INFJs and internet relationships/LDRs
- Thread starter Wyst
- Start date
Episode IV
Leaving the beach was like putting down a good book. I just wanted to stay in that moment. Freeze it in time so it would be eternally a new experience. But the party was calling. The party where I was going to meet her closest group of friends and the BFF.
As it turns out, I wasn't the first guy Karen had met online. She had met 2 other men before. The previous internet relationships didn't last too long before they ended. From what little she had told me that day, I understood that one of the men whom she had introduced to the BFF didn't meet standards. The BFF did not give her stamp of approval and a blessing was not given for the relationship. While I didn't think the BFF could actually ruin my relationship with Karen, I did feel a lot of apprehension.
At this point I'd like to remind you of the situation. I just met this girl online four weeks before. Exchanged all of maybe... 20 emails? Talked on the phone for several hours and I hadn't even spent a total of 24 hours together with her yet. To my very self-protecting INFJ personality, I had already parachuted into the middle of the ocean. Now I realized there were potentially sharks and rough waters where I had jumped into. That's how I felt going in to this party where all her friends would be. I hate parties. Especially with lots of people. Especially when I don't know ANY of them. It was my worst nightmare.
How should I act? What do I say? What if the BFF corners me in a room and she's got a video camera and wants to know what I like most about Karen? The walls began closing in and I felt myself wanting to completely retreat into my INFJ shell. Karen parked the car and we both got out. Holding hands, we walked down the street and up to the house. My legs felt like lead. I wanted to vomit.
We walked inside and from a quick survey of the room, through my peripheral vision that was slowly turning tunnel vision on me, I saw there were about 20 people there... in the rooms that I could see. Various greetings were thrown out and a few girls came by to give Karen hugs and say hello. Karen introduced me as her boyfriend. Apparently this wasn't a surprise to anyone in the room. So not only had Karen been talking to her friends about me before my arrival in California, but had also been thinking about a relationship with me. No one batted an eyelash when she said, "boyfriend".
People were very nice and friendly, thankfully. In an effort to make me feel welcome and comfortable, people asked me lots of questions. About the trip from North Carolina, about what I did for a living (at the time I was a Japanese translator at a small manufacturing company), how I started learning Japanese, about my family etc. There were no awkward silences or transitions where everyone was looking at me with crickets chirping in the background.
The BFF eventually approached me with another friend in tow. Then to my gut-wrenching horror, Karen let go of my hand and said she needed to go talk to someone. "I can't believe she's leaving me alone with the BFF", I thought. I hoped my face didn't betray the, "Don't leave meeeeeeee" feeling that came from inside of me.
to be continued...
Leaving the beach was like putting down a good book. I just wanted to stay in that moment. Freeze it in time so it would be eternally a new experience. But the party was calling. The party where I was going to meet her closest group of friends and the BFF.
As it turns out, I wasn't the first guy Karen had met online. She had met 2 other men before. The previous internet relationships didn't last too long before they ended. From what little she had told me that day, I understood that one of the men whom she had introduced to the BFF didn't meet standards. The BFF did not give her stamp of approval and a blessing was not given for the relationship. While I didn't think the BFF could actually ruin my relationship with Karen, I did feel a lot of apprehension.
At this point I'd like to remind you of the situation. I just met this girl online four weeks before. Exchanged all of maybe... 20 emails? Talked on the phone for several hours and I hadn't even spent a total of 24 hours together with her yet. To my very self-protecting INFJ personality, I had already parachuted into the middle of the ocean. Now I realized there were potentially sharks and rough waters where I had jumped into. That's how I felt going in to this party where all her friends would be. I hate parties. Especially with lots of people. Especially when I don't know ANY of them. It was my worst nightmare.
How should I act? What do I say? What if the BFF corners me in a room and she's got a video camera and wants to know what I like most about Karen? The walls began closing in and I felt myself wanting to completely retreat into my INFJ shell. Karen parked the car and we both got out. Holding hands, we walked down the street and up to the house. My legs felt like lead. I wanted to vomit.
We walked inside and from a quick survey of the room, through my peripheral vision that was slowly turning tunnel vision on me, I saw there were about 20 people there... in the rooms that I could see. Various greetings were thrown out and a few girls came by to give Karen hugs and say hello. Karen introduced me as her boyfriend. Apparently this wasn't a surprise to anyone in the room. So not only had Karen been talking to her friends about me before my arrival in California, but had also been thinking about a relationship with me. No one batted an eyelash when she said, "boyfriend".
People were very nice and friendly, thankfully. In an effort to make me feel welcome and comfortable, people asked me lots of questions. About the trip from North Carolina, about what I did for a living (at the time I was a Japanese translator at a small manufacturing company), how I started learning Japanese, about my family etc. There were no awkward silences or transitions where everyone was looking at me with crickets chirping in the background.
The BFF eventually approached me with another friend in tow. Then to my gut-wrenching horror, Karen let go of my hand and said she needed to go talk to someone. "I can't believe she's leaving me alone with the BFF", I thought. I hoped my face didn't betray the, "Don't leave meeeeeeee" feeling that came from inside of me.
to be continued...
Last edited:
Episode V
So she left me standing encircled by her friends, approached by the BFF.
I can't remember exactly what we talked about. Seriously. It must have not been that bad or I must have been so apprehensive I switched into survival/autopilot mode. Eventually Karen came back to check on me. Finding me still in one piece, she left again. Now I was talking to an older man. He was very excited to meet me and just went on and on about what a great girl I had found.
He began asking me about what I do for a living and how I got interested in it. "Do you like doing what you do? Have you ever thought about starting your own business translating? We have lots of opportunities here in California where you Japanese skills would be in demand". And so the thought was planted in my mind. California, huh?
