INFJ and sex.

RecklessDreamer

RecklessDreamer

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Not sure if there's been a previous thread like this, but regardless:
I saw a post in a different thread that made me seriously contemplate the INFJ on sex. The statement said something along the lines of INFJ not having sex until true love was established. Is this correct for you? Does love have to be a factor in your sex life? Marriage? Or is casual sex an OK option, too?

(Open to all types, not just INFJ)
 
rnd1231 said:
Not sure if there's been a previous thread like this, but regardless:
I saw a post in a different thread that made me seriously contemplate the INFJ on sex. The statement said something along the lines of INFJ not having sex until true love was established. Is this correct for you? Does love have to be a factor in your sex life? Marriage? Or is casual sex an OK option, too?

(Open to all types, not just INFJ)
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I think casual sex is fine if you know that is what it is. I find a lot of INFJs have problems when they try to push their ideals on others when no one agreed to them.

As long as it's safe sex and everyone understands it is casual sex. Who knows it might turn into more but that is up to the future.
 
Naxx said:
I think casual sex is fine if you know that is what it is. I find a lot of INFJs have problems when they try to push their ideals on others when no one agreed to them.

As long as it's safe sex and everyone understands it is casual sex. Who knows it might turn into more but that is up to the future.
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Agreed. I think sex is better in love (mandatory, actually) but I find nothing wrong with someone wanting to have casual sex. It's their perrogative.
 
I am fine with casual sex as long as both parties are aware of the terms. I try not to do it too much though because the potential to start feeling things for them is risky, and if I was having only casual sex with someone it would likely be because I didnt want to date them for some reason but am still sexually attracted to them. In such a case falling for said person can be a disaster.
 
Billy said:
I am fine with casual sex as long as both parties are aware of the terms. I try not to do it too much though because the potential to start feeling things for them is risky, and if I was having only casual sex with someone it would likely be because I didnt want to date them for some reason but am still sexually attracted to them. In such a case falling for said person can be a disaster.
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Quite true, as well. Sex tends to end up in one sticky situation if you aren't precautious.
 
I don't believe that love has requirements for it to be meaningful and as such should not be defined by time.

If two people love each other for that one night that does not take away from the moment itself.

Much like breaking up with someone you've been together with for years, it doesn't make the feelings felt and ideas exchanged any less real.
 
Nax, I can see your point. I have seen cases in which two people knew eachother for only one night, and remembered eachother forever. Their must have been a special bond for such an occurence. I've never viewed it in that way- thank you.
 
rnd1231 said:
Not sure if there's been a previous thread like this, but regardless:
I saw a post in a different thread that made me seriously contemplate the INFJ on sex. The statement said something along the lines of INFJ not having sex until true love was established. Is this correct for you? Does love have to be a factor in your sex life? Marriage? Or is casual sex an OK option, too?

(Open to all types, not just INFJ)
Click to expand...

To me sex is a part of love. I would have to have true love for my partner and vice verca.

I personally wouldn't have sex until after marriage. If my partner loved me he would understand my reasons. It would be a sign of respect to me if my partner is willing to wait (patiently) until marriage, however I am fine with common-law marriage.

I have very high standards for my partner as well as myself as I expect a life time commitment and would not engage in any sexual relationship with anyone until I am 100% sure of my partner. My partner would have to have the same ideals as me.

I am against the concept of casual sex. I find it disrespectful to engage in such activites without genuine love. For me my main purpose for having sex would be to bear offspring, the second purpose would be to demostrate my love to my partner.

To me sex is almost spirtual and sacred along with marriage. This might seem strange to most people, maybe even border line stupid, but to me it makes perfect sense.
 
Hotkebab, I don't think it is strange at all. I think it is a morally sound and well-rounded approach. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and I applaud you for being so strong in your values. I agree that sex is a good expression of love- as I stated earlier, sex is better in love. Also, I agree that sex is meant for reproductive purposes. I, for one, think parenthood is one of the greatest blessings in life. Thank you for your response!
 
Hotkebab said:
To me sex is a part of love. I would have to have true love for my partner and vice verca.

I personally wouldn't have sex until after marriage. If my partner loved me he would understand my reasons. It would be a sign of respect to me if my partner is willing to wait (patiently) until marriage, however I am fine with common-law marriage.

