INFJs and feeling like you'll never find love | Page 6 | INFJ Forum

INFJs and feeling like you'll never find love

Detective Conan said:
I personally think that these four "guides" need disclaimers or boundary markers. You can definitely go too far in your efforts and essentially sabotage yourself. I'd hope that would be common sense... but that's not always the case.
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Yeah, I didn't include "validate feelings" for that reason. It's too easy to become a surrogate parent, rather than potential lover, by going too far with that one.

The other four will probably be fine for an intuitive...I hope. I'm sure the approach won't be perfect but it doesn't have to if its just romance. Knowing the best approaches is the art of seduction, and that really is an art.
 
We need to have an INFJ: I attract gays club
 
TaylorS said:
LOL, that's the story of my life, but last time I got lucky, my last GF was bi. :D
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Oh shush! >_> just kidding of course, lucky you.

gloomy-optimist said:
We need to have an INFJ: I attract gays club
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GO FOR IT! *does weird Numa Numa spazz*

Satya said:
Yeah, I didn't include "validate feelings" for that reason. It's too easy to become a surrogate parent, rather than potential lover, by going too far with that one.

The other four will probably be fine for an intuitive...I hope. I'm sure the approach won't be perfect but it doesn't have to if its just romance. Knowing the best approaches is the art of seduction, and that really is an art.
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Well, and this is kind of joking, here are the four options you had, but with the "what to avoids" in bold 8D

Satya said:
1. Show genuine interest. But don't follow them home, hack their computers, or set up a camera in there room.
 2. Be generous with praise and compliments. Remember, though, nobody likes an ass-kisser.
3. Use touch when you can. (a gentle touch on the arm, stroking of hair, holding hands, etc.) No means no! Remember that.
4. Find ways to show him that you care about him/her. This does not include breaking one of their windows with a brick that has a threatmantic letter taped to it.
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Interestingly, all my GFs started out as good friends, I never had a GF from the stereotypical date with a girl I didn't know well. And those ex-GFs have still been friends after we broke up.
 
Lol this is funny :D

And, sorry lucretiia, but no :B
 
gloomy-optimist said:
Nope. He's waiting to make sure it's actually there. Words are something; consistent actions are another.

The reason why showing interest in passion is important, whether it be about the relationship or not, is that it shows that you care. There are some things that people don't care to learn about in other people, and showing interest in something that he has a great passion for is a great way to show that you're interested in HIM, which will help him open up.

There's really no quick fixes, unfortunately. It takes a lot of time for most INFJs...
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This is spot on.

I remember when I had this thing going with an ENTP...

She was really worried about the relationship because I was still very reserved emotionally. I didn't let those walls down until I knew we were in a committed relationship.

Even then, I still still really guarded about moving forward too quickly because I was afraid that:
1) I might scare her by how much I really liked her
2) She didn't like me as much as I liked her - I had to be sure she was in it as much as I was in it
3) I've jumped into things too quickly before and they didn't work out mainly because I was so excited about something working out that I didn't pay attention to the warning signs. I just didn't want to repeat my mistakes again and end up hurting her because of a lack of due caution.
 
Detective Conan said:
HEY! I am not gay, thank you very much...
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Same here. lol

Satya said:
Unfortunately, I have yet to meet an INFJ who isn't to some degree a romantic. However, you are in luck. Romance isn't an art; it's a science. INTPs are usually pretty good at science. The key to understanding how to use romance is to study it. Learn the method. I'll even give you some tiips...

1. Show genuine interest.
2. Be generous with praise and compliments.
3. Use touch when you can. (a gentle touch on the arm, stroking of hair, holding hands, etc.)
4. Find ways to show him that you care about him.

The method to romance it to make them feel good about being with you. That is all there is to it. The flowers, chocolates, cards, music, mood lighting, lovey dovey nonsense, etc. is all a ploy to get a person to know you are interested and to get them to like being around you. INFJs feel especially good about people who can put them in a good mood and so they tend to be romantic.
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Good advice.