Shortly after that, we left. I was so glad that our 'appearance' at the party was finished. I told her, "Hey let's go to Best Buy. I want to buy you something". "For what?" "Well, it's not really for you. It's a present for me". When we got to Best Buy, I bought her a webcam. "Aah, so the present really was for you wasn't it?" "Yeah, but I'll buy one for me when I get back to North Carolina. Deal?" "Deal". More bliss on the ride back to her place. I wanted to make sure that the camera worked and that she knew how to use it before I left in the morning. Yes, I hadn't event spent a full day with her yet and I was leaving the next morning. As we drove back to her place, we held hands over the parking brake. I'd always wanted to hold hands with a girl like that. I'd seen it so many times in movies.
Once we got back to her place we went quietly inside. Her parents were already upstairs asleep. It didn't take long to hook to camera up to her laptop and get it working. Awesome. Now, instead of talking on the phone, we could chat over Skype and see each other. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to go back to long distance correspondence now that I'd spent time with her, ate with her, held her hand, laugh together. It was misery when she dropped me off at the hotel that night. "See you tomorrow.." we both said.
I called her the next morning and asked if she'd bring some tylenol or something. I had a headache. "Of course," she said, "Do you want me to make you a sandwich or something for the plane?". I said that that'd be great. "See you in an hour."
When she picked me up, I got in the car and she gave me the sandwich she had packed. "The tylenol is inside the bag", she said. We started driving, and the 20 minutes to the airport was over in a flash. Once we got inside, I checked in, and we waited outside of security, chatting, dreading the my departure. "Are you going to be ok?", she said asking about my headache. "Yeah, I'll make it." I replied. "So when do you think we'll get to see each other again?" "How about if I come see you this time?" "In North Carolina?" "Yeah." "Ok, great - I know some people at church that can probably put you up for a few nights". "Ok that sounds good".
We talked about how much fun it was to finally have gotten to meet each other. Made some more plans about her flight to see me. Decided on a date. 3 weeks later. I only had to wait three more weeks. "I think I can survive 3 weeks", I thought. Finally, I had to get in line and go through security. She holding my hand across the waiting line rope-barrier. When there were only two more people in front of me, she said, 'Hey', and pulled me towards her and kissed me. Right in front of everyone. I remember thinking, "Wow.. finally, I'm that guy kissing a girl in the airport". I didn't want to leave. "I'll miss you," she said. "I'll miss you too", I said, mind reeling. I went through security and turned around and waved goodbye as I grinned ridiculously. "Three weeks", I thought.
to be continued...
So she left me standing encircled by her friends, approached by the BFF.
I can't remember exactly what we talked about. Seriously. It must have not been that bad or I must have been so apprehensive I switched into survival/autopilot mode. Eventually Karen came back to check on me. Finding me still in one piece, she left again. Now I was talking to an older man. He was very excited to meet me and just went on and on about what a great girl I had found.
He began asking me about what I do for a living and how I got interested in it. "Do you like doing what you do? Have you ever thought about starting your own business translating? We have lots of opportunities here in California where you Japanese skills would be in demand". And so the thought was planted in my mind. California, huh?
Shortly after that, we left. I was so glad that our 'appearance' at the party was finished. I told her, "Hey let's go to Best Buy. I want to buy you something". "For what?" "Well, it's not really for you. It's a present for me". When we got to Best Buy, I bought her a webcam. "Aah, so the present really was for you wasn't it?" "Yeah, but I'll buy one for me when I get back to North Carolina. Deal?" "Deal". More bliss on the ride back to her place. I wanted to make sure that the camera worked and that she knew how to use it before I left in the morning. Yes, I hadn't event spent a full day with her yet and I was leaving the next morning. As we drove back to her place, we held hands over the parking brake. I'd always wanted to hold hands with a girl like that. I'd seen it so many times in movies.
Once we got back to her place we went quietly inside. Her parents were already upstairs asleep. It didn't take long to hook to camera up to her laptop and get it working. Awesome. Now, instead of talking on the phone, we could chat over Skype and see each other. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to go back to long distance correspondence now that I'd spent time with her, ate with her, held her hand, laugh together. It was misery when she dropped me off at the hotel that night. "See you tomorrow.." we both said.
I called her the next morning and asked if she'd bring some tylenol or something. I had a headache. "Of course," she said, "Do you want me to make you a sandwich or something for the plane?". I said that that'd be great. "See you in an hour."
When she picked me up, I got in the car and she gave me the sandwich she had packed. "The tylenol is inside the bag", she said. We started driving, and the 20 minutes to the airport was over in a flash. Once we got inside, I checked in, and we waited outside of security, chatting, dreading the my departure. "Are you going to be ok?", she said asking about my headache. "Yeah, I'll make it." I replied. "So when do you think we'll get to see each other again?" "How about if I come see you this time?" "In North Carolina?" "Yeah." "Ok, great - I know some people at church that can probably put you up for a few nights". "Ok that sounds good".
We talked about how much fun it was to finally have gotten to meet each other. Made some more plans about her flight to see me. Decided on a date. 3 weeks later. I only had to wait three more weeks. "I think I can survive 3 weeks", I thought. Finally, I had to get in line and go through security. She holding my hand across the waiting line rope-barrier. When there were only two more people in front of me, she said, 'Hey', and pulled me towards her and kissed me. Right in front of everyone. I remember thinking, "Wow.. finally, I'm that guy kissing a girl in the airport". I didn't want to leave. "I'll miss you," she said. "I'll miss you too", I said, mind reeling. I went through security and turned around and waved goodbye as I grinned ridiculously. "Three weeks", I thought.
to be continued...
Need . . . more . . .
