INFJ = Emotional Black Holes?

[Exodus]

So the more I read about your wonderful type, the more I think i'm starting to understand.

It seems to me that INFJs need some form of affirmation to "analyze" which then allows you to intuit your emotional response. However, your emotional response is entirely internal.

In other words, Emotions go in, but they don't come back out.

Now to analyze. Why do you think/feel that you are unable to express openly your true emotions? Is it because it takes you so long to process the input that by the time the output arrives there is no reason to "say/express" anything?

I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)

If you feel especially forthcoming, would you be willing to explain how the process works for you? For example " I like you a lot" comes from someone you obviously like back very much (But the person may not be aware of the degree you like them back). Explain how this data goes in and comes back out. Pretty Please =)

 

[Julia]

There are times that it is difficult to respond back if I feel guarded. If there is a larger emotional storehouse of a particular feeling and I'm asked to express a small part of it, there can be hesitation if I'm concerned about revealing more than fits the situation.

It takes me a long while to sort through my internal response and then additional time to consider all the ramifications of expressing it outwardly. When in doubt I wait, and I'm usually in doubt.

 

[youngster]

my feelings mean so much to me, if i let them out and i was mocked id be crushed, im defending myself.

 

[Wyote]

Rather than a black hole, you should think of it more like a pot on a stove. Heat gets added and most of the water escapes in the form of vapor but sometimes when enough heat is there it boils over.

 

[Koba]

When I was a child, I found that if I was open with my feelings, I would be hurt. Then I tried being completely closed about my feelings, and when that didn't work, I tried to close myself to my feelings, which worked even worse. Now I essentially test people to see how far I can take it. There's sort of different levels, and if someone passes the test, I know I'm safe (edit: Not just safe, but that it will actually help me) to be completely open at that level. I keep doing this until they fail a test, and that's how far I take it with them.

So it's more a deliberate choice to limit how much of myself I show to people. I keep a wall up for almost everyone, but it's not always in the same place. It seems to be working pretty well.

 

[tothemoon]

For me it is mainly the fear of being ostracized for what I might say or do that keeps me from acting. I also have a weird thing about control that may or may not be an INFJ trait. It's almost as if I'm afraid to let the emotions out because I will lose control of them and they will become too overwhelming to handle. Don't know if this helps, I hope it does!


-tothemoon

 

[Koba]

I bookmarked this INTP Central post someone made:

This sort of thing played out with INFJ's I've known as well. They definitely had specific walls up -- not really to hide, but as a castle (such as the city of Minas Tirith in LOTR) has various levels with walls up, and so I would be rebuffed and kept at a certain level of disclosure until I had proven myself enough, whereupon suddenly I'd find myself admitted into the next level. (And so on.) The delineations were abrupt and very clear.

me, I usually just have one impenetrable wall right at the center of my castle, and all the rest of the terrain outside of it is open for exploration unless someone proves themselves untrustworthy... whereupon I install a new boundary just for them, at the point where they proved they couldn't deal. Sometimes the boundary is so subtle that they push against it too much, and that's where I spell it out for them in no uncertain terms, but it's funny how even my "boundaries" are kept undefined and low-key unless it's necessary to spell them out.

http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=15897&page=3

 

[RetardedMonkey]

When I was young I tried expressing my feelings several times in my life to people I trusted and my feelings were blown off, ignored or mocked. Finally at about 17 I built walls to protect myself. I learned it's better to not let anyone get close to me and see that side of me again. So I won't make myself vulnerable and get hurt.

 

[Wyote]

It's almost as if I'm afraid to let the emotions out because I will lose control of them and they will become too overwhelming to handle.

I really relate to this.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I really relate to this.

I second that notion. It explains it really really well. Part of it is a control issue.

 

[QuietStorm]

i don't know...i guess i feel like my feelings and thoughts and my understanding of them are just that...mine.

and then you have the "i know why i feel like this...but i don't know how to verbalize it to you".

*shrugs*

i also feel like my thoughts will be criticized...which they usually are and for that reason i don't share them.

 

[CoffeeShopDiva]

I bookmarked this INTP Central post someone made:


http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=15897&page=3

Wow. I've never had someone explain my inner workings so well. I couldn't even do it. I definitely have levels of walls. People need to prove to me that they can be trusted before they get further disclosure from me.

 

[Faye]

I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)

Yes, and I usually don't know how to express it. What happens is I will be talking to someone in person, we'll be on a deep emotional topic, and they'll say something very personal, and I don't feel comfortable enough to respond even if I can think of how to verbalize my response.

 

[Puck]

In other words, Emotions go in, but they don't come back out.

Hmm, I'd more likely say emotions don't go in. Emotions are already in. The way you describe it makes it seem like a vaccum cleaner, sucking in the emotions from outside, then storing them. I wouldn't say so.

For example " I like you a lot" comes from someone you obviously like back very much (But the person may not be aware of the degree you like them back). Explain how this data goes in and comes back out.

LOL. Sorry. The data analogy tickled me. Data? Seriously? Okay. I'll try. So someone says they like me. I like them a lot. I hear the words but don't register them. What? Did I just hear that? The words suddenly don't mean anything at all. I look away. I refuse to look at them. I want the ground to swallow me. Are they serious? Is this some kind of test? Is it a joke? When they say they like me, do they mean friend like or? No they definitely mean the other. Oh crap. Now what. hmm. How much do I like them? I like them, but do I really like them?...

...and this will go one of two ways, depending on what I decide (already know, but I'll do a mental recap, because I'm having to take it seriously now). If it's a no, I'll make an exit, somehow, anyhow. Poor them. If it's a yes, I'll wait for them to make a move, just to be on the safe side. If they make a move, I'll respond. If not, I'll make an exit.