Heh, I'm accused of being a romantic to a fault. The fault being that I'm SO much of a romantic I'll always be disappointed by reality because it won't live up to my romantic ideals.
I like fun chick flicks but I have no chick to watch them with... :m093:
 
You know, this thread got me to thinking.

When I was 16 (that was awhile back...) I met a guy and we immediately connected. I feel it was the only time in my life where I truly connected with someone like myself. He was probably an INFJ as well... it was magical. I know that's cliche, but it really sums up how it felt. After a while, though, he started to change. He started going down a dark and rebellious path. He started ignoring me and his personality changed. He began to associate with completely different people. It was heartbreaking. Every now and then, I wonder what he is doing in his life right now, and I just hope that he's happy wherever he is.

I think sometimes that people change and decide to take a different path. You can't help it and you must accept it.

I guess I'm not contributing to this thread, just reminiscing :m035:.
 
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TheDaringHatTrick said:
I don't claim to know how you present yourself to other people in real life, and I don't have any other insight into who you are, but I thought I'd point out that just from reading your post, I got a very pessimistic vibe. It's not what you were saying (and I do understand your situation and sympathize), it was how you said it. The most prominent, poignant vocabulary in your post was extremely negative. I was moved into a really foul mindset as soon as I finished reading, and I didn't know why until I read it over again. That was when I noticed some of your word choices.

Words like "ancient," "greatest tragedy," "not a lovable person" and oscillating between extremes, "nothing" to "everything"... It made your situation, although unfortunate, feel ten times worse than it truly is.

I really hope that's not how you represent your situation to yourself on a daily basis. I also hope that this type of negativity doesn't slip on through your interactions with other people. You might not be actively trying to communicate pessimistic thoughts, but it's quite possible that your rhetoric might be betraying your mindset. I wonder if other people pick up on the same negative vibe I did as a result.

Then again, it could be that you express yourself differently on paper/screen, and that you were consciously trying to paint this sort of picture... but if you weren't, check yourself next time you're talking to another person and try to use words more closely related to the intensity of the situation rather than let your words grossly misproportion an emotional interaction.

Or better yet, try putting that strong vocabulary to good use by putting more emphasis on positives while diminishing the negatives. Experiment and see if that puts you and the other person in a better mindset.

Now, I'm not trying to be snarky here, please realize. It could be that maybe one of the reasons you're having a hard time isn't necessarily the standards you've set for yourself, or even your age (which, by the way, may change a few details, but certainly doesn't change everything) but maybe you only need to alter your mindset and your strategies a bit. I wanted to point this out because it seemed rather obvious to me as soon as I read it.

Anyway, just my two cents. I hope I haven't stepped out of line.
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Yes, you have. Who the hell are you to tell me how I should feel? And how I should express that feeling? You are not me. You have no right to advise me. You haven't lived my life. So I refuse to have some random person tell me how I should feel with their ill-informed pollyannaism.
 
Tamagochi said:
Well I find it hard to believe that from all 3,5 billion women currently living in our planet, none who are like you have ever been chosen. But even if you were right on that the following rationalization is just not true. First of all I can guarantee you, that not all men want the kind of women you described. Secondly, they might actually be attracted to something else that those women have and if you learned and accepted that quality into your life, you would become attractive without sacrificing your soul.
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You have this idea that I don't accept myself as is...and that when I do...then OF COURSE, I'll find love. How insulting. I've done a lot of work on myself. I absolutely do accept myself, warts and all. So your theory is false.

Then you're making the assumption that people in relationships are perfectly accepting of themselves, and OF COURSE that's why they have been rewarded with love.

What utter bullshit.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I know there are people out there who would fit well with my personality. BUT there always seems to be something in the way.

For instance: I found a nearly perfect guy who meshes wonderfully with my personality -- even he thinks so.
Problem: He's gay.

And that tends to be the general pattern to my life. It's extremely frustrating.
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Gloomy, I can relate. I think it's a common INFJ thing.
 
Dude, Sedna, I don't think anyone was trying to attack you here. Calm down.
 
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