INFJs and internet relationships/LDRs

Someone PMed me asking if I'd share my story with them about my experience with internet dating. They were ok with me posting it in a thread rather than responding by PM so here we go.



I don't think my experience is unique or special but I have noticed that many INFJs seem curious about meeting someone through the internet. It's as anonymous as you make it, safe (from a devasting rejection POV), and you can spend literally HOURS forumlating your response so you take every possible reaction in account before asking/answering a question. Hopefully my little foray into internet dating will answer some questions other's might have.

The original requester will remain anonymous so don't bother speculating as to who they are. Anyone may feel free to post questions but I would like to point out that I'm not asking for advice or opinions. I'm simply telling my story.

A couple of points about me to give some background...
- I'm a Christian
- I'll be 29 next month
- I've dated two girls in my life
- Neither relationship lasted longer than 2 months
- I was homeschooled until I entered uni

Put these pieces to gether and you'll probably come up with:
- Not good with girls
- Practically zero experience when it comes to dating
- Always thought of as a nice guy (aka eternally 'friend-zoned')

When I was two years ago right about this time of year I had created an account on a Christian dating website. Yes, I was tired of being single, but I wanted to find someone who shared my beliefs and worldview. It wasn't long before I found her.

Let's call her...'Karen'. Karen was also:
-Christian
-Not much dating experience
-Homeschooled
-Was an ENTP

Looked like things were off to a good start in terms of initial matching. So I decided to contact her. It wasn't long before I received a response. As we exchanged messages, my message to her grew very lengthy.

I felt as though this was finally the person I had been looking for. We complimented each other in just about every respect. It was intoxicating. I found myself holding back though. I felt like I couldn't let on that I really liked her that much. I mean.. I didn't want to give her the wrong idea if I was going to end up changing my mind.
We saw eye to eye on everything. Even our interests were fairly similar.....

to be continued... - there's a flash meeting here at work...

 

Part 2

...

So our interests also overlapped in several areas:
- conservative reformed theology
- we both were short - she was a solid 6 inches shorter than I. Very rare for when you (I mean me) are only 5'5". Yes, she was 4'11".
- very close relationships with our family members
- i have an adopted sister and think it's great, she wanted to adopt someday
- our last names both started with the same letter and were different name brands of the same kind of food product. Crazy.
... really I could go on..

I wasn't sure how much more I could take.. by that, I mean the slow process of getting to know her through one email a day. Eventually, I asked her for her phone number. I was more nervous about the situation itself than I was actually nervous about talking with her. She put me at ease in so many ways it just felt natural talking with her - the only think I was scared of were the occassional awkward silences.

Back then, I was living in North Carolina. She was in California. Honestly, the distance didn't bother me one bit. I was so excited to find someone that I enjoyed corresponding with. Having something to look forward to every day (emailing/texting her) absolutely transformed my attitude about everything. All of the sudden, I found myself thinking, "I wonder what Karen thinks about that movie" "Hmm, Karen would probably say ____ right about now".

So I went home (Texas) for Christmas and spoke at length with my family about how insanely crazy I was about this girl. I could not believe I found someone that actually liked me back. It was like a dream. That stuff does NOT happen to me.

I don't say that flippantly so I'll repeat it again:
I could not believe I found someone that actually liked me back. It was like a dream. That stuff does NOT happen to me.

I felt it was time to let her know that I was beginning to get serious about my friendship with her. I wanted her to know what I was thinking and where this all was headed.

So I called a day or so after Christmas and told her that I had really enjoyed getting to know her over the past couple of weeks (probably just 3) and that I wanted to continue getting to know her better but only if it was heading in a direction that we both agreed on. I told her that I wanted us to think about starting a relationship. She told me that she felt exactly the same way. Out of the blue I said, "I want to come see you". It's like she was waiting for me to say it. With zero hesitation in her voice she responded that she would really like that.

We discussed dates that would work and within the next day or so, I bought a plane ticket to fly out to see her. I would be seeing her in less than 2 weeks. I literally thought my heart would explode from happiness and anticipation.

to be continued...

 

Sorry!.... Friday's are always filled with meetings..

 

Episode III

The plane ride lasted longer than the usual amount of time it takes to fly from North Carolina to California. I think it took about 3 days. That's what it felt like to me, at least.

When I got off the plane it felt like an out of body experience. I was walking but it wasn't me walking. Not quite sure how I actually got off the plane. All of the sudden it's like... boom. There she was.

Talk about awkwardly amazing. We stood in front of each other for a second and had this look on our faces like, "So here you are!" "So here I am!"

She said, "I'm not quite sure what to do in situations like this but how about a hug?" I thought I would pass out. Not really. But this girl I just set eyes on in person was gunning for a hug??? The hug was nice. Very nice.

Then we went out for dinner, coffee at Barnes and Noble.. then I went to my hotel. I think we were out until about 1 am (for me on N.C. time, it was about 5am). The conversation was a lot of fun. We talked mostly about what we'd do that weekend. I wanted to meet her parents so they could at least know who exactly was talking to their daughter on the phone.

I met her family the next day for lunch at their house. I was incredibly reserved - sooooooo out of my element. "I don't DO stuff like this!!" I kept telling myself, "Everyone is looking at YOU... waiting for you to screw up... drool.. or pick your nose."

Finally lunch ended. There were no threats, or trips to the garage where her dad cleaned his guns in front of me. I thought the verdict was still up in the air but she assured me that they 'loved me'. Heh... if you say so...

Then we went to a park. Walked around. Looked at flowers.. some cool trees. Eventually sat down on a bench and I couldn't believe the words that came out of my mouth. But out they went.

"So I've really enjoyed getting to meet you, Karen. I think that it's the confirmation I needed that I want to pursue a relationship with you. A serious, committed relationship."

She felt the same way.

"So does this mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?" What a stupid question at 26 years old. "Yeah I guess so"

"So what do we tell our family? I guess it won't be a surprise to them.." "Nope"

"What about our friends? Are we going to put this on facebook and change our relationship status?" "Yeah, why not?"

*Mentally, I'm punching and kicking the air and screaming like I won the lottery*

We had some time to kill before going to a party where I would then meet several of her friends, including the BFF. We decided to take a walk on the beach. About halfway down the beach, I stopped and said, "This is gonna sound really stupid but.. can I hold your hand?" She got the biggest grin on her face like, "Of course you can, silly (Gah! Finally!)" So we walked on the beach hand in hand until the sun started going down and it got cold.

to be continued...

 

Thanks, you two.

 

Umm... you guys are kidding me, right?