emotions from everyone go in, empathizing with a persons situation allows us to feel their hurt and by analyzing it thoroughly we can break down causes reasons meanings actions and rebuild solutions to stop it in the future and create new meanings, Because we analyse so much and believe theres more to think about than show through a simple smile or facial expression we tend to keep it to ourselves and explain in written or spoken language what we are feeling, and then by extension what the feelings mean and what we are thinking.
INFJ = Emotional Black Holes?
- Thread starter Exodus
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in term of expressing emotion to ppl, i create a series of layered barriers by which only a select group of ppl make it through all of them, each barrier gives me a new trustworthiness level such as best mates i can open up to but those who are acquanintences i will share minor info but keep them out of personal barriers
I'll add that when I was growing up, I thought the people around me were emotionally blind.
Anecdote: My Dad would say something and upset my Mom, and he had no CLUE why she was upset, meanwhile I was asking myself why he went and shot himself in the foot by saying what he did. They're not INFJ's, they're different. He's a classic ISTJ, and she's an INFP (or maybe ENFP).
What it comes down to regarding emotions is that INFJs feel their emotions very deeply, but don't always emote their feelings clearly enough for others. Then we're stuck with these emotions that no one seems to notice or care about, and we don't want to rock the boat or make ourselves stand out or makes fools of ourselves or be too vulnerable or ...
And so we keep it all in until we find a safe place/way to release.
Anecdote: My Dad would say something and upset my Mom, and he had no CLUE why she was upset, meanwhile I was asking myself why he went and shot himself in the foot by saying what he did. They're not INFJ's, they're different. He's a classic ISTJ, and she's an INFP (or maybe ENFP).
What it comes down to regarding emotions is that INFJs feel their emotions very deeply, but don't always emote their feelings clearly enough for others. Then we're stuck with these emotions that no one seems to notice or care about, and we don't want to rock the boat or make ourselves stand out or makes fools of ourselves or be too vulnerable or ...
And so we keep it all in until we find a safe place/way to release.
Thanks Eniko 
I was somewhat hesitant to post that actually, but I'm glad that I did in the end. Hopefully it will show others how INFJ's can work, and show INFJ's that they are not alone when they think like this!
I was somewhat hesitant to post that actually, but I'm glad that I did in the end. Hopefully it will show others how INFJ's can work, and show INFJ's that they are not alone when they think like this!
I'll Keep it to the point:
1. I don't express my emotions (or insights for that matter) until I can confidently predict what response they may elicit.
2. Even then, I may say nothing, if I do not want a particular forseen response.
3. Ultimately, I function thus because I find it difficult to ignore incoming F-type data. I do not want my Intuition (meditation) to be interrupted, so I will often actively do what is required to prevent people bombarding me with personal responses or information.
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"It seems to me that INFJs need some form of affirmation to "analyze" which then allows you to intuit your emotional response. However, your emotional response is entirely internal.
In other words, Emotions go in, but they don't come back out. "
That is very perceptive, but your idea has some understanding black holes. I will talk just about myself, but I am an INFJ, so I think I have a right to do it. A need for affirmation to analyze that I could intuit my emotional response, is perceptive sighting, because I need open ideas (affirmation that person wants to contact with me) from other person, that I could take it into my intuition MEMORY (not a black hole), that I could sytematize the conversation which is happening at that moment. But I couldn't agree with sighting that emotions go in, but they don't come back. Conversations are happening between a few or more people, so how constructive conversation can be, it depends on the direction of feelings expressing in defined emotional trajectory. So, if people are different (in this case you have inTj and I have inFj), the emotions doesn't interacting between both sides and, logically, you can not get exact response you expect from INFJ, because you also can not give exact that what needs INFJ. So, there is no black holes, there is just different understanding (that's why not all people can be friends, I guess).
"I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)" Yes, that is also true, because in every INFJ there is different life experience (we are separate individuals, you know), so we have different understanding of ethics, and different expectations, wishes, doubts etc.
So, lets face the fact that no matter how similar definition can be of all 16 MBTI types, all we are individuals.
It's an interesting process, that's for sure.
One thing though that I absolutely hate to admit is that a lot of times that I withhold my actual emotions, it's out of a few major fears that I've carried. I definitely (though I'd never admit it in most cases) have a terrible fear of social rejection, or being turned away from by my peers. Having a poor self-esteem I think is a major player in that. I've actually had a friend approach me not too long ago, saying that they know for a fact that I hold a lot of things back from everyone, and that if I really want to be more 'confident' I need to learn to let that go.
First time I had ever heard anyone say that to me, and I was blown away that someone had finally cracked into my mind.