Hard to catch? You bet.

 

[Exodus]

LOL. Sorry. The data analogy tickled me. Data? Seriously? Okay. I'll try. So someone says they like me. I like them a lot. I hear the words but don't register them. What? Did I just hear that? The words suddenly don't mean anything at all. I look away. I refuse to look at them. I want the ground to swallow me. Are they serious? Is this some kind of test? Is it a joke? When they say they like me, do they mean friend like or? No they definitely mean the other. Oh crap. Now what. hmm. How much do I like them? I like them, but do I really like them?...

.

Lol. Read up a bit on INTJs. We do basically the exact same thing you do, except we use data instead of emotion. INTJ and INFJ both share primary introverted Intuition. You have Fe as Secondary and Ti as Tertiary. We have Ti as Secondary and Fe as Tertiary. Both of us are J

From all the research I have done so far, INFJs are extremely similar to INTJs in the manner that we process information. We both analyze heavily. I use "data", you use "feeling".

 

[Wyote]

Lol. Read up a bit on INTJs. We do basically the exact same thing you do, except we use data instead of emotion. INTJ and INFJ both share primary introverted Intuition. You have Fi as Secondary and Te as Tertiary. We have Te as Secondary and Fi as Tertiary. Both of us are J

From all the research I have done so far, INFJs are extremely similar to INTJs in the manner that we process information. We both analyze heavily. I use "data", you use "feeling".

We have Fe as secondary. Ni Fe Ti Se. INTJs are Ni Te Fi Se. This probably means we are more comfortable expressing our feelings about things outside of ourselves, while you are more comfortable describing yourself.

 

[AUM]

It seems to me that INFJs need some form of affirmation to "analyze" which then allows you to intuit your emotional response. However, your emotional response is entirely internal.

It's funny that you say this because when I get very angry, outside I appear like it didn't effect me at all but inside I feel as if it was 200 degrees, I get a rush of heat that makes me get a migraine, sO I guess that you may be right in this respect.

In other words, Emotions go in, but they don't come back out.

Yep, and if they ever get out it will be very random. It may take days for me to respond to them emotionally to a person that praised me or made me upset.

Now to analyze. Why do you think/feel that you are unable to express openly your true emotions? Is it because it takes you so long to process the input that by the time the output arrives there is no reason to "say/express" anything?

Simply because it feels awkward to express emotions. If somebody gives me an unexpected hug my reaction woul be this one O.O and from there I become a cold-hearted basterd and pretend I didn't notice that. When I feel that it is appropriate to show affection I will do it with no external support but just because I feel it, in other words, when feel in the mood to show my care and love towards that person.

I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)

Most of the times I don't know how I feel unless I really focus and can get a reasonable explanation of what I'm truly feeling at the moment.

If you feel especially forthcoming, would you be willing to explain how the process works for you? For example " I like you a lot" comes from someone you obviously like back very much (But the person may not be aware of the degree you like them back). Explain how this data goes in and comes back out. Pretty Please =)

When someone tells me that they like me or any combination of affectionate words I want to withdraw and know exactly how I'm going to tell her how I feel towards her. I'm not very good with surprises so I need to have a script of what I'm going to say.

 

[Koba]

Wow. I've never had someone explain my inner workings so well. I couldn't even do it. I definitely have levels of walls. People need to prove to me that they can be trusted before they get further disclosure from me.

Those INTP people are alright sometimes.

 

[alcyone]

I wouldn't say that the emotions don't come out.

Sometimes they come out is a giant explosion.

Generally, we express little of what we are really feeling. It doesn't mean we aren't feeling anything (although it may mean that indeed) it's just that whatever is churning inside remains inside.

A stressed INFJ is probably one who hasn't had an oppurtunity to 'get away' and let out a bit of whatever accumulated emotions are locked away.

There are lots of techniques we all use to de-stress and un-emo ourselves. Some of us indulge in out of the ordinary behavior, some meditate, others take walks(or rides) out of doors, some exercise.....Whatever coping technique we utilize serves to drain that well of emotional energy.

Because we are indeed sensitive to others feelings, we don't want to respond emotionally to them (especially in the case of the negative emotions) thereby adding a burden to them. We are very aware and seek to limit our impositions on others. In fact some of us take it to an extreme, eschewing help and assistance at all costs.

The comparison to Minas Tirith was a good one. I prefer a comparison more like information security badges....and no one knows for sure what their access level is. All of them can see what is going on, but they are never sure how much more there is to know.

 

[rainrise]

I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)

exactly.

i do compartmentalize my feeling of emotions with their outer expression. my inner emotions are never censored and arise naturally with utmost intensity. their outer expression on the other hand, does not seem to reflect this propensity. mostly, you are able to tell what i am feeling by looking at my face and overall body posture, but not so much verbally or gesture-wise.

i would add that i may not know how to conventionally express intensely postive emotions as when they are expressed, they sometimes appear somewhat spontaneous and a bit removed from the context of display i had been showing beforehand. it is likened to a burst of energy...and when it does not relate directly to the outer situation, i get looks from those around me.

negative emotions, i may not openly express at all. anger outwardly appears as rigidness of movement and silence of speech. if i let it build, it may seem like an eruption of frustration directed at no one in particular, even when it is triggered by someone i am around. sadness will manifest as an air of complete apathy or even obliviousness in me when i am aware of being around people i am close to (e.g. family). it is much easier showing sadness to strangers, perhaps because i know i wouldn't be able to drag them down as much.

i agree with what everybody seems to notice of us being afraid to be overwhelmed or not in control of our emotions if we do attempt to express them in their raw form. however, i am also afraid of overwhelming others with them because others don't necessarily see the reason or origin behind them.