even tend to think, "If they really knew me, they wouldn't give me such a compliment."
3) I think compliments are often underhanded insults - In other words, "you're good at this" because (I never expected you to be good at it in the first place, or I'm surprised you can do these things, it doesn't seem like you")
4) In the back of my mind, compliments are less a reflection on me than the person who is giving them. So, it's because this person is nice, why I'm receiving a compliment, not because of what I've done. Or, it's because this person may not know about something why they think it is so amazing that I know it, which is less a personal distinction than a matter of knowing vs. not knowing.
5) Sometimes, I allow a compliment to, as they say, "Get to my head." So, instead of accepting it humbly, I obsess about it, and what I means. It's quite ridiculous actually.

Yeah, I know. Sounds crazy, right? I kinda think so too. Probably need to get some compliment therapy :m083: . . . soon.
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omg, I really do think we r the same person sometimes!
 
I'm generally suspicious. If someone gives me a compliment the first thing I ask myself is usually: "What do they want from me?" I know it's stupid. I also feel uncomfortable receiving compliments. Usually I mutter something incomprehensible and quickly change the subject.
 
Nela said:
I'm generally suspicious. If someone gives me a compliment the first thing I ask myself is usually: "What do they want from me?" I know it's stupid. I also feel uncomfortable receiving compliments. Usually I mutter something incomprehensible and quickly change the subject.
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I really like your post!

::listens closely to hear the muttered response::
 
I would say that we are more inclined towards that specific behavior. I cannot take compliments in person for anything, I feel embarrassed and I don't know how or what to say without coming off looking like a moron. My brother is an INFJ as well and he is the same way.
 
My acceptance comes out of necessity. I have found the power in expressing satisfaction and sincerity.

When someone compliments me, I graciously accept that compliment. This puts that other person at ease. They take a risk by putting that compliment out there. That other person does not want to feel too forward, and if you do not accept the compliment they will feel like they just did that. Then you get akwardness. I don't like akwardness, especially at work!

If the compliment was indeed too forward, I make it into a joke, but in a way that makes it known that it was too forward without making the situation akward.

I have spent a lot of time working on this.
 
IndigoSensor said:
Translation: The INFJ's insessive need for constant feedback on everything :D
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So that isn't just me, that's INFJ stuff too eh?

It drives me insane if I am discussing something emotional with an SO or close friend and they don't respond to every point.. not flip out on you insane, but my stress level climbs and I start over analyzing the omission.
 
Solar Empath said:
So that isn't just me, that's INFJ stuff too eh?

It drives me insane if I am discussing something emotional with an SO or close friend and they don't respond to every point.. not flip out on you insane, but my stress level climbs and I start over analyzing the omission.
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I can completely relate to this, LOL.

During my reviews at work, I would ask my old boss to tell me how I could improve. He would say, "Nothing, just keep it up, you are doing great." This drove me INSANE!!! I NEED GOAAAAALS!!!!
 
when someone complements me its usually something that i already know they are going to say. so i just laugh and say thank you.
 
...I get this alot guys...I have such a hard time accepting praise...(perhaps its because of my childhood) But taking compliments is so hard for me...

All I hear is "Your too humble"
"you dont give yourself enough credit"
 
There are a lot of good posts here. I too do not particularly like compliments--sounds like most INFJ's don't for various reasons. I have, in the past, felt most of what others like Restaint and Entyqua have posted here. I guess where I come from now on this that I don't feel the need to be validated by someone elses opinion. I measure myself against my own standard, and them telling me I've met their's doesn't mean a lot, and can even be a little insulting at times.

I'm not sure if you would call this confidance or isolationism--and I'm not sure I would care what someone called it! LOL
 
Questingpoet said:
I measure myself against my own standard, and them telling me I've met their's doesn't mean a lot, and can even be a little insulting at times.
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I agree.
 
I used to never take compliments, but then my sister told me that the more I disregard them, to more people will stop wanting to praise me for good things that I do.

I used to always wave them off, but now, I just smile and say thanks. It's one of the few sugary things I've actually trained myself to do.
 
I have no more problem if anyone gives me compliment. I can accept that.
 
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