The other major fear that I have... is that my emotions might be too powerful for me to keep everyone else completely out of their path when they boil over. Because of that, I tend to release a lot during my solitude, which lengthen it a bit because then I need further time alone to recharge myself. I guess it's because I don't want to burden my friends and family with having to deal with some sort of monstrous pile of emotion that it hurts them at all. That's probably also the biggest contributor to how much mental hurt I've put myself through, trying to take on more than I know what to do with.
As far as a situation where somebody would tell me they liked me? I'm completely in the same train of thought that others before me have mentioned, analyzing all feelings in the mix to a severe degree before even being able to consider coming up with a response. Panic about coming on too strong, not strong enough, being too clingy, being too distant, all of these things end up stampeding me within seconds. It's probably in part due to my total lack of experience that I honestly don't know what others look for or not. Because of uncertainty in my emotions and how to handle their feelings, I've turned away a good number of young ladies as gently as possible, and completely kicked my ass for any stress I may have caused them later.
One thing though that I absolutely hate to admit is that a lot of times that I withhold my actual emotions, it's out of a few major fears that I've carried. I definitely (though I'd never admit it in most cases) have a terrible fear of social rejection, or being turned away from by my peers. Having a poor self-esteem I think is a major player in that. I've actually had a friend approach me not too long ago, saying that they know for a fact that I hold a lot of things back from everyone, and that if I really want to be more 'confident' I need to learn to let that go.
First time I had ever heard anyone say that to me, and I was blown away that someone had finally cracked into my mind.
The other major fear that I have... is that my emotions might be too powerful for me to keep everyone else completely out of their path when they boil over. Because of that, I tend to release a lot during my solitude, which lengthen it a bit because then I need further time alone to recharge myself. I guess it's because I don't want to burden my friends and family with having to deal with some sort of monstrous pile of emotion that it hurts them at all. That's probably also the biggest contributor to how much mental hurt I've put myself through, trying to take on more than I know what to do with.
As far as a situation where somebody would tell me they liked me? I'm completely in the same train of thought that others before me have mentioned, analyzing all feelings in the mix to a severe degree before even being able to consider coming up with a response. Panic about coming on too strong, not strong enough, being too clingy, being too distant, all of these things end up stampeding me within seconds. It's probably in part due to my total lack of experience that I honestly don't know what others look for or not. Because of uncertainty in my emotions and how to handle their feelings, I've turned away a good number of young ladies as gently as possible, and completely kicked my ass for any stress I may have caused them later.
Emotions may go in, and do indeed not come out. What comes out, instead, are thoughts and ideas. I get that affirmation and do intuit an emotional response, but the funny thing about pure emotion is it's rather rough to share with others and not overwhelm them (especially at the depth most NFs supposedly feel them). They're overwhelming to me, and if I don't keep that firm thumb of control down on them they can do terrible damage.
Yes, often times I don't share the output of my intuition because it's taken too long to process, but that doesn't always mean I've nothing to express. One of the beauties of Fe is that you're still able to keep a lively conversation up while you're tossing the topic around with your Ni. I see my INTJ friends do the same with their Te. They'll reason out loud in the conversation putting some systemic analysis out in the open while processing in much the same way I am. Eventually it culminates in the "Eureka!" moment when Ni reaches the singular answer it looks for, but unlike an INTJ who would immeadiately want to test it out in the open, the INFJ wants to confirm with another person to check their work.
All that is to say that the primary difference that we've missed here is that while we both take an input and process it, our extroverted functions output it in different styles to "affirm" what our Ni has accomplished. Te wants it tested and affirmed by concrete methods (i.e. by applying and receiving the expected results) whereas Fe wants it tested and affirmed by other thinkers (i.e. by the verification that other minds can understand and assent to it).
So while emotions may go in, we don't put them out if we've no use for them. I will experience all kinds of ups and downs in relationships and not share a bit of those emotions. When I am warm and emotional with someone it is to illicit the affirmation that the warmth and emotion that my intuition points out in them is indeed there. We're more the opposite of a black hole, really, we're the one's performing inputs to get outputs. That is, other people are the machine we give the input to recieve output. So when we have fear of negative results, or seem cold and unfeeling, it's not that we're taking in and not putting out it's because we've got nothing we require to be put out.
Wow, awesome dissection. XD But indeed, responses and reactions and appropriateness would sometimes overwhelm one's mind.
Another great insight xD Point 2 is sometimes missed by me, but well... I will learn to watch my tongue / fingers more.
Exactly. XD How about comments and judgements? I feel kinda free with giving them freely, but not my inner emotions; not them at all. Sometimes the emotion reeks out within those that comes out, sometimes it's rather...cold, uncaring, and unfeeling. :|