I have very high standards for my partner as well as myself as I expect a life time commitment and would not engage in any sexual relationship with anyone until I am 100% sure of my partner. My partner would have to have the same ideals as me.

I am against the concept of casual sex. I find it disrespectful to engage in such activites without genuine love. For me my main purpose for having sex would be to bear offspring, the second purpose would be to demostrate my love to my partner.

To me sex is almost spirtual and sacred along with marriage. This might seem strange to most people, maybe even border line stupid, but to me it makes perfect sense.
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This makes perfect sense to me :) I would have said the same because I don't understand how people would have a sexual relationship without loving each other in the first place. I would also wait until I find the perfect partner for me because it would mean so much more to me and my partner. I would also want my partner to do the same and since he would have the same ideals as me, I wouldn't think there would be a problem with waiting because it will mean a lot to the both of us.
 
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Not to bring in stereotypes- but I find it interesting that the men seem to be fine with casual sex, while the women are against it. Hm. Well, I've always been accused of thinking like a man (not sure what THAT'S supposed to mean). I'm on the fence on this issue, I believe. I don't down anyones preferences.
 
rnd1231 said:
Not to bring in stereotypes- but I find it interesting that the men seem to be fine with casual sex, while the women are against it. Hm. Well, I've always been accused of thinking like a man (not sure what THAT'S supposed to mean). I'm on the fence on this issue, I believe. I don't down anyones preferences.
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Yeah, but who are those men having casual sex with? It takes 2 to tango.
 
rnd1231 said:
Not to bring in stereotypes- but I find it interesting that the men seem to be fine with casual sex, while the women are against it. Hm. Well, I've always been accused of thinking like a man (not sure what THAT'S supposed to mean). I'm on the fence on this issue, I believe. I don't down anyones preferences.
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For starters thank you for your warm response I certainly was not expecting it. :m136:

I have meet a few men who agree with my views. I think it depends on the person rather than the gender, like Billy said "It takes 2 to tango."

For a female I have a very high testosterone level so naturally my sexual needs would be more apparent.



People are capable of overriding their wants. :m066:
 
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Hotkebab said:
For starters thank you for your warm response I certainly was not expecting it. :m136:


People are capable of overriding their wants. :m066:
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You're very welcome!

And, that brings into question willpower. Which I will choose to stay out of for fear of coming across as sexist again. Haha.
 
I can't see the appeal of casual sex, for me I have to be in a relationship with someone before I'd consider sex with them. Sexual intimacy is much more valued and emotional to me and I do not want to waste that on people I don't know or do not have a special bond with.
 
rnd1231 said:
Not to bring in stereotypes- but I find it interesting that the men seem to be fine with casual sex, while the women are against it. Hm. Well, I've always been accused of thinking like a man (not sure what THAT'S supposed to mean). I'm on the fence on this issue, I believe. I don't down anyones preferences.
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I don't have casual sex. I have had it a couple times and I found that it was less interesting than ... the alternatives.

There needs to be something there for me to be willing to sleep with someone.
 
INFJ male here. I have sex for the sincere intimate passionate connection with another person. The physical pleasure of it is simply the reason for the shared experience.

Casual sex is unappealing to me. Without a connection, it's nothing more than a mechanical exchange of bodily fluids. Any amount of pleasure that would be there is ruined by the lack of sincerity and intimacy. I've had it a few times, and it didn't take long for me to decide to pass on it from then on.

Do I have a strong sex drive? Absolutely. I love sex. I am male after all. But, for me (and this seems to be an INFJ thing) there are other factors that are far more important.

rnd1231 said:
And, that brings into question willpower. Which I will choose to stay out of for fear of coming across as sexist again. Haha.
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Willpower is evidenced by the amount of desire (or instinct) that is overcome. INFJs have an impressive amount of willpower. INFJ males are just as likely to resist their urges as females, which does imply that INFJ males have more willpower than females since males have stronger instincts for sex. I'm just sayin'. :-)
 
I've hooked up with four people as an adult, and every time it has sucked or I felt like shit afterward. I even went two years without sex in hope that it would clear my head. However, I don't advise it. Even bad sex is better than no sex.
 
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